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Tag: WWE Main Event

  • WWE Main Event results: Rusev vs. Zack Ryder; Baron Corbin vs. Sin Cara

    By Kevin LaRose for F4WOnline.com

    Welcome to the longest running episodic Internet Wrestling Show recap report in the history of all time and space: The main Eeent of weekly WWE recaps, the weekly recap of WWE Main Event.

    The Ascension vs. Big Cass and Enzo Amore

    The commentary team is very concerned about the WWE right now. Tom Phillips thinks that the WWE is in the midst of a time of change. David Otunga, I’m not too sure about him. Between showing up regularly at the Steve Harvey Show, painting the town red with his Hollywood wife, being a high powered attorney, and making sure his arms are ripped to the point of absurdity, I can understand how he doesn’t have time to reflect on how I find his fashion offensive. He is wearing a sleeveless hoodie over a shirt that has to be a Youth XL, because it looks like it is about to tear itself in half from being so tight.

    And Phillips is right, things are changing because the other Ascension is back from his suspension.

    Enzo and Cass make their way out to a huge ovation from the crowd, and Otunga has the nerve to make fun of Enzo’s outfit. Enzo says his piece, and they get a few laughs over on the Ascension. Big Cass talks a lot about football for a really long time. Otunga continues to make fun of Enzo’s outfits. Enzo starts off the fight against Viktor, and then Konnor gets tagged. There’s a cool spot where Enzo lands a springboard plancha and Viktor hits him with a corkscrew uppercut. Otunga loves that move. Konner beats up Enzo, and the Ascension cut him off and everyone wants the HOT TAG.

    Enzo makes tag to Big Cass and they hit the Badda Boom Shaka Laka for the win.

    We learn that John Cena speaks Mandarin.

    Sin Cara vs Baron Corbin

    Otunga reminisces for a moment on his in-ring career. Out comes Corbin. He’s closed the book on his rivalry with Dolph Ziggler, according to Phillips. So with that out of the way, now is the opportunity to establish who Corbin is with the audience. I know what he is. He’s a sweaty biker dude with a skullet, who also drives an old white van, carries a pocket knife and will do unspeakably horrific things to you if he doesn’t like you, and man oh man, he doesn’t like you because Corbin doesn’t like anyone. Otunga thinks Corbin is a future world champion, and everyone knows Otunga is famous for his eye for talent.

    Sin Cara kicks Corbin, and then Corbin throws Cara across the ring. Cara fights back for a bit and attempts the pin to no avail. Corbin hits the End of Days, and as my girlfriend always says, “No one ever kicks out of the End of Days”.

    Otunga is so excited about the upcoming brand split.

    US Champion Rusev vs Zack Ryder

    If there is any justice in the world, Rusev will be a multi-time World Champion by the time his run is over. His talent and charisma is off the charts. Plus he gets to hang out with Willie Nelson, Woody Harrelson, and Kris Kristofferson in Hawaii, he tries to play the acoustic guitar in his spare time, he seems like he is in a happy relationship, and he loves Space Jam.

    Dolph Ziggler is on commentary wearing a Degeneration X shirt and a blazer. I have to apologize to Ziggler because I lied to him once. He was doing a comedy thing and I went to laugh, but I didn’t laugh at all because I didn’t think anything was funny. I saw him leaving the venue and I shouted “Good job” to him, and I feel bad because that is not how I felt at the time. Dolph, I hope you can forgive me, and I promise to be honest from now on.

    Otunga, such a brave and bold broadcast journalist, asks Dolph about Rusev and Lana’s engagement. Dolph rambles off about Twitter. Sometimes I think all he has in this world is his Twitter account, @heelziggler. Rusev kicks Ryder in the damn face because Rusev is a damn beast and he can and will rip your damn heart out in front of your damn face. But, he can also steal it from you.

    Rusev has everything it takes to be America’s sweetheart and American Psycho. Otunga is so mad that Rusev is US Champion. No one on commentary thinks that there’s any truth to Rusev’s claim that he is an American hero. What a bunch of ignorant meatheads. Rusev continues to beat the living puke out of Ryder. Ryder shows his heart for a bit, and puts up some offensive. But Rusev machka.

    Ryder taps out to the Accolade. Ziggler calls Phillips “TP”…and we’re done.

  • WWE Main Event results: The Boss returns to ruin Summer Rae’s “New Error”

    Vaudevillains in-ring promo

    The New Era overload continues as Aiden English boasts that leaving the New Day laying “singlehandedly” on RAW proves, once and for all, that the “New Era” reflects the “Bygone Era”, whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean. Simon Gotch then introduces English’s “pre-emptive eulogy” for the New Day’s tag team titles “in the form of song”. English makes a unbelievably terrible World’s Fair reference before singing for a little while until Enzo & Cass interrupt.

    Enzo does his “couple of haters” line, prompting Gotch to ask, non-rhetorically, if he remembers Payback. English reckons that the little man’s head is “S.O.F.T.” after the concussion he sustained on that particular Sunday. And then, Big Cass if forced to recite a line so awful that it almost matched the cruddy material he was given on this very show a few weeks ago. Cass threatens to beat their “rusty pipes….back into Prohibition” so they won’t be able to “speak easy”. Wow.

    Enzo & Cass def. The Vaudevillains by pinfall

    The usual 12 minute opening match, four minutes of which is (fortunately) lost to a commercial break. Gotch and English got the heat on Enzo for an absolute eon. Nobody cared. Eventually Cass did his brief hot tag schtick before setting up Enzo for the silly-looking Rocket Launcher.

    Zack Ryder def. Viktor by pinfall

    Viktor, now kitted out with Darth Maul-esque face-paint, delightfully poses the question, “Where’s your ‘woo woo’ now?”, during the heat. His smugness doesn’t last long however, with Ryder wrapping this one up in under five minutes. The finish saw Viktor get cut off while perched on the top rope. Ryder then hit a ‘rana, followed by the Broski Boot and an Elbro Drop.

    Sasha Banks def. Summer Rae by submission w/ Dolph Ziggler on commentary

    Looks like I wasn’t the only one who appreciated Ziggler’s over-exuberant contributions to the announce booth on last week’s show. Despite having no connection to any current Women’s division storyline, he’s back again to lend his thoughts on Banks’ first televised match since April 18. Ziggler does however reference his history with Summer Rae, which is a nice touch.

    Summer cuts a promo before Banks’ entrance, following up a mention of the brand extension with a hilariously apt slip of the tongue: “New Error”. She reckons that the entire WWE Universe is wondering which show she will end up on. Meanwhile, all three announcers are laughing openly.

    Sasha eventually interrupts, but is quickly cut off by Summer, who mocks her for failing at Wrestlemania. The Boss tells Summer that, despite her thoughts to the contrary, Summer “wouldn’t be Women’s champion at Wrestlemania…..you can’t even hold my mic!”. I guess that’s supposed to be a burn in the writers’ universe, but Summer ruins it by catching the thrown mic! The three announcers again laugh uproariously, with Dolph selling the catch like it was the greatest thing he’s ever seen: “BUT SHE HELD IT!”.

    The match itself was short, at six minutes, but perfectly acceptable. Sasha’s comeback kicked off with running double knees into the face of Summer Rae, with The Boss hanging on for a subsequent pinfall attempt (Dolph: “It would be hard for me to kick out of that, King”). More knee-based offence got cut off by a vicious-looking DDT from Summer, before Sasha caught a spin kick attempt and transitioned straight into a Banks Statement. Summer tapped with both hands, which caused Dolph to lose his bowel contents again: “Double tap, TP!”. The final line uttered, as the show went off the air, was also Ziggler’s: “I love this so much!”.

    Final Thoughts

    As weird as it is to say, Dolph Ziggler’s announcing saved this show. I’m as surprised as you are. The guy’s overconfident, handsy, depth-free promos bug the hell out of me, but he appears to have an aptitude for this; more of an aptitude than he has for stand-up comedy, at least. Meanwhile, everything the Vaudevillains touch continues to turn to ice, as Enzo & Cass are finally involved in a segment so badly scripted that even Enzo’s delivery can’t save it.

  • WWE Main Event results: Xavier Woods channels the power of the singlet

    Xavier “Mini E” Woods

    Big E and Kofi Kingston emerge from the back for an in-ring promo, sheepishly trailed by a rather embarrassed looking, singlet wearing, Xavier Woods. The New Day explain that Woods’ travel bag was stolen, thus prompting their largest member to come to his rescue with clothing from his limited wardrobe. Kofi, in his stupidly dated Dr. Evil voice, proclaims Xavier the New Day’s “Mini E”, which doesn’t help the trombonist’s fears that he may not be in possession of a “singlet body”.

    The Social Outcasts then interrupt, mimicking the New Day’s entrance with the Bo Dallas line: “Prepare to have a blast and give it up for the Social Outcasts!”. To the surprise of no-one, the Outcasts have Woods’ bag in tow. They raid its contents, which include some red underwear and a ‘My Little Pony’, the latter of which leads Curtis Axel to dub Xavier a “j-brony”.

    The Outcasts promise to return the bag if the New Day can defeat them in a match, a challenge that the tag champs eventually accept after a super-serious huddle. They are aware that they squashed these geeks in, like, two minutes on RAW the previous night, right?

    The New Day def. Social Outcasts by pinfall

    This was much longer than the RAW match, with eight minutes aired and a commercial break in the middle. There was a lot of stalling at the beginning, with both teams wiggling their butts at each other and exchanging Bo/New Day Trains for what seemed like a very long time. Even Lawler was forced to exclaim “we already saw that” after the New Day saw fit to engage in a second train.

    The highlight of the match was Woods trying to channel the “power of the singlet” by borrowing moves from Big E’s arsenal, including attempting an early bearhug on Axel that looked completely ridiculous. Later, Woods got the hot tag after the Outcasts got the heat on Kofi for a while, hitting Big E’s running splash on Heath Slater, before playing the big man’s part in the Midnight Hour for the win.

    Paige def. Summer Rae by pinfall

    A nothing match here, that was enlivened by Jerry Lawler successfully cracking Tom Phillips up with jokes about how much his parents hate him: “Your mother says you’re not her favourite, but you’re an only child!”. After an awkwardly worked, five minute encounter, Paige blocked a spin kick, hit a fallaway slam and the Rampaige to pick up the victory.

    Baron Corbin def. Jack Swagger by pinfall w/ Dolph Ziggler on commentary

    As much as I usually find Dolph’s misplaced confidence to be highly irritating, his over-exuberant commentary was admittedly very enjoyable here; think the verbal equivalent of Shawn Michaels selling for Hulk Hogan.  Although, suggesting that Lawler’s shirt sported “Flava Flav’s chain” is an equally antiquated reference to the one Kofi made earlier.

    Corbin’s pre-match inset promo tells us that Swagger is apparently another “technical wrestler” trying to achieve his dreams, while the quickly balding Baron is only here to “hurt people and make money”.

    Catty commentary keeps me entertained as Corbin’s resthold-heavy heat runs the risk of boring me to tears. Dolph: “I’ve been kicked by the boot of Swagger and it’s had way more effect on me!”. Lawler responds by mentioning the ten elbows/heart attack debacle. Get over it, folks!

    The finish sees Corbin make the ropes to counter the Patriot Lock, before kicking Swagger in the throat while the referee is trying to “create separation”. Corbin then pulls his opponent onto the ropes neck first, before following up with the End of Days and staring at Ziggler after the three count.

    Ziggler hypothesises that Corbin might be staring at Lawler, meaning that the final line we hear before the show goes off the air is: “Don’t let him drop an elbow!”. Meow.

    Final Thoughts

    Considering that the “comedy” on this show is usually the dirt worst, Xavier Woods’ Big E tribute was a pleasant surprise. Save for the announcing however, the second half of the show was a hard slog. Although I like Corbin’s vanilla midget antagonist character, he is far from ready to work long singles matches yet, despite his significant in-ring improvements over the last year.

  • WWE Smackdown & Main Event spoilers: Kevin Owens & Miz team up, Dana Brooke vs. Becky Lynch

    Submitted by David Andersen

    Dark Match:

    – Dolph Ziggler b Viktor

    WWE Main Event:

    • Big Cass b Curtis Axel (w/ Bo Dallas)
    • Apollo Crews b Stardust
    • Baron Corbin b Zack Ryder

    WWE Smackdown:

    – The show opened with a Dean Ambrose promo. He said they were now even as Jericho took out his plant, and Ambrose took out the jacket; “an eye for an eye”. He said he would take away everything from Jericho like his ego. Jericho’s pyro goes off and arena lights go out. Lights come back on and Jericho is in the middle of the ring standing over a fallen Ambrose. Jericho then puts Ambrose in a straight jacket.

    As Ambrose fights to get out and to his feet, Jericho pummels Ambrose with kicks and punches. Dean manages to get a few kicks in before taking a Codebreaker. Refs out to separate them. Jericho gets in the last shot before leaving the ring. He jumps on the announce table, grabs the mic, and says his gift to all of us is “The Gift of Jericho”. He continues to stand atop the table soaking up the boos.

    – Rusev is shown backstage slamming the lids shut on several rolling cases screaming as Lana follows behind.

    Rusev w/ Lana submitted Sin Cara w/ Kalisto with the Accolade

    – Renee interview with Emma. She asked Emma who Dana Brooke is. Dana cut her off and said she’s a fitness champion. She then ran down Becky Lynch.

    Dana Brooke w/ Emma b Becky Lynch

    – Backstage promo with The Club. AJ tells Anderson and Gallows to take out The Usos tonight.

    – New Day in ring promo. They recapped The Vaudevillains interfering on Raw, and said they put their noses in their BootyOOOOOOOOs, that the Vaudevillains “Kanye West’d” them, and interfered when the situation had nothing to do with them. It’s a dated reference but it’s ok because The Vaudevillains are from the 1830s. Out come Vaudevillains who said they are real men from a bygone era. English begins singing Xavier’s WWE Tag Team Champions line. Gotch states the sun will set on The New Day at Extreme Rules and the night belongs to The Vaudevillains.

    – Aiden English b Kofi Kingston

    – Backstage promo with The Family. Roman Reigns told The Usos that if AJ shows his face, he will be out there ASAP.

    – The Usos b Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows via DQ when Gallows hit an Uso with a chair on the outside. Roman Reigns has managed to turn 50% of the audience against The Usos as there were dueling chants of “Let’s Go Usos/Usos Suck”.

    – We got a “Life Lessons with Coach Backlund” segment based on managing time. Bob wants Darren Young to use his watch, calendar, mail, and desktop. Young said he had all that on his phone which upset Bob.

    – The Gorgeous Truth b GoldDango. After the match, Tyler Breeze and Fandango turned on their partners and put the boots to Truth and Goldust.

    – We got a Shining Stars vignette. They arrive next Monday on Raw.

    – We got a Renee interview with Charlotte and Ric Flair. Charlotte said what happened on Monday was a travesty, and how dare the McMahons treat him that way. Ric said he’s the dirtiest player in the game & taught Charlotte everything she knew.

    – Kevin Owens & The Miz w/ Maryse b Cesaro & Sami Zayn when Owens pinned Cesaro after a frog splash.

    No locally advertised main event took place.

  • WWE Main Event results: Stardust works the wrong shoulder; Titus returns

    Titus O’Neil def. Damian Sandow by pinfall

    It’s Titus O’Neil’s first televised (non-battle royal) match since the February RAW on which he lost to Adam Rose and roughhoused the boss! This, of course, is also Sandow’s final televised match with the company, after receiving his release last Friday.

    Tom Phillips is also back at the announce desk on this truly landmark edition of Main Event, capitalising on the shitcanning of one Rich Brennan. After accepting Jerry Lawler’s welcome, Phillips proclaims this a “new era with new opportunities”. And no Rich Brennans.

    Sandow worked heel here, because who cares. He was on offence for the majority of the sub-four minute duration of this match, before Titus made a quick comeback and creamed him with the Clash of the Titus. O’Neil did the bark after the bell and looked awkward as the Kansas crowd failed to care.

    – O’Neil’s attempts to dance with a fan are to-the-backed, as we abruptly cut to the Star Room, where Cody Rhodes is STILL Stardust. Cody blathers on about one of the writers’ favourite topics – Dolph’s cruddy comedy “career” – before making a Star Trek reference (something about being cloaked like a Romulan warbird). He also made a joke about Dublin being the largest city in the world because it’s “always doubling”. Hey, at least it’s not a Social Outcasts promo!

    Apollo Crews def. Viktor by pinfall

    Good ol’ Smiley Black Man continues to exclusively work squash matches, polishing off the sole remaining Ascension member with the toss powerbomb in just over four minutes. Viktor, whose work I usually enjoy, disappointed me here by applying a reverse chinlock for a very long time.

    Baron Corbin def. Sin Cara by pinfall

    Third squash in a row here, as hometown hero Corbin puts away Sin Cara in under four minutes. It was a little more interesting than the previous two matches however, with Corbin cutting off an early tope suicida attempt with a vicious forearm, before eventually eating one during the comeback. Said comeback also featured a botched quebrada attempt that Corbin had to quickly adjust his position to receive.

    After taking Cara’s suicide dive, Corbin recovered and flung Cara head first into the ringpost from the powerbomb position, as he did to Dolph Ziggler at Payback. Back in the ring, the reigning ARMBAR champion finished the Lucha Dragon off with the End of Days.

    Dolph Ziggler def. Stardust by pinfall

    Playing off Stardust’s earlier promo, these two worked a comedy match in the early going; featuring a Vintner-esque double noogie from Dolph and a spot where Ziggler ran Stardust around the ring while hammerlocked!

    Ziggler eventually flew into the ringpost shoulder-first to start the heat. Unfortunately for Stardust, who then went on to work Dolph’s left shoulder for the next five minutes, Dolph struck the post with his right – as more than one replay clearly demonstrated.

    Phillips failed to call a Disaster Kick, which got two for Cody after he cut off Ziggler’s comeback. Dolph then hit a superkick out of nowhere to wrap this ten minute match up.

    Final Thoughts

    Not a great show this week. Credit to Cody and Dolph for trying something different with the comedy stuff, but once the heat started the match died and the finish was weak. The rest of the show was just squash city. Not one to seek out, by any means.

  • WWE Main Event results: Apollo remains in the Outcasts orbit; Kane and Big Show

    Apollo Crews def. Curtis Axel by pinfall

    Is Crews stuck in an infinite booking loop, or what? Having beaten all four Social Outcasts since his debut against Tyler Breeze, Crews is then given the rematch against Curtis Axel that we were all clamouring for. It’s worth noting that Axel entered alone here, which meant no pre-match Outcasts promo. Crying shame.

    Despite dispatching Axel in short order in their Smackdown match a couple of weeks ago, Crews takes 13 long minutes to dispense with the now-chainless wonder here. It was a dull match, most notable for a Crews vertical suplex, with an extended delay to showcase his power. Lawler also referred to Axel as Heath Slater at one point, which drew Rich Brennan’s mirth and derision.

    Axel eventually missed a fist drop from the top rope to spur Crews’ comeback, which saw him counter the Perfectplex with a standing enziguri and follow up with the spinning sitout powerbomb for the win.

    Summer Rae def. Alicia Fox by pinfall

    Yeesh, this was bad. And the crowd, who chanted for New Day, knew it too. Summer Rae at least provided some entertainment during her entrance, singing along to her theme and proclaiming: “It’s the best song!”. Alicia, meanwhile, who is no longer a Bella, was bedecked in sky-blue ring gear and accompanied by her old generic theme.

    This lasted four minutes, but felt like fourteen. The seams of the match were very visible, with a lot of awkward spots and miscommunication. Summer eventually won by tossing Foxy neck first onto the ropes and following up with her leg-assisted reverse DDT – the Summer Crush, apparently.

    The Big Show and Kane def. Erick Rowan and Braun Strowman

    Kane’s entrance gets a big pop, simply by dint of him being the first star that this London crowd had seen at the taping so far. The Big Show gives Kane an uncertain thumbs up upon entering the ring, for fear that Kane might goozle him over the top rope again. Like he did only last month. 28 writers, folks.

    The Vintner and Braun enter to Luke Harper’s music and TitanTron, without the injured Bray Wyatt. The match is as dreadful as you might expect, coming in at 15 minutes with TWO (yes, two) hot tags. The lengths they go to avoid having Braun work on television are amusing, with all his part in getting the heat on Show taking place during the commercial break. When we return, Braun immediately tags out!

    The first hot tag, to Kane, is quickly cut off by Braun, as he performs his first two actual moves of the match (a bodyslam and an elbow drop!). Then, the heels get the heat on Kane for a while, including the Vintner using my favourite submission – the double noogie. Mark for it every time, bro.

    Kane immediately hits Braun with a DDT when he tags in to further prevent the big man from exposing the business. He then crawls to Show to make the second hot tag of the match, which culminates in both babyfaces creaming Rowan with a double chokeslam for the victory.

    Final Thoughts

    An appalling edition of the show this week, with very little of merit to recommend it by.

  • WWE Main Event results: Kevin Owens gives us a heel masterclass

    Kalisto def. Heath Slater w/ Social Outcasts by pinfall

    The obligatory terrible pre-match promo centres around Bo calling Kalisto “sugar face”. Yeah, I have no earthly idea why that’s supposed to be funny either.

    Rich Brennan mentions that Kalisto was “banged up” on RAW, but apparently it’s feasible to recover from “minor whiplash” in 24 hours. The match was about what you’d expect from these two; exciting when Kalisto was on offence and stultifyingly dull during the heat.

    Kalisto hit his usual comeback sequence, before finishing a needlessly long 11 minute match with a Salida Del Sol. The US Champion used an interfering Curtis Axel for leverage in a repeat of the finish from his match against Bo Dallas on last week’s Superstars. Way to go, creative.

    – We return from the second commercial break with the defeated Outcasts still in the ring, squabbling amongst themselves. Bo breaks it up by recommending that they take their frustration out on the next man that walks to the ring. That man is Apollo Crews.

    Apollo Crews def. Bo Dallas by pinfall

    Crews enters to one of CFO$’ better recent entrance theme efforts, a tune that seems to fit his buoyant personality perfectly. I was tempted to say it fits his character perfectly, but he doesn’t really have one; hence the nickname ‘Smiley Black Man’ that he enjoys in this household, which helpfully marks out his only three defining characteristics.

    Crews, like Kalisto, is another athletic babyface that is doomed to cycle through the Social Outcasts at the minute. He adds to his recent victories over Axel and Adam Rose by putting away Bo Dallas in a three minute squash here, finishing him with the spinning sitout powerbomb deal.

    Kevin Owens def. Dolph Ziggler by pinfall

    Well now, this was something to behold; unquestionably the best match that this show has produced since I started covering it last year. Owens put on a heel clinic here, with the majority of the bout focused on burnishing his new self-gifted “headlock master” moniker.

    A string of Owens side headlocks kicked us off, with the former IC champion desperate to convince the referee that Dolph was conceding defeat: “He said yes, I heard him!”. Owens’ attention then turned to the old reliable reverse chinlock, with one application of the hold engaged after running the ropes to fool the fans into expecting action (Owens: “This is my new thing!”).

    Ziggler eventually fought up from one of these with a back suplex (Owens: “He broke my headlock!”), before commencing a hot comeback that the crowd very much went with. Owens cut him off with a boot to the chin, before hitting a massive frog splash from the top rope for two. The former Mr. Steen roared at Jerry Lawler to tell the ref that was three, to which The King shouted back: “I agree!”.

    Owens signaled for his finish, but Ziggler leaped over his shoulders instead and planted him with a superkick for an excellent nearfall that everybody (including me) bit on. This prompted the lesser-heard “This is awesome!” chant from the watching San Diego crowd.

    That led us into the finish, with Owens kicking out of a schoolboy before catching a frantic Ziggler on the rebound with the Pop-Up Powerbomb for the win.

    After the bell, the always insecure bully heel ran to the announce desk to shout the odds at Rich Brennan, before stealing his phone to teach him a lesson! Hilarious.

    Final Thoughts

    What an absolutely amazing heel performer this company possesses in Kevin Owens. The fact that they prefer to use their anointed top babyface as a tweener rather than feature the best natural bad guy at their disposal makes no sense to me. Every heel in the business should sit down and watch what this guy did with restholds for 16 minutes here. And the little nuances he adds to his character – like the need for praise from babyface announcers – are something that very few others can bring to the table either. Watch this match and skip the Social Outcasts tripe.

  • WWE Main Event results: Ryback battles a Wrestlemania legend

    First off, my deepest apologies to my tens of fans for my failure to file over the last fortnight. But, worry not; my difficulties in accessing the show in a timely manner (or, indeed, at all) have been resolved.

    Unfortunately, my return to casting a critical eye over Main Event is marked by a show that is over 80% Wrestlemania hype. Video packages were aired on the Reigns/Authority, Shane/Taker (two) and Dean/Brock storylines. One match was taped before RAW in Brooklyn on Monday night, featuring Sunday’s US title challenger The Ryback against the one-time conqueror of Chris Jericho, Fandango.

    Ryback def. Fandango by pinfall

    Jerry Lawler troubles me with his depth of knowledge on Ryback by insisting that “everything about The Big Guy is bigger”. Yeesh.

    Rich Brennan repeats Monday night’s faux-pas by reminding us all that the company once chose to put Fandango over Chris Jericho at Wrestlemania. I guess it’s less dumb when Jericho isn’t in the segment, but it’s still never a fantastic idea to remind your viewers exactly how amateurish you are at judging talent.

    Speaking of bad ideas, someone thought it would be pretty gravy to have their monster heel, who is challenging for a belt on Sunday, take over ten minutes to put away a guy who hasn’t won a televised match since mid-December. Solid logic there and no mistake.

    Fandango therefore got plenty of offence in this one, including a high knee from the apron to the outside to grab the advantage leading into an early commercial break. Ryback’s heat is that of a man who hasn’t worked heel in a while; painfully dull, including an excruciatingly long chinlock.

    Fandango dodges a corner charge and follows up with a baseball slide to initiate his comeback. He even sidesteps Ryback’s first attempt at the Meathook clothesline with a school boy roll-up for two-and-a-half. Ryback immediately pops up and connects with said Meathook however, followed by the Shellshock for the win. Only six minutes of this aired, but it felt longer as it was dull, disjointed and heatless throughout.

    Final Thoughts

    Not much to add really. Join me again tomorrow for a similarly attenuated edition of Smackdown and be sure to check out my – and the rest of the team’s – Wrestlemania predictions later in the week.

  • WWE Main Event results: Rich Brennan goes full Striker; Natalya warms up for Roadblock

    Zack Ryder def. Tyler Breeze by pinfall

    Yes, you read that correctly. Breeze’s descent into jobber hell continues; boy, does that season finale of Breaking Ground look ill-judged now.

    Rich Brennan proclaims that his opponent, Zack Ryder, has been “on a roll” lately. Sure he is! If you call pinning Stardust on Superstars over a month ago a “roll” – Ryder’s only televised singles victory of the year. He truly is on a tear and no mistake.

    These two got a lot of time here and they used it well, turning in a very good match (of which roughly ten minutes aired). The announcers gabbed about Shane McMahon throughout however, including Jerry Lawler pointing out that Vince’s baby boy has been a mere waiter for the last seven years – “Yeah, waiting for his old man to die!”.

    Line of the night goes to Brennan though, who produced a piece of philosophical bullshit in reference to Breeze’s appearance that demanded transcription: “The art of combat requires artful deception to create a misleading perception of what’s to come”. He went full Striker, folks. Never go full Striker.

    Back to the actual match (oh, the irony!) and both men deserve credit for some innovative spots, particularly in the near-falls section of the match. Highlights included Breeze using the ring apron to crotch Ryder off a plancha attempt and a package rib-breaker from Breeze. Ryder also busted out Big Show’s old short-lived Final Cut finisher for a two count.

    The finish saw Zack bust out a new one, which he has dubbed the Elbro Drop; a close-range diving elbow drop from the top rope, would you believe. It looked pretty cool; well-executed and a big step up on the Rough Ryder.

    – Renee Young was slumming it on Main Event this week. She was backstage with Paige and Natalya who assured her that their historically “rocky relationship” was behind them. Keen viewers of the product will remember that Paige once beat the tar out of Nattie backstage only for the latter to completely forget about that upon her return to TV.

    Poor “Nah-eeee”, as Paige would call her, was given the task of plugging Total Divas, pointing out that her partner’s “Miley Cyrus” style antics could be perused on that show. Does Miley like to move in with bearded emos after five minutes, before freaking out and claiming that she doesn’t “do relationships” too? Naomina interrupt to tell their opponents for tonight that they’re going to step on them on the road to Wrestlemania. Best of luck with that. Oh, and they did another awkward pause at the end too, where the heels had to try not to look uncomfortable as the camera lingered on their faces.

    Ryback def. Bo Dallas via pinfall

    Ryback completes a full house of victories over the Social Geeks. I audibly groan when I see the latter emerge on the ramp with microphones again.

    All four sit on the apron and flap their gums before Ryback’s arrival. Axel and Rose both claim that they would have beaten Ryback if they had more help. Bo tells Rose that he loves his nicknames and tells Axel that he loves his stupid chop/scream gimmick to defuse the tension.

    Ryback saves the day by interrupting and finishing Bo in under three minutes with the Shellshock. My only gripe is that he did the ground-and-pound spot again, where the referee doesn’t act despite the fact that his opponent is not defending himself. If they’re going to borrow from MMA, do it properly. Ref stoppage isn’t unprecedented in wrestling and there’s nothing wrong with it. Plus, the Shellshock is a sucky finisher anyway.

    Naomina def. Paige and Natalya by pinfall

    I’m guessing this was booked before Nattie’s title match with Charlotte was added to Roadblock. The faces try to top “Unity!” In the dreadful stakes by nose kissing each other before the bell. Lawler, disgusted, says you should never trust anyone with cats, conveniently forgetting that he revealed he owned three earlier in the show. Rich, to his credit, reminds him of this.

    Not a bad 10+ minute match here, but it was pretty boring when the heels were getting the heat on Paige. There was a very strangely executed spot to set up the heat portion of the match, when Paige chased a cowering Naomi outside, only to turn away for no reason and get nailed with a superkick from Tamina.

    Naomi’s showboating eventually allows Paige to hot tag Nattie and set up the finish. Nattie runs through her usual spots, before Tamina breaks up a Sharpshooter attempt on Naomi. Nattie discus clotheslines Tamina out of the equation, only to fall victim to the Naomi Calls That The Rear View for the pinfall victory. Charlotte better watch her back! Natalya is “on a roll”!

    Final Thoughts

    Breeze vs. Ryder is worth a watch, for sure. Great to see Zack looking so motivated and the new finish is a good fit too. Perhaps it’s the experience of interacting with human puppy Mojo Rawley that has made him realise the grass isn’t always greener. The rest is very skippable, with the featured contest only notable for the fact that Natalya, your challenger for the Divas title at Roadblock, takes the fall. Hopefully she and Charlotte can rekindle some of the magic of their May 2014 classic regardless.

  • WWE Main Event results: Lana scouts Brie; Ryback pummels Outcast

    Paige, Natalya and Brie Bella def. Summer Rae and Team B.A.D. by submission

    Some rare six-diva tag action to kick off this week’s Main Event. Jerry Lawler, the star of the show most weeks, responds to a Rich Brennan call by asking “Basement dropkick!? Who do you think you are, Mauro Ranallo?!”

    The entrance music of Lana interrupts this match early on, as her new-found foe Brie goes at it with Summer Rae. Lana sits on the announce desk to take in proceedings; Lawler accuses Brennan of being “sweaty” in response.

    The heel divas get the heat on Nattie (who else?), before she makes a quick, and therefore underwhelming, lukewarm tag to Brie. Brie delivers her husband’s kicks to Naomi to piped in “Yes!” chants, before Tamina interferes and the match breaks down. All the girls hit various moves on each other, before the fog clears and Brie reverses a Naomi high cross into the Yes Lock for the submission victory. Is there anything else of Daniel’s she can co-opt to compensate for being the worst babyface ever?

    After the match, the victors stare at Lana, who just stands there and applauds. Well, at least we didn’t get any shitty, Oscars reference-laden dialogue. Small mercies.

    Ryback def. Heath Slater w/ Social Outcasts by pinfall

    The Outcasts get in-ring promo time before the match, in which they acknowledge Adam Rose’s mauling at the hands of Big Guy (thanks, Granny!) on RAW. Rose says that tonight it’s going to be Legends with The Crimson Werewolf, instead of JBL. Hilarious. Axel cuts in, admonishing Rose for his nicknaming. He says he knows Ryback and that it’s time to get serious. He then goes insane, chopping the air and screaming. The other three join in. Jerry Lawler: “Well, I’m glad we were all part of that little experience!”. Quite.

    The actual match is wrapped inside three minutes. Ryback repeated the spot from RAW where he grounds and pounds his opponent; although this time the ref’s credibility was spared as Slater made the ropes. Slater ate the Shellshock moments later.

    Lucha Dragons def. The Ascension by pinfall

    At this point, I noticed that NXT’s Greg Hamilton was announcing in Eden Stiles’ stead. I also noticed that Kalisto was STILL the US Champion, despite being slotted back into tags and completely de-emphasised on television since Fastlane.

    This was another three minute match. The heels got the heat on Sin Cara, leading into the usual Kalisto hot tag stuff. Finish was cool however, with Sin Cara doing a suicide dive through Kalisto’s legs. Kalisto then reversed Viktor’s electric chair into a ‘rana, before hitting the SDS. Sin Cara followed up with the Swanton Bomb for the pin.

    – Stardust is backstage in the Star Room, rambling about dealing with Zack Ryder on the road to Wrestlemania. I think. Presumably he’s comfortable cutting promos in the ol’ Star Room again now that Vince’s roughhouser has been suspended.

    Stardust def. Zack Ryder by pinfall

    These guys have been feuding on Superstars of late, with Cody up 2-1 thus far. This win-loss record was not mentioned on commentary, of course. Perish the thought.

    Good match here, eight minutes of which was televised either side of the commercial break. The nearfall segment of it was particularly good, with some nice reversals; including Ryder smoothly countering a suplex into a neckbreaker for two. Ryder also hit a nice looking top rope elbow for two after foiling a Stardust superplex attempt.

    The finish saw Ryder attempt the go-behind off a whip to the corner, only for Stardust to scout him, take a step back, and grab him for the Queen’s Crossbow. 3-1 to Stardust!

    After the match, Stardust stood on the desk and stared at the crowd to celebrate, prompting Lawler to quip “Can we get Lana back out here!?” as the show went off the air. Heh.

    Final Thoughts

    Featured contest between Stardust and Ryder was worth watching; some nice chemistry has developed between the two after their recent series. Other than that, there’s not much to see here. The confirmation that we are in fact getting a Lana/Brie feud is probably the biggest news to come out of this week’s edition.