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Tag: WWE Main Event

  • WWE Main Event results: Braun Strowman in singles action; Naomi vs. Paige

    Bo Dallas w/ Social Outcasts def. Darren Young by pinfall

    This week’s Main Event emanates from Indianapolis, dubbed the heartland of America because “the brain isn’t here”. Jerry Lawler, ladies and gentlemen!

    Unfortunately the Social Outcasts emerge at the top of the ramp with microphones in hand. Adam Rose continues the WWE writers’ current trend of scripting shitty metaphors for its performers in lieu of comedy (see The New Day) by comparing his faction to “four Harley Davidson motorbikes (that) own the road”. Rose then interrupts Bo to suggest that “biker jackets” might be the missing piece of puzzle. Bo wants to get their “names on the back”, but promises to “run Darren Young off the road” first. Hurray.

    Bo shows great professionalism here by not joining in the Bo Train he signals for after cutting off Young’s shine with a neckbreaker. I begin to fear the prospect of five minutes of Bo Dallas on offence, but my concerns are misplaced. Young quickly cuts Bo off with a back suplex on the apron. He then dodges Outcast interference on the floor, back body dropping Rose into Axel. Alas for the last Prime Time Player standing, Bo counters an out-to-in sunset flip by grabbing the ropes to secure the win.

    Naomi w/ Tamina def. Paige by submission

    Lots of delaying tactics from Naomi in the early going of this one, as she stalls and stretches on the outside. Lawler recommends against Paige going outside to fetch her, as that’s “Tamina’s house”.

    Good match here, of which roughly ten minutes was aired – with the caveat that it did incorporate a number of the most annoying Divas spots. Case in point: Paige’s shine was punctuated by Naomi sticking her buns in her face while balanced on the top turnbuckle. That’s dumb.

    Also dumb are the consecutive cheerleader kicks that Naomi has taken to using. As is Paige’s inevitably orbital-breaking running knee spot. And her stupid “THIS IS MY HOUSE!” catchphrase; the most irritating in modern wrestling, for my money.

    The finish saw Paige counter a running bulldog attempt from Naomi, throwing her head first into the turnbuckle. She followed up with the Rampaige, only for Tamina to foil her by pulling her gurl out of the ring. Paige superkicks Tamina, reminds her again where her abode is, before running right into the Naomi Calls That The Rear View. This only gets two however, leading into an awkward reversal sequence and Naomi’s weak sauce looking submission finish. I’m making it sound crummy by harping on the flaws, but it was very watchable fare really. Really!

    Ryback def. Tyler Breeze by pinfall

    They show Ryback’s RAW walkout before the match to rub in the fact that The Big Guy wrestling as a babyface here makes no sense. At this point there is over 10 minutes left (excluding commercials), which leaves me wondering how they’re going to manage a believable long-form match where Breeze is on offence for a period of time.

    I needn’t have worried. This was wrapped in four minutes; enough time for Indianapolis to treat Ryback to some light “Gold-berg” chants. The finish saw the newly-minted/soon-to-be heel catch Breeze off a high cross and hoist him up for the Shellshock. There was time during the match however, for Tyler to hit a ridiculous looking ‘rana.

    Braun Strowman def. Fandango by submission

    Yes, this is why the first and third matches got less than five minutes! Braun Strowman’s second singles match of the year! Hold the front page!

    Yes, there was clubbering. Yes, there was trapezius grabbing. Yes, Fandango did get Brauny down to one knee, only to whiff on a DDT and get tossed into the air. Yes, he did in fact then get put down with the Hug of Doom. It lasted less than two minutes. This was a very good thing. The Wyatts posed to close the show.

    Final Thoughts

    Quite what Braun Strowman is going to learn from sub-two minute squashes is anyone’s guess. But I ain’t complaining. His placement on this show, coupled with his removal from the six-man tag rematch on RAW, represent further signs that Vince has soured on him for the time being. Given that the prospect of a Strowman/Undertaker match was mooted as recently as one month ago, I think we can all be happy about that. Even those carping about the return of The Money.

    Not a great show this week. Although, the Divas match is worth a watch, notwithstanding some of the maddening nonsense the agents have them do.

  • WWE Main Event results: More dreadful “comedy” from The New Day and The Social Outcasts

    Neville and Zack Ryder def. Stardust and Tyler Breeze by pinfall

    Jerry Lawler takes his opportunity, during the entrances, to drop his new nickname for his announcing partnership with Rich Brennan: “The King and The Thing”. Lawler reckons that this new moniker is likely to trend far better than #woowoowoo. No arguments here.

    Briefer opening match than usual here, with six-and-a-half minutes aired either side of a commercial break. The heels got the heat on Neville for a while, during which Lawler denigrated the Englishman’s appearance, comparing it unfavourably to Breeze’s good looks. Brennan questions the relevance of such matters, to which King replies that a man with a “face for radio” is always likely to sympathise with those of his own kind.

    Hot tag to Ryder leads into an unusual spot, where Stardust appears to set Zack up for the Queen’s Crossbow, only to hit a reverse DDT instead. Perhaps he momentarily forgot the finish, which saw Neville tag in, hit him with a superkick and land a Red Arrow for the victory.

    Nothing much to this one. Brennan wraps it up by saying that “ the week gets worse” for Stardust and Breeze, who both failed to win the Fatal-5-Way match for the Intercontinental Title on RAW. The fact that both men were booked in that match in the first place, despite their respective win/loss records, is, of course, completely ridiculous.

    Paige def. Summer Rae by submission

    50/50 time! Both women got promo time before this RAW rematch, as Summer bizarrely claimed that as the Divas Revolution has been going on, she’s been “beating them all”, including the people’s “goth goddess”. In reality, her last televised victory before Monday’s win over Paige was an April 2015 defeat of Emma on this very show.

    Paige responds by listing her title credentials, adding that she “didn’t have to dance to do that”. Sick burn. Paige attacks Summer viciously early on, following up by mocking Summer’s entrance dance as her opponent flees to the ramp. Paige chases her down and throws her back in the ring, only for Summer to gain the advantage with a leg lariat, which she follows up with a loooooong headlock. The King alleviates the boredom here by continuing to push #TheKingAndTheThing.

    Paige’s comeback includes her running knee that looks like it will inevitably do some serious damage at some stage. The finish sees her block another leg lariat attempt, before hitting a superkick and locking on the PTO for the tap.

    – The Social Outcasts are out for an in-ring promo, complaining about their omission from the Fastlane card; specifically the absence of a New Day title defence. Adam Rose lists off all the tag teams that the champs will not defend against on Sunday, including “Radwolf” and “The MadHappy Connection”.

    Heath Slater, who is apparently the Moron Whisperer, divines from this that “Radwolf” refers to the Radical Mongoose (Rose) and the Crimson Werewolf (Slater), while the “MadHappy Connection” refers to Axel and Bo. Because one is mad and one is happy. Meanwhile, I am raging to Alex Riley level proportions that I have agreed to document total and complete bilge of this magnitude.

    The New Day then interrupt to inflict more terrible “comedy” upon me. Big E reckons that no-one cares about the Outcasts’ nicknames (he’s right there) and calls them “booty”. Bo responds that he’s “a booty”, which results in an argument about removing the article from the insult. Kofi then does a completely terrible bit decrying the idea of babies teaching adults to walk and caterpillars teaching butterflies to fly, which mercifully ends in Slater finally extending a challenge. Jesus, that was terrible. Like, honestly, from a company that has no earthly idea how to write comedy in 2016 (see the Truth/Goldust skits), that segment might have been the worst yet.

    The New Day def. Curtis Axel, Heath Slater and Adam Rose w/Bo Dallas on commentary by pinfall

    Bo politely greets “Mr. Rich” and “Mr. King” as he takes his place at the announce desk, happily declaring that he’s delighted to be working with “The King and The Thing”. Lawler practically bubbles over with pride that his nickname is getting over.

    The match was about what you’d expect from 15 minutes of two heel teams taking turns to get the heat. Very dull. I’m sure Mr. Belding, who Lawler pointed out in the crowd early on, was far from impressed.

    It’s Xavier Woods’ turn to get beat on in the early part of the match. The Outcasts dodge interference from his buddies before the break, prompting a slow-motion, Chariots of Fire style, Bo Train, which Bo himself leaves the desk to join. After the break, Bo bemoans the fact that he forgot to high five Belding on the way. King helpfully recommends that he high five Rich in the face instead to compensate.

    Woods eventually “hot” tags Big E, which leads to the second heat portion of the match; Adam Rose the victim this time. Eventually, Big E misses an apron splash to Rose, allowing the…ahem….”Radical Mongoose” to spinebuster Woods. The chains are then very much removed, as Axel gets another “hot” tag and cleans house. A Perfect Plex gets two before the bewildering finishing sequence kicks into gear.

    Kofi hits a dropkick to Axel, before going to the top as legal man Woods places a prone Ax-Man back-first on his knee. Bo then feels it necessary to distract the ref, while Rose pushes Kofi off the top, despite the fact that interference has been ongoing throughout the match with no consequences. Axel then looks to finish Woods with an O’Connor Roll, but Woods reverses it, grabbing a handful of tights to secure the victory. What a mess.

    Final Thoughts

    The first half of the show was inoffensive, but the second half – particularly the Outcasts/New Day promo exchange – was dreadful. I have no earthly idea how anyone can write this kind of material down on paper and think it’s funny. Nor do I see any sense in booking a 15 minute heel vs. heel tag team featured contest. Mind boggling stuff.

  • WWE Main Event results: Damien Sandow lives; Jerry Lawler’s new mantra

    Heath Slater w/ Curtis Axel and Adam Rose def. Zack Ryder via pinfall

    I had feared that this week’s Main Event would be a write-off, given the light crew that the WWE took to the Smackdown tapings. This opening contest did absolutely nothing to dispel that fear, notwithstanding a fine effort from Ryder.

    Jerry Lawler shocks me with his powers of recall by reminding us that Zack once “made a reputation out of social media”, referring to his spell as the self-proclaimed “Internet champion”. Rich Brennan, on the other hand, is the “Waffle House champion” apparently.

    Ryder benefits from the goodwill of a fresh crowd at the beginning of the match, managing to get himself a pretty loud “Woo! Woo! Woo!” chant going. Then, the stalling begins, as these guys figure out a way to fill the 15 minutes they’ve been allotted; Slater twice rolling out of the ring to go on celebratory Bo Train (sans Bo) victory laps in the opening minutes.

    Typical idiotic babyface booking in this one, as Ryder unnecessarily concerns himself with the dual “distraction” of “Axel Rose” on the outside, to his own detriment. He takes a big bump off the ropes to the floor before the mid-match commercial break, when Rose’s mere presence gives him the yips and allows Slater to push him off.

    Slater’s heat shows why anyone wondering why this guy hasn’t been elevated above the role of comedy jobber needs their head examined. He has always been awful on offence and has unquestionably regressed in that regard in the last couple of years. Two godawfully long headlock segments here prove my point.

    More hard work from Ryder during his comeback sees him hit a slingshot splash from the apron. A Rich Brennan flub follows, as the announcer erroneously reckons that Axel was responsible for pulling Slater out of the way of the Broski Boot. He wasn’t.

    Tope con hilo from Ryder takes out the other two geeks on the outside. But, upon re-entry, he gets a kick in the gut and an Impaler DDT to punish his stupidity. I’d love to know when Slater last won a televised match with that move. Answers on a postcard, please.

    – Recap of the Reigns/Ambrose/Lesnar interactions from RAW. I couldn’t possibly care less about any of this, as the storyline rationale for the match makes absolutely no sense. That backstage face-to-face between HHH and Lesnar from RAW two weeks ago tells you all you need to know about why that is the case. I can 100% guarantee that no other heel in the company would have been written to no-sell the threat of Brock (the man who broke his arm in kayfabe) in that manner. All we need now is for the egomaniac to don the bicycle shorts and pin Reigns at ‘Mania. Because, you know, the money is in the chase with Roman. Like it was with Goldberg.

    Natalya def. Alicia Fox via submission

    Alicia Fox worked heel here, continuing the Big Show-esque face/heel oscillations of Team Bella. She also appears to have reverted to her “crazy” gimmick, which was hinted at on RAW when she screamed the house down after her loss to Charlotte.

    This contest ran a little bit longer than the second match usually does, at five minutes. It was notable only for the return of the catchphrase that defined an era, as Lawler responds to Brennan’s reference to Nattie’s cat-fancying with the revelation that Foxy, like him “prefers puppies!”. “Oh no…” says a despairing Brennan.

    The finish saw Nattie roll-through off a sunset flip attempt to secure the Sharpshooter for the submission victory. Fox refused to accept a handshake in the aftermath, opting to storm off instead. Nattie did the universally-accepted gesture for “she’s crazy”, to which Fox shouted back “You’re crazy!”. Good comeback.

    – Video aired of Bryan’s incredible retirement speech from Monday night, spliced with sections of the wonderful retrospective video that preceded it. I highly doubt that the man will read this, but I’d nonetheless like to express my “gratitude” to the wrestler who made me fall in love with the product all over again four years ago. I returned in early 2012 for The Rock, but stayed for Bryan’s heel character, watching as the “Yes!” chant built momentum leading into the unfortunate (but ultimately career-making) events of Wrestlemania 28. He has rightly removed himself from the fray all too soon, to safeguard his health. But we will always have that wonderful moment when he reached the top of tree two years ago. The very best to him in whatever endeavours he chooses to pursue going forward.

    Mark Henry and Darren Young def. Fandango and Damien Sandow via pinfall

    An unusually brief featured contest, clocking in at only five minutes and most notable for the return to WWE television of one Damien Sandow – complete with robe and “Hallelujah!” theme.

    Despite an apparent return to the Intellectual Saviour gimmick (complete with shouting “You’re Welcome!” after an early headlock takeover), Sandow is clearly positioned as a babyface. Which is weird. The goal here appears to be the rekindling of the dynamic Sandow had with The Miz, as he trades “boo/yay” poses with Fandango before the match begins.

    This tension continues throughout the match, with Fandango blind-tagging himself in, before teasing the fans with faked attempts to bring his partner back into the action. This has the desired effect, prompting the now long-forgotten “We Want Sandow!” chants to ring out around the arena.

    Sandow eventually loses his patience and tags himself in, hitting a side russian leg sweep on Young. But, before he can follow up with the ol’ Elbow of Disdain, Fandango again enacts an unwanted tag to cut him off.

    The two then bicker near the ropes, which allows Young to push Fandango into Sandow and crawl to hot-tag Mark Henry. The finish arrives quickly from there, with Henry catching Fandango off a second-rope cross body attempt. World’s Strongest Slam gets the pin.

    Final Thoughts

    The company may have worked wonders with a depleted roster on Smackdown, but the knock-on effect on its sister show was not pretty. Nobody needs to see a 15 minute match between Heath Slater and Zack Ryder, regardless of how hard the latter tried to make it watchable. However, it was interesting to see Sandow make a rare televised appearance. Revisiting the heel/face tag-team dynamic that he had with The Miz may have potential, but I’m not sure Fandango is the correct foil. Meanwhile, Lawler’s heel metamorphosis continues, as he resurrects his Divas obsession and that long-lost buzzword, “puppies!”.

  • WWE Main Event results: Paige & Natalya team again to face “Naomina”

    The Prime Time Players and The Usos def. Stardust, The Ascension and Tyler Breeze via pinfall

    Every participant in this 8-man tag gets a full entrance, which helpfully burns off five minutes of airtime – even Tyler, who is now sporting a rather dashing five o’clock shadow.

    Boring 15-minute match here, that meandered along at a glacial pace until the hot tag to Darren Young. Up to that point, Jey Uso had the honour of being beaten up by the heels forever, a portion of the match enlivened only by Jerry Lawler’s excellent commentary. Highlights included berating Titus O’Neil for not splashing out on ringside tickets for the kids he invited to last week’s Smackdown and instructing Rich Brennan on how to tell the Usos apart.

    Young ran wild with a belly-to-belly on Stardust, followed by delivering his back suplex on the apron to Viktor. Of course, Titus had to blind tag himself in and steal his thunder, Pay Check-ing Tyler Breeze into Stardust, before hitting the Stinger Splash on both men. Clash of the Titus on Cody wraps it up for Titus and his team. I can’t believe it wasn’t Breeze taking the pinfall there.

    – A recap of the Sasha/Becky/Team BAD segment from RAW leads us into a backstage interview segment featuring Naomi and Tamina. Jojo, wearing an unnecessarily large amount of slap on her face, asks the ladies for justification for their actions on Monday night.

    Naomi maintains that Sasha betrayed them first, before Tamina goes all Confucius/Cantona by talking about the dangers of baby birds flying too high from the nest, or some such bilge. Naomi finishes by saying that “Naomina” (ugh) never needed Sasha, to which Tamina adds “you can take that to the bank”. Poor Naomi.

    Jack Swagger def. Fandango via submission

    Pretty funny/sad moment during Fandango’s entrance when they attempt to cut to shots of the crowd dancing to his music; only to find one little kid Fandango-ing in the midst of a sea of bored faces.

    Fandango also arrived to the ring wearing a “Let’s Get Weird” jacket, which seems to nod at his old Johnny Curtis gimmick. Or has he always worn it? Answers on a postcard, please.

    Nothing match, which wrapped in under three minutes with a Patriot Lock out of nowhere. Crowd did not care one jot. Unfortunate for Swagger, who has impressed on this show when given time in recent weeks.

    Naomina def. Paige and Natalya via submission

    That Team BAD entrance theme that lasted all of two weeks appears to be dead along with the faction that spawned it; the heels emerge to Naomi’s “amay-yay-yay-yay-zing” tune instead.

    Another long tag match that failed to hold the interest here, I’m afraid. Paige’s shine seemed to go on forever, but featured a cute spot where she tried a headbutt on Tamina, only to beg off when she realised the old adage about trying that on a Samoan.

    Paige has to resort to screaming about her house on more than one occasion to draw heat, to which Lawler responds “we get the message”. She is also guilty of loud spot calling (of sorts) later on, when she is picked up shouting “Trin! Trin!” on the mic, reminding Naomi to lay the boots to her on the outside as Tamina distracts the ref.

    The heat is dull, especially when Tamina is in the ring, although “Nah-eeee” (as Paige calls her) is amusing with her energetic cheerleading on the apron.

    Nattie eventually gets the hot tag, only to quickly fall victim to the numbers game to cut her off. Paige trips Tamina from the outside to help her out, but can’t stop Naomi hitting the Rear View on her partner. She does break up the ensuing pinfall attempt, however.

    The ref then sends Paige back out of the ring, as Nattie lines up the sharpshooter, only to see Naomi counter it (awkwardly) into her headscissors choke (the Slay-o-mission, apparently) for the win. The finish makes sense, given that the heels are likely going to be featured in a tag feud with Sasha and Becky going forward.

    Final Thoughts:

    Two disappointing tag matches, bookending a nothing squash, makes this a pretty underwhelming edition of Main Event. Recommendation to skip.

  • WWE Main Event results: Rusev and Ryback renew old acquaintances

    Kevin Owens def. Jack Swagger via pinfall

    Hardly a banner Royal Rumble for either of these guys. Swagger, who according to his ring introduction is still very much “a real American”, suffered the ignominy of the shortest stay in this year’s Rumble match. Meanwhile, Kevin Owens incurred the double blow of losing to Dean Ambrose and getting tossed from the Rumble by arch-rival, Sami Zayn.

    Very good TV match here, that hovered around the 15-minute mark (including commercials). The early exchanges are enlivened by a typically talkative Kevin Owens, who admonishes the referee for not letting him stay in the ropes indefinitely to escape Swagger’s ankle-based intentions: “I’m allowed to do that! What’s your problem!?”

    The mid-match commercial break is also bookended by a “WE ARE IDIOTS!” chant from Owens and a rousing rendition of “Oh Canada!”, as Swagger struggles to escape Chinlock City.

    Great workrate from both men in this one; Owens ate a running clothesline on the outside after taking a powder to avoid Swagger’s comeback, while Swagger took his face-first bump onto the ringsteps after being tossed over the top rope. Both men also nailed a German suplex apiece, with Swagger hitting his after a brilliant reversal of the Pop-Up Powerbomb into a Patriot Lock attempt.

    Owen’s second failed attempt at his finish is also reversed into a roll-up for two, before he finally nails it seconds later when Swagger drives his own shoulder into the ringpost off a dodged corner charge.

    Another excellent showing for Swagger, who has burnished his babyface credentials on this show of late; add this to his two very watchable 10+ minute outings against Stardust and The Miz in the last couple of months. Credit to Owens for giving him so much too.

    The Dudley Boyz def. The Ascension via pinfall

    I’m sure the Dudleys were delighted to see Konnor and Viktor’s names beside theirs on the format sheet; The Ascension were the last team that Bubba and D-Von defeated in a straight tag match on RAW – on November 16th of last year.

    We get the usual five-minute second match here. Very early “hot” tag to Bubba signals an even quicker ending, only for Konnor to save Viktor from the Wassup headbutt by crotching D-Von on the top rope.

    Quick heat segment (featuring Viktor’s awesome-looking STO), before the hot tag to D-Von, who runs through his usual offensive repertoire. Blind tag and a Reverse 3-D to Konnor follows, before a Bubba big boot heads off Konnor’s attempted interference. Viktor eats the regular 3-D to wrap it up for the Dudleys and compensate somewhat for last week’s unfortunate defeat at the hands of the Social Outcasts.

    – Rusev and Be-A-STAR candidate, Lana, are backstage with Jojo, who wonders if the powerbomb Rusev suffered on RAW will affect his performance against Ryback tonight. Lana responds that “nothing affects the super-athlete”, with the Bulgarian Brute adding that he intends to destroy “The Ryback” tonight.

    Rusev w/Lana def. Ryback by submission

    This, of course, is the dumb feud they dropped after Lana’s social media activity made her persona non grata in the company. Lawler briefly references her punishment – Lana’s part in The Rock’s promo on Monday night – at the beginning of the match, only for Rich Brennan to cut him off: “Should we repeat that!?…..is it family friendly?” No, Rich. It’s not.

    Decent 10+ minute match here, that was admittedly pretty boring prior to Ryback’s comeback, but picked up significantly forthwith – the turning point being a back-and-forth battle to suplex each other over the top rope. Ryback wins, bringing Rusev from the apron to the ring, before again busting out Punk’s high knee into the corner.

    The Ryback also hits a top rope missile dropkick and brings back his old backpack stunner maneuver to kick off the nearfalls segment of the match. Ryback appears to be responding to criticism of his work in a similar fashion to John Cena, by expanding his moveset – which, ironically, is arguably the least important element of what makes one a great worker.

    A failed Shellshock sees Ryback almost get pushed into Lana, who had positioned herself on the apron. He gets a slap to the face for his troubles, but the roll-up from Rusev only gets two. Ryback then returns the superkick he received earlier, as if he is now absorbing the signature moves of his opponents. This also gets two.

    A second Shellshock attempt then also fails, as Rusev grabs the ropes. Ryback’s workrate aspirations then finally cost him, as a high knee from the top misses, allowing Rusev to hit another superkick and lock in the Accolade. Ryback doesn’t tap, but is deemed to have passed out by referee, Charles Robinson. Rusev celebrates vigorously in front of the large flag bearing his own visage as the show goes off the air.

    Final Thoughts

    Unquestionably the best outing for Main Event this year, with two good-to-very good 10+ minute matches. It’s particularly worth going out of one’s way to see Kevin Owens’ match with Jack Swagger, who has turned in some truly excellent work on this show over the last couple of months.

  • WWE Main Event results: The Dudley Boyz fall from grace continues, Jerry Lawler excellent on color

    Mark Henry and Jack Swagger def. The Ascension via pinfall

    Main Event breaks its two-week streak of in-ring promos in the opening segment by offering us this rematch of last week’s featured contest. It’s worth noting that this is the third time Swagger and Henry have teamed together; all three contests have featured The Ascension and the previous two both resulted in babyface victories.

    Rich Brennan opines during the entrances that there is “something different” about Jerry Lawler, who, incidentally, began his recent heel turn on the first Main Event taping of 2016. Lawler responds that some people resolve to be more “kind, considerate and nice” at the turn of the year. The King, on the other hand decided to simply be himself!

    This was a bog-standard, by-the-numbers, ten minute tag match. The heels gain control leading into the commercial break as is customary in the WWE; Viktor breaking up the Patriot Lock on Konnor while the referee is distracted.

    After the break, Lawler’s amusing reminiscences about Royal Rumbles past punctuate the heat portion of the match. Lawler suggests that Roman should hide under the ring until the end of the Rumble, evoking memories of the 1996 edition of the match when he pulled the same stunt. Brennan, to his credit, takes that opportunity to make an appropriate reference to Santino’s 2011 near-miss.

    After one tease when Konnor knocked Mizark from the apron, Swagger eventually gets the hot tag to his partner – completing a desperate crawl to the corner after a double clothesline spot. Henry runs wild on Viktor, before pausing to enjoy a “We The People” recitation with Swagger. This almost allows a recovering Konnor to attack him from behind. Instead, Swagger pushes Henry out of the way, allowing the World’s Strongest Man to level Viktor with the World’s Strongest Slam for the win. Three in a row it is then for Henry and Swagger, who one-up The Ascension leading into their next meeting on Sunday’s pre-show.

    – Jojo is backstage with the Social Outcasts. Adam Rose continues to suck verily on the mic by referring to Slater, Bo and Axel as his “red dragon”, “enchanted shark” and “wild snowflake” respectively. Axel grumpily (and understandably) questions his moniker, before Bo cuts him off to inform us that these are “four best friends” with the same goal: “To win on Sunday!”

    Heath cleverly sees a problem with this, pointing out that there can only be one winner and that he’s that man. At this point, Jojo interjects with a terribly worded question – something about their opponents, The Dudley Boyz, being veterans. Bo says that The Social Outcasts are not a team, they’re a family, while Heath adds that the Dudleyz party will be ruined tonight. The geeks walk off, only for Bo to return momentarily, Columbo-style, to remind Jojo to bo-lieve. This was awful.

    Neville def. Tyler Breeze via pinfall

    During Breeze’s entrance, Lawler asks Prince Pretty to “take a picture of Rich and let’s see how much that camera can take!” Ouch.

    Nice five minute TV match here. Neville continues the intensity he showed in last week’s Smackdown main event, erupting so quickly out of the blocks at the bell that referee Mike Chioda has to briefly hold him back.

    Breeze gets an early eye rake in as Chioda enforces a rope break, before following up with a supermodel kick for two. Breeze is incensed at the perceived slowness of the count, screaming “I’m not trying to be out here all night!” Which is funny because he then immediately applies a front face lock!

    Neville goes up top for two failed attempts at the Red Arrow, the second of which sees him eat a dropkick. Breeze then sets him up for a Frankensteiner, only for Neville to hang on to the ropes and finally hit his finish for the win.

    – We then get the same Rumble By Numbers segment, narrated by Byron Sexton, that aired on RAW.

    Heath Slater and Curtis Axel w/ Bo Dallas and Adam Rose def. The Dudley Boyz via pinfall

    Yes, you read that right. More humour from Lawler during the entrances here, as he states that the older the Dudleys get, “the better they were”. The King says he never liked them, prompting Rich to enquire about their ECW days. Lawler: “I never liked anyone in ECW!”

    Long shine segment for the faces leads into the break, when the Dudleys hit a Reverse 3D on Axel, before tossing Heath from the ring behind him. Rose and Bo tend to their fallen brethren as we go to commercials.

    We return with the heels turning the tables on their foes in more ways than one; Rose and Dallas causing a distraction by removing them from under the ring, which flummoxes the Dudleys into losing the advantage. The Outcasts of course waste time by celebrating with a victory lap, which Lawler amusingly dubs the “Bo Train”.

    Axel and Heath take turns to get the heat on D-Von, before the latter gets cut off with a spinebuster. Hot tag to Bubba, who slams Axel off the top, before hitting a big boot and the bionic elbow. The huskier Dudley then follows up with a uranage (called correctly by Rich) for two.

    Scoop slam and Wassup follow, leading into D-Von being informed that tables are required post-haste. That was as good as it got for the Dudleys. Rose and Dallas cut D-Von off at the pass, which concerns Bubba so much that he falls victim to the fatal distraction/schoolboy combo. Axelmania lives. Dumb finish and yet another loss for the Dudleys. They’ve only won two televised matches this year and haven’t won a conventional tag-team match via pinfall on RAW since they beat The Ascension on November 16th of last year. And everyone beats those guys.

    Final Thoughts

    Another weak edition of the show, highlighted only by Jerry Lawler’s continuing return to former glories as a heel announcer. Meanwhile, the eroding of any credit remaining in the Dudley account continues, as they lose to a joke outfit that got knocked out en masse by the Big Show on RAW. Bubba must surely be hoping and praying that the rumoured plans to give him a run as a singles heel are restored to the agenda as soon as possible. As for D-Von, what’s that Deacon guy up to these days, I wonder?

  • WWE Main Event results: #SocialOutcasts go viral in Laredo

    The newly-formed Social Outcasts open the show to successfully live down Monday night’s abysmal introductory promo. They enter to Heath Slater’s theme, which does nothing to dispel assumptions that this grouping will be 4MB in all but name. The graphic at the bottom of the screen suggests that there will be no hashtag in the faction’s title; however, one is prominently featured on their bland (and presumably placeholding) TitanTron video.

    Slater beings by screaming: “Forever trending baby, Social Outcasts!” before encouraging the WWE Universe to take their penicillin…as he and his cronies are about to go viral. What chance have we got against anitbiotic-resistant bacteria when opinion-moulders like Slater are peddling misinformation like this? Shameful.

    Adam Rose leans in to bring the weirdness again. He talks in floral metaphors before throwing off his spectacles and announcing to the world that he does in fact have 20/20 vision. Okay.

    Slater goes to start flapping his gums again, but becomes distracted by Curtis Axel’s frantic pacing in the background. This allows Bo to jump in, telling us that poor Curtis may be very upset, but he is about to release some of that inner anger on The Usos. Bo states that he and his new jobber pals will be “walking the path of success together”. He then goes to deliver his catchphrase, only for the Usos’ theme to cut him off mid-sentence.

    Jimmy shouts “Whoa!” like a million times, which somehow manages to get roughly five of this previously dead-silent Laredo crowd to chant along with him. The Usos clearly have taken issue with their names being mentioned in anger. Bo attempts to receive them with a friendly handshake as they climb into the ring, only for Axel to attack them and ruin the gesture. What a hothead. Predictably, Jimmy and Jey get the upper hand and clean house, leaving the Social Outcasts to run up the ramp and lick their wounds ahead of tonight’s featured contest. Yay.

    – More promo “goodness” on an unusually talk-heavy installment of Main Event, as we get one of those “awesome” promos from the Star Room, in which Stardust says some cryptic things that may or may not be directed at his opponent for the night, Titus O’Neil.

    Titus O’Neil def. Stardust by pinfall

    This, of course, is a rematch from RAW the previous night, where Titus emerged victorious from a nothing match. We get an inset promo from The Big Deal as he makes his entrance, in which he tells us that 2016 will be his year. He said the same thing almost exactly two years ago – the last time the Prime Time Players went their separate ways. That didn’t go well. Remember Slater Gator?

    Rich Brennan helpfully reminds us of the now-forgotten storyline of Titus attempting to get Stardust to drop this stupid gimmick. God forbid the matches have any actual motivation behind them or anything.

    Titus’ weaknesses are masked by keeping this one short. Usual overhand chops in the corner to start, before Stardust works the left arm for a while for some reason. A missed crossbody off the top from Stardust leads into the comeback, as Titus hits the Pay Check, the Stinger Splash and the Clash of the Titus for the win.

    Tyler Breeze def. Zack Ryder by pinfall

    It’s hilarious that this aired just two days after the Breaking Ground season finale, in which Tyler’s triumphant promotion to the main roster was highlighted. What an unmitigated failure that has been. Breeze, of course, made his entrance alone here, after last week’s amicable parting of the ways with Summer Rae on Smackdown. Ugh.

    These two only get three minutes to do their thing. Breeze escapes a Broski Boot by slipping under the bottom rope, only to eat a baseball slide for his troubles. Back in, and Ryder hits a running forearm in the corner. He goes up for the ten-punch, but gets crotched, which allows Breeze to – awkwardly – tie him up for the Unprettier and the win. I absolutely hate that finish, the aptness of its name in this instance notwithstanding.

    – RAW Rebound: Focusing on the Roman/Vince developments and conveniently editing out Vince’s unbelievable botch before Scott Armstrong’s arrival on the scene.

    The Usos def. Bo Dallas and Curtis Axel (w/ Heath Slater and Adam Rose)

    Jerry Lawler, who joins Rich on commentary this week, speculates that Dallas may be the leader of this motley crew, as Dallas gets beaten on by Jimmy in the early going. Hands up who isn’t surprised that Jerry doesn’t know what Heath Slater’s music sounds like? Rich corrects him, to his credit, but of course Jerry no-sells the error.

    Bo prevents getting tossed over the top rope, slipping under it limbo-style instead. He feels that this merits a well-earned victory lap. And is excitedly joined by the other three in what can only be described as a conga line of the damned. Slater air-guitars and Axel screams loudly. The crowd is silent.

    Jimmy and Jey greet the completion of said victory lap with stereo dives to Bo and Axel leading into the final commercial break. We come back with Jey as your babyface-in-peril. He gets worked on for a while, also eating a cheap shot from Heath while the referee is distracted.

    We eventually get what might charitably be referred to as a lukewarm tag to Jimmy, who cleans house with the usual samoan drop/hip attack/superkick offence. He goes up top to hit the Superfly Splash on Bo, only to get distracted by Slater’s presence on the apron. Jimmy chases him off, allowing Bo to catch him with an O’Connor Roll. Jimmy reverses it however, for the pinfall victory. So, the Social Outcasts’ unbeaten run lasts a whole 24 hours from inception, rendering Heath’s victory over Dolph Ziggler even more pointless. And tonight’s failed distraction finish makes Ziggler look like even more of an idiot for his part in the end of Monday’s match.

    Final Thoughts:

    Under ten minutes of in-ring action prior to the featured contest makes this an unusually promo-heavy edition of Main Event. The Social Outcasts opened the show with a chance to shine on the mic. They didn’t. But they did sustain their first loss as a group, only 24 hours after coalescing. 4MB it is, then. I hope Curtis, Bo and Adam have saved their money.

  • WWE Main Event Results 12/29: Jack Swagger and Stardust bring the work rate

    R-Truth def. Heath Slater by pinfall

    Full entrance for R-Trizzle, who thankfully remembers that he is in fact in Washington D.C. tonight. Eden can be seen laughing in the background at 1993’s catchphrase-du-jour, “Whoomp, there it is!” People over there, what’s up, indeed.

    Rich Brennan informs me that his opponent, Heath Slater, finished #8 in the Slammy voting for Superstar of the Year. Huh.

    Brennan and Byron Saxton hilariously talk about the prospect of The Big Show winning this year’s Royal Rumble, as Truth gets the shine. Our forgetful hero taunts Slater with what Byron calls the “jiggy jiggy” off a failed Irish whip, before dodging Heath and sending him crashing to the outside leading into commercials.

    Slater the works the left knee forever when we get back, before we get a quick Truth comeback and a Lie Detector out of nowhere for the pinfall victory. This went over nine minutes (not including the commercials) and I felt every minute of it.

    Titus O’Neil def. Adam Rose by pinfall

    Adam’s TitanTron reminds me that they’ve mercifully dropped the Rosebush segments on RAW. And by the look of his morose, disinterested demeanour, he ain’t too pleased about it either.

    Announcers mention that Titus and Darren have been dipping their respective toes in the singles competition waters of late. At least Titus, a Main Event fixture, has had those exploits televised. Young was reduced to defeating Curtis Axel in a dark match at this particular taping.

    Trademark overhand chop in the corner from Mr. O’Neil, followed by the ol’ rib-breaker toss that he’s equally fond of – which I’m reliably informed is called the Pay Check.

    Short match here that went just over four minutes. Quick heat segment from Rose after he used a rope break to his advantage, only to get cocky and allow Titus to come back at him with impressive fire.

    Big boot, The Meltzer Bark, a stinger splash and a Clash of the Titus wraps it up for the big man. He millions-of-dollarses with a frankly quite befuddled and bespectacled old man afterwards to celebrate.

    – Recap of the Vince angle from RAW, entitled “Arrested Developments” by the Main Event producer, in what may or may not be a nod at the greatest sitcom of all time (season four notwithstanding).

    Jack Swagger def. Stardust by submission

    Swagger dominates leading into an early commercial break. He then takes an impressive bump to the outside when we return, slamming off the ring steps after a failed corner charge.

    Work rate disproportionate to a show of Main Event’s standing continues, as Stardust hits a massive superplex off the top rope to highlight the heat portion of the match.

    Swagger then starts his comeback by foiling a subsequent Figure Four attempt, before hitting a running clothesline on the outside to get the crowd going.

    Back in and Stardust dodges the Swagger Bomb, before hitting a Side Effect for two. A nice series of reversals follows, as Swagger catches ‘Dust off a Disaster Kick attempt, only to find himself sunset flipped. Swagger then avoids the pinfall by countering into the Patriot Lock, which Stardust escapes.

    Finishing sequence sees Stardust land on his feet off a Swagger back suplex attempt. He immediately lines up the Queen’s Crossbow, only for Swagger to roll him into another Patriot Lock, which this time gets the tap. Really good effort from these two.

    Final Thoughts

    A second featured contest in as many weeks for Swagger and he again turns in a surprisingly good bout by C-show standards. Watch that and ditch the rest.

  • WWE Main Event Results: Tyler Breeze and Goldust fail to make the Smackdown card

    Tyler Breeze w/Summer Rae def. Goldust by pinfall

    Our opening contest is presented to us off the back of a one-week build, after Goldust’s selfie stick antics distracted Tyler into a loss to Titus O’Neil on last week’s Smackdown. It’s a measure of how far Breeze’s star has fallen that this match did not even make it on to Tuesday night’s live show – a show that, for example, featured The Ascension paying the price for not respecting decorations.

    Cute spot to begin here, where Tyler lies on the turnbuckle while waiting for Goldust to arise from his pre-match squat position, only for Goldust to then mimic him after getting the upper hand with a shoulder tackle.

    Goldust hits his reverse atomic drop, before sending Breeze to the outside and grabbing the selfie stick from a concerned Summer Rae. Breeze turns him around in fury, only to eat a forearm – allowing Goldust to take a lovely photo of himself and his fallen foe leading into commercials. Refreshing after watching this week’s Smackdown, where FOUR matches went to break right after the heel gained the advantage. Nice work, Road Dogg.

    Back with Goldust still on top, but Tyler quickly reverses the momentum by hitting a dropkick as Goldust comes off the ropes. Uninspiring heel offence follows, before Goldust briefly initiates a comeback – only to be cut-off with a super(model)kick for two. This leads us into the near-falls segment of the match, where Goldust also manages a typically crisp snap powerslam for another close two. He then inexplicably goes to the top rope, only to be distracted by Summer climbing the ringsteps in a repeat of last week’s awful Neville/Rusev finish.

    This allows Breeze to hit a second Supermodel Kick to down Goldust and secure the pinfall. Couple of mildly amusing moments from Goldust before the heat, but the rest wasn’t great – capped by a super-lame finish.

    Bo Dallas def. Fandango by pinfall

    Box-office stuff. Fandango cuts off Bo’s patented early victory lap (Bo: “I’M WINNING!”) with a clothesline, before shouting “Bolieve!” to celebrate.

    Very short match here, with not much of a structure to it. Fandango quickly starts his comeback after a Bo chinlock, hitting a dangerous looking slingshot leg drop for two. Pretty sure he connected with Bo’s face on that one.

    Fandango goes up top for The Last Dance, only for Bo to down him by hitting the ropes, before lifting him for his spinning neckbreaker off the ropes for the win.

    After the match, Bo finally finishes that victory lap, before getting on the mic to announce to the crowd that the rest of 2015 doesn’t matter – as he’s finished it a winner. He tells us that this is “just the bo-ginning”. Best of luck with that, champ.

    – We get a comprehensive look-back at Monday night’s Slammy Award ceremony.

    Jack Swagger def. The Miz by submission

    Miz holds up proceedings by flapping his arms to prepare for sunglasses takeoff, as is customary. Swagger, unimpressed, responds by making Miz wait for a rousing “We The People” chant.

    Early Swagger shine falls asunder when he attempts a suplex to the outside, only for Miz to duck under his legs, drop him on the apron and hit him with a baseball slide leading into commercials.

    Back with Miz signalling for the Awesome Clothesline (Miz: “I’m the people!”), only for Swagger to explode out of the corner with one of his own. Miz rolls to the floor to escape the ensuing Swagger Bomb attempt and decides to head up the ramp and cut his losses. Swagger chases him down however, and they do the “I’ll hold the back of your head while we walk together” spot on the way back to the ring.

    Miz gets his feet up off another Swagger Bomb attempt before hitting the DDT for two, to lead us into a very nice near-fall sequence. Said sequence culminates with Miz landing on his feet off an attempted Swagger gutwrench, before hitting a running boot to the head for two. Miz stalls and milks the crowd heat before lining up another – and hitting it. He then goes to the well a third time, only to be rolled-up for another close two-count. This allows Swagger to finally hit the Swagger Bomb at the third time of asking.

    Forearm exchange follows, which Swagger gets the best of, but Miz dodges a corner charge and finally gets that Awesome Clothesline he looked for earlier. Miz then, like Goldust, inexplicably goes to the top, only to jump right into a belly-to-belly slam and a Patriot Lock for the submission. Surprisingly good match from these two.

    Final Thoughts

    A step up from last week’s show as the so-called “featured contest”, between Jack Swagger and The Miz, was a very watchable affair. More bad news for Tyler Breeze however, as the first match of the Goldust feud that began on last week’s Smackdown wasn’t even deemed worthy of a spot on this week’s live show. Hey, at least he won for a change.

  • WWE Main Event Results: Rusev rages at flag malfunction, The Usos vs. The Ascension

    Rusev w/Lana def. Neville by submission (15:00)

    Fortunately, The Miz was shown backstage watching this on TV (at a preposterous angle of course) with megaphone in hand, rather than shouting through it at ringside. An admission here that that particular piece of this promising nascent Neville storyline did not work on Monday night.

    Lots of Neville using his speed to avoid Rusev and employ some trusty arm-wringers to start here – before the Bulgarian caught him off a cross-body attempt and fallaway slammed him leading into the break. Back with Rusev continuing to get the heat, working a slow methodical pace that fails to hold the interest. Neville manages an enziguri to start his comeback and follows up with a missile dropkick and a superkick to set up the Red Arrow.

    Rusev rolls to the floor to avoid however, so Neville hits him with a moonsault to the outside instead, before rolling Rusev back into the ring for a second bite at the Red Arrow apple. This is Lana’s cue to climb the ringsteps and point at Neville, which is apparently enough of a distraction to cause him to hesitate and allow Rusev to recover. Rusev slams Neville off the top, before hitting the kick to the head and locking on the Accolade for the submission finish.

    Pretty boring heel offence from Rusev here. The match was briefly enlivened by the moonsault highspot, only for it to eventually fall victim to the dumbest of dumb distraction finishes.

    Post-match, Rusev shows exactly why he’s so awesome by ad-libbing a fantastically furious reaction to his flag failing to unfurl properly from the ceiling. He grabs his own handheld version and waves it furiously, before handing it off to Lana and cussing out the WWE staff at ringside in Bulgarian instead. Fantastic stuff.

    Jack Swagger def. Bo Dallas by submission (12:08)

    Alas, Vince McMahon did not appear to call a premature end to this clash of the titans. Bo shows off his jiggle with an early victory lap, before Swagger takes control leading into the break with a vicious running clothesline on the outside.

    Swagger is still dominant when we return, only for Bo to kick off his heat with a double sledge off the ropes. Dallas then continues his gimmick of shouting “BOLIEVE!” while applying restholds. One too many Bolieves allows Swagger to recover and shoot for an anklelock, which Bo escapes, only to eat yet another running clothesline.

    Bo gets the knees up off a Swagger Bomb attempt, but gets thrown to the outside, where he trips Swagger on the apron and throws him into the steps for a close nine-count. Bo signals for the Bodog, but Swagger reverses it into the Patriot Lock for the submission, to put a merciful end to this disjointed and dull affair.

    – We get our obligatory RAW recap, focusing on Roman Reigns’ one-night ascension to the top of the company. Worth noting that they did not show the Brogue Kick kick-out here, but did show the post-match celebrations with the Usos and Dean Ambrose. Still no explanation as to where those guys were on Sunday night, though.

    The Usos def. The Ascension by pinfall (5:55)

    Jimmy gets the shine on Konnor to start us off, before tagging in Jey – your babyface-in-peril for the evening – who immediately gets caught with a flapjack to start the heat. Viktor tags in and hits an excellent looking STO to Jey on the outside. He applies a headlock inside the ring, before neatly swatting away an attempted dropkick from the Uso. A damn crisp worker is our Viktor.

    Konnor comes in and ruins everything by eating a Jey elbow off an attempted corner charge. Enziguri from Jey leads to the hot tag to brother Jimmy, who runs wild on Viktor – hitting him with the usual Samoan Drop and corner hip attack combo.

    Double superkicks to both Konnor and Viktor follow, before Jimmy hits the Superfly Splash on the latter for the pinfall victory. Short, by-the-numbers and perfectly acceptable tag match, highlighted by Viktor’s contribution.

    Final Thoughts

    A pretty bleh show this week, highlighted by Rusev’s ability to think on his feet and react to the overhead flag malfunction. As for the actual wrestling, there’s not much to recommend here. An eminently skippable outing for Main Event, I’m afraid.