Paypress testing

Tag: TLC

  • TLC 2015 PPV read-along: Sheamus vs. Roman Reigns, HHH destroyed

    Tables, Ladders, and Chairs… Oh My!  Part 7, The Finale

    By: PeachMachine (@hendosfoodblog and @parkingcone)

    This week…

    TLC 7: December 13, 2015; Boston, Massachusetts, TD Garden

    I figured I’d better review the most recent offering from the WWE TLC PPV series in the same manner in which I did the first six (read-along style) but I wanted to give it a little bit of time to digest before doing it to see the follow up on Raw. It was their best TLC, and the ending actually got decent heat, and played great into the story the next night with Vince McMachon returning and Roman winning the championship.

    King, Cole, and JBL on the pipes. King sucks a bag of aardvark turds. He’s so out of place. Why does Vince keep him around? He’s not funny and his schtick is tired. I’m not saying they had someone better, but NOW they have someone better. I’m looking forward to Mauro Ranallo big time. 

    Pre Show Match: Sasha Banks (with Naomi and Tamina) defeated Becky Lynch by submission… but we’ll never see it.

    The New Day (Big E. Langston and Kofi Kingston with Xavier Woods) (c) vs. The Lucha Dragons (Kalisto and Sin Cara) vs. The Usos (Jimmy Uso and Jey Uso) for the Tag Team Championship in a triple threat tag team ladder match for the WWE Tag Team Championship

    • New Day needs to keep their intro to the same verbiage each time so they can get the crowd chanting along.
    • I’m surprised nobody has pointed out the wings on Kofi’s shoes.  Awesome!
    • Lilian introduced the Lucha Dragons in Spanish, which, as a fluent Spanish speaker was muy bien.  That’s Spanish.  I’ll translate it for you someday. 
    • She should have done the Uso’s intro in pigeon.  I’m fluent in that as well.  Pigeon is like half English, half Island slang, mixed with some Polynesian.
    • They should do a ladder match where no ladders are ringside.  They could spend 25 minutes running around backstage looking for a scissor lift.
    • Two minutes in, the Usos are alone in the ring WITH A LADDER and decide to just throw it.  They could have easily won.  That’s why multi-team ladder matches are lame.
    • I really want to know the story behind Xavier and the trombone.  Did he play it in 7th grade band class?  Did he find one backstage and practice one day?  Is he just wingin’ it?
    • King said, “He got chopped like a veg-o-matic.”  Why is he still employed? Does anyone under 35 know what an “anything-o-matic” is?
    • Big E. pressed the ladder with both Dragons on it.  That was cool.
    • There was a lot of innovation here with unique ladder spots.
    • Salida del sol from the top of the ladder!  Luckily it was onto the gimmick ladder that broke at the wooden joint. 
    • Woods tosses his trombone at Kalisto and Kofi unhooks the clip and grabs the belts for the win. 
    • I’m still waiting for the tag team ladder match where one guy from each team grabs a belt and they are forced to be the new champions together.

    Rusev (with Lana) vs. Ryback

    • In the pre match video, they recapped Ryback referencing “Teen Wolf” the TV show.  What?  There are a bazillion other shows that would have made more sense. First, Ryback is hairless.
    • Do you think Ryback sells a ton of beanies and necklaces at house shows?  No?  Me neither.
    • Just fire both these clowns.  They HAD potential.  Screw it.  We want JOE!
    • If I was on WWE creative, and a wrestler came up to me and said, “I just got this sweet air brushed singlet that combines the skull of a wolf and a tiger.” I’d immediately bury that geek. Go get in line at Disney world with the other weirdos who wear wolf shirts.  
    • When Ryback says, “Finish it!” it’s weird.  It doesn’t make sense to tell your self audibly to “finish it.” You’d more realistically just think that.
    • Technical submission is the official result.  That happened two weeks ago in the UFC too.  It means when a guy doesn’t submit and the ref stops it anyway.

    Ambrose and Reigns are back stage talking about being double champions.

    Then they cut to the announcers and do a video recap of Del Rio vs. Swagger.  Cole says that Del Rio hit Swagger with a chair because they have a chairs match coming up.  My guess is that he got that backwards.  Also, Swagger has a bowl cut.  Why in the world are we allowing this, not just here, but in all of America?  People, we need you to point out the dorks attempting to bring back the bowl cut.  It sucked in 1993 and it sucks now.  I guess it’s fine on a heel, but don’t let your friends go back to this.

    Alberto Del Rio (c) vs. Jack Swagger in a chairs match for the WWE United States Championship

    • Remember a month ago when this title was great?
    • Swagger did the “Patriot Lock” through a chair, which is the same as me doing a bear hug to someone through a hula-hoop.  Lame.
    • This match would have been awesome if not for the dorks involved. 
    • Has anyone outside of Swagger’s immediate family bought his awful shirt?  Probably the same people who bought a Ryback necklace.
    • I’ve said it before, but chairs matches suck.  Del Rio won after doing the double stomp on Swagger on a pile of chairs.  Lame.
    • Albert of the River does look amazingly tan. 

    The Wyatt Family (Bray Wyatt, Luke Harper, Erick Rowan, Braun Strowman) vs. the ECW Originals (Bubba Ray Dudley, D-Von Dudley, Tommy Dreamer, and Rhyno) in an eight-man tag team elimination tables match

    • Rhyno joined ECW in 1999, so I guess that’s when ECW started since he’s an “original.”
    • I like to think that since they’re the “Wyatt family” that each of the other guys not named Wyatt married one of Bray’s sisters so they’re all brothers-in-law.  Backstage they probably gripe about their wives being ball busters. “Bray, can you tell Sheila to relax about the baby’s crib? I’ll have it put together in time. SHE needs to pick a damn room color.” 
    • Bray was wearing a double horned headpiece, so WWE must think there is money in facial accouterments.  
    • This is the tenth tables match in WWE pay per view history, which were Cole’s words, so I guess “pay per view” isn’t on the banned term list.
    • Tommy Dreamer looks gross.  He’s orange, and round, and has a stupid beard.  
    • Strowman kicked his leg through a table, and that didn’t count as an elimination. Why not? 
    • I’d rather watch Public Enemy vs. The Nasty Boys on the WWE Network.  At least those guys didn’t try to do spots.  They just beat the heck out of each other for real and didn’t sell. 
    • So this happened:  Rowan set D-Von on a table and climbed to the top, then Rhyno pushed him off so he didn’t land on D-Von, but as D-Von was rolling out of the way, the table broke.  That makes two table breaks that just didn’t count. 
    • Rowan got eliminated first by the 3D.
    • Luke Harper booted Rhyno through the table making it 3 on 3.
    • What actual purpose would red white and black camouflage serve?  Would you wear it while hunting in a forest fire? 
    • Wyatt slammed D-Von through a table with a urinage.
    • Harper dives on to dreamer who goes through a table.  Now it’s 3 on 1.
    • Bubba Ray covers a table in lighter fluid, then just gets put through it by a choke slam from Strowman.  Big tease, no pay off. 
    • That match was a chaotic mess in a very mediocre way.   

    What a treat!  Renee tells us that we get to hear from the kick off panel of Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, and Booker T.  These bozos have nothing to say.

    Then we got a pretty weak Royal Rumble promo.  I’m sure those will get better.

    Kevin Owens (c) vs. Dean Ambrose for the Intercontinental Championship

    • Owens did some nice crowd work making fun of Boston sports fans. To be fair, they ARE the most arrogant sports fans. 
    • This was a pretty dang good match. 
    • Ambrose counters the pop up power bomb and rolls through for the pin.
    • Ambrose wins! 
    • Then Ambrose ran around like a maniac celebrating. 
    • Good match.

    Charlotte (c) (with Richard Morgan Fliehr) vs. Paige for the WWE Divas Championship

    • This is a confusing storyline.  Paige brought up Charlotte’s dead brother, and then she turned baby face.  What?
    • Flair is at ringside. This match is basically nothing.
    • Paige locks on a long sleeper. 
    • Paige locks on the Figure Four.
    • The end was Paige hitting the Ram-Paige but Flair took Charlotte’s foot and put it on the rope. This lead to Charlotte taking off the turn buckle pad, and dropping Paige’s face onto the exposed steal, which led to the pin. 

    Sheamus (c) vs. Roman Reigns in a tables, ladders, and chairs match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

    • The “heat” in this feud is from Sheamus cashing in the MITB contract after Reigns won the title last month at Survivor Series.  Oh, and then Reigns retaliated by saying that Sheamus’ testicles were the size of tater tots, in some sort of odd Burger King cross promotion.  Zing. 
    • When Sheamus was introduced, they hit him with a spotlight that completely whited him out.  Ha!
    • How many refs does it take to hang up a championship belt?  Two apparently.
    • I wonder if the height of the raised item in ladder matches is a standard? 
    • Roman tossed Sheamus into a stacked up double table and chairs set up on the side of the ramp.
    • Sheamus got cut on his left triceps. 
    • I can’t believe they allow Reigns’ running jump kick on the apron to be called the Drive By, which implies gang related murder.
    • Sheamus hit White Noise off the apron through a table.  That should have been the finish. 
    • The two took a double bump off the apron through the gimmicked ladder which was propped up by the announce table. 
    • And now we get the agonizing slow ladder climbing which makes ladder matches unbearable.
    • Reigns hit the Super Man Punch on Sheamus at the top of the ladder and Sheamus took a table bump. 
    • Reigns got royally screwed by the League of Nations running in.
    • Sheamus won after the League destroyed Reigns.  Barrett was conspicuous by his absence.  He’s apparently injured.
    • Reigns then decimated the League, and HHH came out.
    • Reigns destroyed HHH as well to get his heat back, or more correctly, just get SOME heat.  It worked, as the crowd really got behind Roman. 

    Overall Thoughts:  This was a dang good TLC PPV and possibly the best one yet.  The ladder match to start, and the TLC match at the end were very good.  Thumbs up for sure.  Final rankings of the TLC PPV’s order: 7,4,6,5,3,1,2 – And a we put TLC to rest, I’d like to remind you, “Don’t go chasing waterfalls…” 

  • WO 12/13: WWE TLC, Mauro Ranallo, UFC Brazil rating, more!

    Wrestling Observer Radio with Bryan Alvarez and Dave Meltzer returns today to talk all the news in wrestling and MMA: WWE TLC from Sunday night, the build to Raw and Royal Rumble, Mauro Ranallo to Smackdown, AJ Styles update, TNA and DA, UFC rating in Brazil will blow your mind, questions and more! A fun show as always so check it out~!

    Right click save

  • B&V 12/13: WWE TLC post-game show

    The Bryan & Vinny Show returns tonight with our WWE TLC post-game show! I rarely do this, but WARNING — this show contains salty language and is definitely NSFW. A FUN SHOW AS ALWAYS SO CHECK IT OUT~!

    Right click save

  • WWE Tables, Ladders and Chairs 2015 Preview and Predictions

    So WWE went ahead and rebooted itself shortly after Survivor Series. They sort of had to, after all, when their long term project Seth Rollins was put out of action with a serious knee injury. Out of all the situations they could have done, they went ahead and did the one that made the least amount of sense – make Sheamus, who on that very same show was treated like a total geek in a nothing match – the WWE champion, pinning new champion Roman Reigns after cashing in his Money in the Bank briefcase.

    Sheamus, now the top heel in the company (except whenever the Authority make their presence), has formed a stable consisting of him, Wade Barrett, Rusev and Alberto del Rio known as the League of Nations. Their target is Roman Reigns, who gets another title opportunity this weekend thanks to Triple H, who just gave it to him despite doing everything in his power to get the belt off Reigns. The odds are stacked against him, but he’s proven that he can win the big one, as evidenced the previous month. Will we see a new champion crowned at the final pay per view of the year, or will the Authority’s latest charge find a way to keep his title?

    Our predictors for this month’s show:

    – Bryan Rose: New Japan house show/AXS reporter

    – James Cox: WWE Superstars reporter and WWE DVD reviewer

    – Jeremy Peeples: TNA Impact Wrestling and Lucha Underground reporter

    – Steve Khan: WWE Smackdown reporter

    Chairs Match for the WWE United States Championship: Alberto del Rio (c) vs. Jack Swagger

    Bryan Rose: A main event in any arena! Or, should I say, a Main Event main event in any arena. Really, the booking is so lame here. You take Jack Swagger, who has not been on TV for months besides doing jobs on Main Event and Superstars, and now suddenly he’s number one contender just because. He has zero momentum to speak of, Alberto only has a bit more, and overall this just feels like a very lame feud that they gave zero time or effort to get over. Whether or not Zeb is involved doesn’t really matter, as with the new League of Nations gimmick he’s the odd man out, plus he and Alberto really have no chemistry to speak of. With that said, I fully expect it now to be a swerve that will allow del Rio to get the clean win. Over Jack Swagger.

    Winner: Alberto del Rio

    James Cox: It is difficult to hold out much hope for a gimmick match that has traditionally not offered up classic matches. The most intriguing thing will be how they use Zeb, though I wouldn’t be surprised if they just completely ignore that angle and move on without him at all. Swagger can never get over with this character unless they let him win, but, clearly, he’s losing here after what I would guess will be a tussle and back-and-forth between their submission moves in the finish.

    Winner: Alberto Del Rio

    Jeremy Peeples: This feud has been built up terribly on television and this match seemingly serves no purpose. Swagger is feuding with MexAmerica, which no longer exists after Raw, so why is this happening? Beyond just giving Swagger a payday, it should be a fine showcase for Alberto and perhaps they bring Swagger and Zeb together. There’s a very slim chance they give Swagger the title here to move Alberto into the WWE Title picture officially, but that seems very unlikely.

    Winner: Alberto Del Rio

    Steve Khan: I expect a lot of chairs to be used in this match. Maybe Del Rio will double foot stomp a chair into Swagger’s face. Or maybe he’ll superkick a chair into Swagger’s face. Or maybe he’ll do an armbar through a chair. Either way…

    Winner: Alberto Del Rio

    Eight Man Tag Team Elimination Tables Match: The Dudley Boyz, Tommy Dreamer and Rhyno vs. The Wyatt Family

    Bryan Rose: I guess ECW is still popular enough in 2015 that the return of Tommy Dreamer and Rhyno are going to get big reactions. Hey, that’s a testament to the power of WWE still getting over ECW 14 years after it went out of business, plus a misguided attempt to reboot it 9 years ago. I’m not sure what to expect here other than a bunch of table shots. With the Wyatts losing clean last month to the Undertaker, something tells me they’ll do just fine against Team Extreme (not to be confused with Team Xtreme).

    Winners: The Wyatt Family

    James Cox: I worry that this won’t amount to much after an initial ECW pop in Boston, but I hope that I’m wrong. In theory, you can use this to reboot The Wyatts after losing last month, but I don’t know how this company thinks anymore. You can certainly beat any of these men and I would assume they will at least protect Bray and Strowman. I really want this to be a lot of fun, on a ppv that doesn’t look that exciting as things stand.

    Winner: The Wyatt Family

    Jeremy Peeples: They haven’t been doing much with the Dudleys, although Tommy Dreamer has been shockingly over and Rhyno is a welcome sight on the main roster. With Bubba Ray being truly wasted in this ECW/Attitude Era nostalgia act, hopefully he turns heel and does his own thing. Since there is no chance of that happening, Team Extreme will just be used to put over the Wyatts and they can talk about how the Wyatts are the only team in WWE history to defeat the Dudleys at their own game. Sure, it won’t be true, but it will tell a nice story.

    Winner: The Wyatt Family

    Steve Khan: Whether or not this feud is continuing, the Wyatts should win and they probably will. Tables matches are dumb so I don’t expect much from this.

    Winner: The Wyatt Family

    Divas Title: Charlotte (c) (with Ric Flair in her corner) vs. Paige

    Bryan Rose: Does anyone care at this point? Now Charlotte’s teasing a heel turn because…I don’t know? I guess we aren’t supposed to think of the Divas as faces or heels? The only true babyface on the Divas roster at this point is Becky Lynch, who only pops up now and again. For all of this talk about a Revolution, we’re right back to square one with Divas whose one note gimmicks are that they are either heels or crazy people. Virtually nothing’s changed now and that’s probably the saddest thing about the WWE this year. Charlotte retains, I guess, but who can care at this point?

    Winner: Charlotte

    James Cox: I hope we see the completion of a double turn in this one. The muddying of the waters around who is the heel is just irritating. Flair can be either. On his own, he’s always going to get a babyface reaction, but with Charlotte I can see that they can use him in that way. But the fact that I’m writing this, after what happened last month with the Flair family name, is ridiculous. With no smoke and mirrors, they’re going to have to work hard to make a Boston crowd care much.

    Winner: Charlotte

    Jeremy Peeples: This feud has been a colossal waste of both women, but Paige’s character is more of a babyface than Charlotte’s now since she’s speaking the truth – it’s just a truth no one wants to accept. Of course, a double turn won’t do much for either of them since the commentators will just talk about how it’s okay for Charlotte to cheat because her dad did, so everything will be undercut. They had a good-ish match on the last PPV and a better one on Raw, so I expect this to have pretty good action if the match itself isn’t just a backdrop to the angle. Charlotte needs the title more than Paige, and a heel-ish win moves her cocky character forward too.

    Winner: Charlotte

    Steve Khan: Paige should really be the star of this division right now, as Charlotte has been nothing as champion, but her storyline over the last few weeks has probably bought her more time with the belt. She cheated last month by accident, so I think she cheats on purpose here to pick up the win. The match itself should be good.

    Winner: Charlotte

    Ryback vs. Rusev

    Bryan Rose: This match was added at the very last minute on Smackdown. They’ve built it up the last few weeks in a build that was, well, just a build. As for the actual match, it could go either way. This could either be a fun slugfest or a WWE-style centric match, which can produce a boring bout. Let’s hope for the latter. I say Rusev wins as he needs some heat on him following his return.

    Winner: Rusev

    Steve Khan: It seems like this show could be dominated by heels, so Ryback getting a token win wouldn’t surprise me, but they just reunited Rusev and Lana and Rusev is in the League of Nations so he should really win.

     Winner: Rusev

    Ladder Match: WWE Tag Team Championship: The New Day (c) vs. The Usos vs. The Lucha Dragons

    Bryan Rose: I think this’ll be a stunt show, but a good one. All three tag teams are probably going to go all out here, with lots of ladder shots in between. Not the best built program leading to this, but not many matches on the show were anyway. I see the New Day winning here because there really aren’t any tag teams that are over enough for them to drop the titles so.

     Winner: The New Day

    James Cox: This is a classic case of being booked into a corner by creating gimmick ppvs in advance. There’s no reason to have three teams in this match. But, I’d call this to be the match of the night, provided it isn’t just a spot-fest. Kofi, Kalisto and The Usos are all capable of doing something special here. The New Day have become bloated versions of themselves in the last few weeks, but it makes zero sense for them to lose the titles, other than just for the sake of playing hot potato with the belts.

     Winner: The New Day

    Steve Khan: This obviously has potential to be match of the night and hopefully it’s given time to produce. I would actually put the titles on the Usos. WWE is in love with New Day but too many babyface acts are coming up short lately, and that could continue on this show if Ambrose and Reigns both lose. New Day can come out of this feud as champions eventually, and they’ll probably win here despite what I Just said, but I’ll go out on a limb (?) and take the Usos.

     Winner: The Usos

    Intercontinental Championship: Kevin Owens (c) vs. Dean Ambrose

    Bryan Rose: This should be a good match if given time. I can’t say there’s a whole lot of interest here because the way it was built, which included Dean Ambrose throwing soda and popcorn at his opponent, and Owens using the walkout finish on nearly every match he’s been in leading up to this one. But again, if they are given enough time, they can go out there and steal the show. As for who wins, it could go either way, but I see Owens retaining here in some sort of finish that allows a rematch for next month.

     Winner: Kevin Owens

    James Cox: With all the bells and whistles that this show has, I feel like time could be an issue here. If they give them 15mins, they can have a great match. Less than 12 and I struggle to see this being much better than just OK. Owens is a great heel and Ambrose a great babyface, but only if the company want them to be and are prepared to invest time in them. With one eye on WrestleMania now, you’d have to think that if Ambrose wins, Owens becomes a potential for the Rumble or a high spot on the WrestleMania card. But in theory, with this weakened roster, so should Ambrose.

    Winner: Kevin Owens

    Jeremy Peeples: This match really hasn’t had much of a build to it, and Raw’s popcorn and soda usage didn’t exactly set fire to the feud. Dean Ambrose has no momentum, while Owens at least has some – so he seems like a lock to win – especially if they decide to throw him in as one of the many champions in the League of Nations. Doing so would keep this feud alive and make a Dean win in the future mean more since it showed Roman’s group could take something from Sheamus’s.

     Winner: Kevin Owens

    Steve Khan: It occurred to me that this company may not want to put a title on Dean Ambrose as long as Roman Reigns is without one himself. Imagine the Usos and/or Ambrose walking out with Reigns and they have belts but he doesn’t? That puts the odds against Ambrose and the Usos on this show. Watching the babyfaces constantly come up short is getting tiresome, so that’s probably what we’ll see. The match itself should be good.

    Winner: Kevin Owens

    TLC Match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship: Sheamus (c) vs. Roman Reigns

    Bryan Rose: So they went ahead and did the worst possible finish they could have done at Survivor Series by making Sheamus the WWE champion again. Booking and ratings aside, Sheamus has never felt like a main event talent, and that is what causes me to have little to no interest in this match. They’ll work hard and probably have a good match. But I’m jaded enough on WWE’s product to know there will probably be a screwy finish here that leaves Roman Reign a loser for the upteenth time this year, leading to a Royal Rumble scenario that probably sees him winning the title shot again. To say this isn’t interesting television right now is an understatement. But hey, Roman Reigns has a few people cheering for him now, so I guess it all paid off, right?

    Winner: Sheamus

    James Cox: A TLC match is just the kind of match that Sheamus does well in when in the main event picture: long brawls where he ultimately stands tall, drenched in sweat. There’s so much that they can do here with the two factions that they have created around each of them, that maybe this will become just a series of run-ins. I hope not. This needs to kick start this programme and, ideally, we should know by the end of it what our Royal Rumble main event is. But Reigns losing again? That feels like one too many. In a TLC match I guess you can still keep him looking strong despite the defeat. And let’s not forget that, for whatever reason, this company likes Sheamus.

    Winner: Sheamus

    Jeremy Peeples: Sheamus is dangerous enough in a regular match, but adding at least three implements of destruction (or toys as JBL could call them) adds even more risk to Roman. With so many people out with injury, I wouldn’t put Roman in this match against Sheamus, but it’s booked and Sheamus needs to look strong. The problem is that Roman needs to as well and really can’t be losing so many title matches. With that said, Sheamus needs the win and has an entire stable to ensure a victory, so he is the likely victor and then Roman will have to overcome the entire League of Nations to get a rematch or something along those lines.

    Winner: Sheamus

    Steve Khan: The finish of the match is important (or at least the follow-up) because it potentially sets up the title picture through WrestleMania, which probably has a lot of moving parts at the moment. Reigns winning here seems unlikely. If he gets a rematch at the Rumble, he can win that and go into WrestleMania as champion. But if he loses and the Authority refuses to give him another rematch, then Reigns goes into the Rumble and probably wins that. That leaves a hole for Sheamus to be filled at the Rumble. Maybe they’ll throw Brock Lesnar or Undertaker or John Cena in there to set up a match with Reigns, but for now it doesn’t really matter.

    Winner: Sheamus

  • WWE TLC PPV 2014 retrospective: Ambrose vs. Wyatt, Cena vs. Rollins

    Tables, Ladders, and Chairs, and STAIRS… Oh My!  Part 6

    By: PeachMachine (@hendosfoodblog)

    This week…

    TLC 6: December 15, 2014; Cleveland, Ohio, Quicken Loans Arena

    (39,000 PPV Buys, lowest number since the network)

    An excellent video package opens the PPV comparing the TLC show to a demolition derby.  It was pretty rad.

    Pre Show Match: The New Day (Big E and Kofi Kingston) (with Xavier Woods) defeated Gold and Star Dust.

    JBL, Cole, and King on the cans.

    Dolph Ziggler vs. Luke Harper (c) in a Ladder Match for the Intercontinental Championship

    • In TLC 4, Dolph was in the main event against Cena.  In TLC 5 he was in the pre show match jobbing to Fandango, and tonight he’s in the opener for the Kiss of Death belt.
    • Something like 20 ladders had been set up at one point.
    • Harper had about 90 seconds alone in the ring and just sort of didn’t do anything.  I feel like I personally could put up a ladder and climb it and grab the title in no more than 15 seconds. 
    • Luke pushed Dolph off the ladder twice.
    • Dolph took a Power Bomb on a ladder suspended on the second rope.
    • Dolph countered the Power Bomb and gave Harper a face buster on a ladder.
    • Harper has a gash on his arm.
    • Ziggs tosses a ladder into Harper’s face who then took a bump across another ladder set up off the apron to the announce desk.
    • “This is awesome chants,” and I agree. 
    • Dolph super kicks Harper off the ladder and wins the belt.

    The Usos (Jimmy and Jey) vs. The Miz and Damien Mizdow (c) in a Tag Team match for the WWE Tag Team Championship

    • Has anyone made more out less than The Miz?  He was a reality TV dork.  Then a reality TV star.  Then a pretend reality wrestler.   He’s been WWE Champ, Headlined WrestleMania, Made a bunch of movies.  Made millions of dollars, and is married to Maryse. Unbelievable!
    • Everyone wants Mizdow to tag in.  How can they possibly get any heat?
    • Double Rikishi ass spots by Jimmy Uso.
    • An interesting parade of finishers leading to Jimmy Uso hooking up a Tequila Sunrise.
    • Miz and Mizdow grab their belts and leave, and in doing so, Miz lays out one of the Usos for the DQ.  So the Usos win by DQ, but no title change.

    Mr. Money in the Bank Seth Rollins (with J and J Security (Joey Mercury and Jamie Noble)) talks about Sting, and then how he’s going to make John Cena pay tonight.  This is the storyline where Cena has the ability to bring back The Authority.

    We’re getting an anatomy cut away view of the Steel Stairs.  They weigh 288, and can withstand an impact of 22,000 lb.

    Big Show vs. Erick Rowan in a Stairs match

    • A loss for Rowan could really hurt his wine sales this season. 
    • This was a bad idea on paper, and an even worse idea in execution.
    • Big Show Speared Rowan through a stack of chairs.
    • Big Show Choke-Slammed him on the stairs and then gave him the Knock Out Punch, and then pinned him with the stairs. 
    • Mediocre at best.

    We get an awesome video package explaining the stips of the next match, which are if Cena loses; he also loses his number one contendership to the WWE Championship. 

    John Cena vs. Mr. Money in the Bank Seth Rollins with (J and J Security (Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury)) in a Tables match

    • Paul Heyman came to the announce booth, but is just standing near it.
    • J and J jump in and just start putting the boots to Cena.  It turns out no DQ applies to others entering the ring as well.
    • Cena goes and gets a piece of guardrail and lays out the baddies. 
    • Noble takes the Suplex from Cena on the guardrail.
    • Seth sets up two tables on the outside.
    • Now Cena tosses in some more tables. 
    • Rollins brings in the MITB case and starts whacking Johnny.
    • Ref bump and it gets crazy leading to Cena giving Seth the AA off the top through table.
    • J and J run in and clean the crime scene and pay for it with a Double AA.
    • Cena and Seth fall through a table together and Chiota comes back just in time to see it.  They take a long time to debate the results.  Chiota restarts the match.  Let’s start the 90 second clock… The announce table did NOT break but it was supposed to and that was like at 45 seconds.
    • Cena tosses another table in the ring.  It is all improv at this point.
    • Out comes Big Show and he starts punching Cena and sets up a Choke Slam, just as Roman Reigns’ music hits.  Reigns gets in and delivers a Spear to Big Show through a table.  Cena jumps in and hits an AA on Rollins for the win. 
    • Heyman and Cena make goo goo eyes at each other.

    Nikki Bella (c) (with Brie Bella) vs. AJ Lee for the Divas Championship

    • This is pre revolution, so it’s pretty boring. That’s sarcasm.
    • Nikki did a surfboard with AJ’s spine around the post.
    • A nice tornado DDT by AJ. 
    • AJ hits a pop up bulldog for a two count, and follows it up with the Shining Wizard, but Brie saves Nikki by putting her foot on the rope.  Then Brie gets booted for interfering.
    • Nikki sprayed something in AJ’s face then hits the Rack Attack for the win.  They actually send a fake doctor down to check on AJ’s eyesight, because like I said, doctors don’t mess around with life, limb, or eyesight. 

    Roman Reigns cuts a promo about doing something awesome at the Royal Rumble.  Did that ever happen? 

    Ryback vs. Corporate Kane in a Chairs match

    • Ryback’s outfit makes him look like a guy grilling meat.
    • Kane is in control and drops Ryback’s face on a chair. 
    • This match is garbage.  Just really rough spots and nothing going on. 
    • Kane gave a seated Ryback the Big Boot.
    • Ryback with a step out spining belly to belly, a la the great Scott Steiner.
    • Kane throws 15 chairs in the ring. 
    • Kane took half a Spine Buster through half a chair, and then Ryback started whipping him with chairs. 
    • Kane throws a fastball with a chair right at Ryback’s face then hits him with the Chokeslam, but Ryback kicked out.
    • Ryback wins with the Shell Shock

    Rusev (c) (with Lana) vs. Jack Swagger

    • Rusev hooked on the Accolade, right in the middle.  The ref checks Swagger to see if he’s conscious.  A lot of times I type conscience when I mean conscious.  Swagger makes a crazy comeback and grabs the Ankle Lock. 
    • Rusev fights it off and hooks on the Accolade again, and the ref calls for the bell.

    Dean Ambrose vs. Bray Wyatt in a Tables, Ladders, and Chairs Match with nothing on the line, so it’s basically a weapons match

    • Ambrose section shown in the crowd.
    • It’s just bad booking to not give them a reason to climb for something even if it’s just a box that contains Scott Hall’s 8×10.
    • Ambrose starts it off with a ladder launch at Bray.  Immediately they start crowd brawling. 
    • Ambrose in control after tossing in Kendo sticks. 
    • Bray comes back with a big punch that knocks Dean off the corner through a table.
    • Wyatt rams Dean’s eye into the point of the kendo stick.
    • Just a lot of wild brawling and some junk spots.  It’s a watered down hardcore match.
    • They did one of the weakest table spots ever, where Dean dropped an elbow on Wyatt on a table, from the 3rd rung of a ladder.
    • Well, now he’s making up for it by doing it again from farther away on a higher ladder.  Is it farther or further?
    • Dean goes and gets a twenty-foot ladder and lays Bray on the Spanish Announce team’s desk.  He hits a third elbow from really high up. 
    • This got weird.  Ambrose had uncovered a TV from under the ring that was plugged in and showing the PPV for some reason.  He tried to use the TV on Wyatt but the chord got caught, so he yanked at it and as he yanked, it exploded, like an electrical burst or fuse blowing.  This gave Bray the opportunity to hit Sister Abigail on Dean for the pin.
    • Yes, a pin ended a TLC match.

    In summary, this was a good show but not the best of the TLC’s.  It was near the top.  My TLC picks would go in this order 4, 5, 6, 3, 1, 2.  Let’s hope this Sunday we get something that tops the first 6.  The bar is set fairly low, but with the current match line-up, it doesn’t look good.  However, I will still be reviewing this year’s offering.  

  • WWE TLC 5 – Cena vs. Orton: World and WWE Heavyweight Unification Match

    Tables, Ladders, and Chairs… Oh My!  Part 5

    By: PeachMachine (@hendosfoodblog)

    This week…

    TLC 5: December 15, 2013; Houston, Texas, Toyota Center

    WWE Champion, Randy Orton, competes against the World Heavyweight Champion, John Cena, in a TLC match to crown a Champion of Champions.

    The show starts with a cold open where HHH and Steph come out to make an announcement and they tell us how important this unification match is to history.  Right.  Hunter gives us a Lou Thesz vs. Buddy Rogers history lesson.  This leads to a nice video package.  WWE should just make video packages.  Even when the product is terrible (read: now) they can produce the heck out of a package that will get you interested.

    Cole, JBL, and King are on the pipes tonight as usual.

    Pre Show Match:  Fandango (with Summer Rae) defeated Dolph Ziggler in a singles match. 

    • Remember last year when Dolph was in the main event? 

    CM Punk vs. The Shield (Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, and Roman Reigns in a 3-on-1 handicap match

    • I have no memory of how or why this was booked.  It seems preposterous.
    • Punk is sporting the mutton chop look.
    • For a group that touted justice, The Shield sure seems willing to cheat.
    • Seth is wearing a vest he must have gotten from John Popper from Blues Traveler, as it appears to be able to hold a dozen harmonicas.
    • Reigns dove at Punk and tumbled over the announce desk.  He apparently hurt his eye, which is how Punk was able to take advantage.  The doctor checked on this, but it’s definitely an angle because every doctor knows that if it’s a matter of life, limb, or eyesight, you go to the ER right away. 
    • Reigns, suffering from impaired vision, speared Ambrose, and Punk hits the GTS on Ambrose for the pin.  The doctor must feel like a real jerk.
    • What if Punk wins his first UFC match via head and arm choke, i.e. the Anaconda Vice?  That would be sweet.  Luckily, I know the counter.
    • Ridiculous match concept, but it was good.

    AJ Lee (with Tamina) is interviewed and AJ calls the Divas division, Natalya, the Slammy Awards, and the whole WWE a joke.  Duh. 

    AJ Lee (c) (with Tamina) vs. Natalya for the WWE Divas Championship

    • This is mid AJ Lee super long title run, so I’m assuming she goes over.  Spoiler alert.
    • So is the Tamina character out of the closet?  I’m predicting that happens eventually.
    • Natalya hooks on the Sharpshooter, but AJ counters out.
    • AJ hooks up the Black Widow, but Natalya counters out.
    • AJ rolls up Natalya from another Sharpshooter attempt, and apparently grabbed the hair for the pin.
    • Good match, but nothing special. 

    We get another excellent video package showing some awesome champions.  The problem is that both Cena and Orton have been champions, many times.  Nobody is buying the validity of the unification. 

    Damien Sandow vs. Big E. Langston (c) for the Intercontinental Championship

    • Big E is doing the chalk hands gimmick.  I’d like to see more stuff with him being really strong.  It would be great if he were bench-pressing Xavier in a skit. 
    • Sandow takes a nice Electric Chair drop by Big E.  He should do that on Big Show.
    • Big E takes down the straps and hits the Big Ending for the pin.
    • A funny spot would be for a heel to take down his straps and then his trunks fall down.

    Vince McMahon Jr. walks up to Orton backstage.  The sound didn’t work.  The only thing of note is that Orton was wearing basketball shorts.  So it’s true; he does own leg coverings other than trunks. 

    Next we hear from the panel of Josh Matthews, Mick Foley, and Booker T, and they discuss what happened earlier in the night with Miz talking trash on Kofi. 

    Fatal Four Way for the Tag Team Championship:  The Real Americans (Cesaro and Swagger with Zeb Colter) vs. Rey Mysterio and Big Show vs. Rybaxel (Ryback and Curtis Axel) vs. Goldust and Cody Rhodes (c); elimination rules

    • Last team left wins the Jabroni cup.
    • Rey was gone for a year prior to this, and I guess “creative” didn’t have enough time to come up with something better for him.
    • Gold Dust rolls up Ryback for the first elimination. 
    • Cesaro hit the Gant Swing.
    • Gold Dust hit the Code Red.  What?
    • Cody hurt his knee, which put him out temporarily.
    • Big Show gives Cesaro the KO punch as Cesaro came off the second rope, then pinned him.
    • The action really picked up into quite a fun match.  Then came a nice finishing sequence where Cody hit the Cross Rhodes on Rey for the pin. 
    • Then Big Show and Rey display good sportsmanship.  Boooooo!

    The Jabroni posse gets some airtime as Titus O’Neal and Darren Young break out the Brawling Buddies for an embarrassing segment that ended with Kane walking in and scaring Vicki and Brad Maddox.  It was even dumber than it sounds.

    Brodus Clay (with the Funkadactyls and Tensai) vs. R Truth (with Xavier Woods) in a Time Fillers match

    • This was a nothing match. 
    • Why don’t they trust Xavier to wrestle?
    • Tensai and Clay get into it for some reason.  Then Tensai walks out.  Then the Dactyls peace out too for no reason.  I guess because they were about to be famous and didn’t want to be associated with such a bad idea. 
    • R Truth hits the standard WWE school-boy distraction finish.

    Miz vs. Kofi Kingston

    • Kofi kicked the steal post.  What about your kick pads bro? 
    • Have I ever mentioned I hate kickpads?  Why would you want to make your kicks less effective?  You only wear those when you’re practicing! 
    • We are really seeing the lack of start power tonight.  Nobody is over.  The crowd long since gave up. 
    • The Miz has a sweet butt-cut.  This match is worth sitting through just for that.  His head looks like a 1-up mushroom.
    • Boring chant.
    • Kofi wins with the Trouble in Paradise.

    Then they showed an AWESOME video package for the Raw 20th anniversary DVD, and in doing so completely exposed how awful the current product is with tons of awesome clips.

    Daniel Bryan vs. The Wyatts (Bray Wyatt, Erick Rowan, and Luke Harper) in ANOTHER 3-on-1 handicapped match.

    • Only one of them is named Wyatt.  Rowan and Harper should stand up for themselves.
    • Someone should tell Bray that he’s wearing a fedora.  What a gimmick.  I bet he thought of it too.  “Hey creative team, I should do a gimmick wear I sit in a rocking chair instead of wrestling.”
    • JBL suggests that Bryan just join them.  Would that just end the match?  Just pull a total schoolyard job, “Nuh-uh I was on base!”  “Don’t beat me up I’m on your team.”
    • Bray finally tags in to work on a worn out Bryan. 
    • Harper’s log roll, or gator roll, move is so dumb.  The purpose of that move is solely to pin the man, not make him dizzy.  He’s faking a real wrestling hold.  I know, but it bothers me.
    • Bray offers a handshake and says it will all go away, so I guess that answers my question.
    • D Bry had a great comeback, but Bray caught him with the Sister Abigail for the pin, to end a really entertaining match. 

    Supposedly this is the first time these two titles have been competed for in the same match, but I’m pretty sure I remember that occurring as recently as 2002 and probably more recent than that.  Oh well.  At least we didn’t have a Chairs match tonight.  Then they show another excellent video package, begging you to care about the same guys who have been on top for nearly a decade.

    John Cena (c) vs. Randy Orton (c) for the Unified WWE World Heavyweight Championship (but still two belts)

    • This is the 15th TLC match and Randy Orton’s first.
    • “CUCK FENA” sign.  Ha!  I popped.
    • Early garbage leads to both guys on the floor.
    • Orton lays out Cena and goes to set up a ladder. 
    • Orton body watch:  Much improved from last time we saw him which was 2011.
    • RKO out of nowhere! 
    • Cena goes nuts with the steal steps and Orton is busted open. 
    • A missed punt was countered with an AA through the Spanish announce team.  Now Cena climbs and then Orton dumps him but Cena hangs on to the belts!
    • Randy handcuffed Cena to the bottom rope, but Cena uncoupled the turnbuckle and made a valiant effort to win, but it was too late.  Orton wins after yanking Cena off the ladder.
    • Pretty good match!

    Then HHH, Steph, and Vince all come down to celebrate. 

    Thumbs in the Middle.  So now my TLC PPV rankings go from best to worst: 4,5,3,1,2.  

  • WWE Smackdown results (11/26): I.C. Title Number One Contender’s Triple Threat

    – Air Date: November 26, 2015 
    – Location: Bankers Life Fieldhouse in Indianapolis, IN

    The Big News:

    Dean Ambrose became number one contender for Kevin Owens’ Intercontinental Title after defeating Tyler Breeze and Dolph Ziggler. They also set up the Dudleys vs. Wyatts for a tables match and Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger for a chairs match. 

    Show Recap: 

    Former WWE Champion Roman Reigns came out to start the show as they recapped the story from Survivor Series and Raw. Reigns entered the ring which had tables and ladders and chairs set up inside already, so I guess he cleared this talking segment with the Authority. 

    Reigns said he and the Usos used to wrestle all over the house until they were banned from doing so after one Uso broke a coffee table with the other Uso. Reigns said they wrestled all over the yard and dreamt about becoming WWE Champion, but it always felt like just a dream – until Survivor Series when he won the title. The dream got shattered when Sheamus crushed his face (that’s the phrase he used) with a Brogue kick. 

    Sheamus came out. (They did another bad edit here, like a few weeks ago, where you could hear Sheamus’ entrance start, but on camera the lights didn’t change, and there was no reaction from the crowd or Reigns.) Sheamus told Reigns to get over it because he’s a walking, talking Adele song. He said Reigns has been talking about being champion longer than he actually was champion. 

    Sheamus made bad jokes about how short Roman’s title reign was and said the title looks better on him anyway. He put over Reigns’ effort in the tournament but Reigns’ moment became Sheamus’ moment, and yelled about how great it felt to become champion. Reigns challenged Sheamus to come to the ring so he could show him what he can really do in under five minutes. 

    Sheamus acted like he would go to the ring, but he didn’t. He’s the champion and all Reigns has is broken dreams. Reigns said he would break Sheamus’ jaw with a superman punch, break his back with a chair, powerbomb him through a table, climb the ladder and become champion. This wasn’t good. Sheamus in particular came off like a clown. 

    The Dudley Boyz beat Braun Strowman & Erick Rowan (w/Bray Wyatt & Luke Harper) via DQ

    In an inset promo, Bubba said the Wyatts would “taste some Dudley wood.” Tons of piped in booing during the Wyatts’ entrance. An early highlight in the match was Rowan screaming in D-Von’s face and D-Von just smacked him. Wyatts got the heat on Bubba with help from Harper who superkicked his arm with the referee distracted. 

    D-Von made the hot tag and took out Rowan. It seemed like the Dudleys had the match won but they dumbly went for tables instead. They set one up in the ring but Harper superkicked Bubba for the DQ. Strowman took out D-Von was his standing choke and they put Bubba through the table. Strowman was noticeably bad in this match. 

    Paige beat Becky Lynch via pinfall 

    They showed Charlotte watching the match on TV backstage. Her entire body was facing the camera with her face turned to the TV. They always do this but it looked even dumber than usual here. Becky made her comeback which included an Exploder suplex. She went for the Disarmer but Paige bounced her off the ropes and rolled her up for the pinfall win. 

    Paige tried to get her feet on the rope for leverage but she was too far away. I’m not sure if that was a screw up or not, but Becky basically lost clean. Lawler made sure to mention that Paige tried to use the rope. Match was fine but the crowd didn’t care. 

    Backstage, Big E, Kofi Kingston, Naomi, Sasha Banks and Tamina were at the “1st Annual New Day Potluck Dinner.” Better trademark that one. Big E said he was thankful for tricep meat. Kofi was thankful for the tag-team titles and Big E chanted “Thanks to us” to the tune of “New Day rocks.” Naomi and Sasha danced along. 

    Heath Slater joined and brought some Slater Slaw. Big E noticed a bandaid in his dish. They freaked out and pushed Slater aside. Adam Rose gave them rabbit stew and left. Big E freaked again, thinking it was made of The Bunny, and Kofi yelled “We don’t want this!” (That was the highlight of the segment.)

    Ascension showed up but they didn’t have any food so they got kicked out. Big E and Kofi said Xavier Woods would be bringing the turkey. The Gobbledy Gooker showed up. It was Woods. They chanted “turkey tail” as Woods shook his tail back and forth. 

    Non-Title: Jack Swagger beat US Champion Alberto Del Rio (w/Zeb Colter) via DQ

    Colter called Swagger ungrateful and said he has blind American loyalty. Del Rio said Swagger would be thankful that he let him walk out of the ring after their match. Lame promo. 

    With the match barely under way, Swagger clotheslined Del Rio over the barricade into the timekeeper’s area. He began walking toward Zeb, allowing Del Rio to hit him from behind with a chair for the DQ. Del Rio hit him one more time with the chair and tossed him in the ring. 

    Swagger came back and attacked Del Rio with the chair, getting him about four times in the back. Del Rio ran away, selling his back. This was obviously just an angle to set up a chairs match at TLC. I didn’t really like how little of an effect the chair shots had on both guys. Swagger was fine after getting hit twice and Del Rio walked away on his own and posed with the title on the stage. 

    Backstage, the Usos said they didn’t want to know what “Slater slaw” was. Woods in his Gobbledy Gooker outfit ran by them. The Usos had an idea. 

    Non-Title: Lucha Dragons beat WWE Tag-Team Champions Kofi Kingston & Big E (w/Gobbledy Gooker) via pinfall

    They showed the debut of Gobbledy Gooker in 1990. Lawler made sure to remind everyone that this sucked. Kingston seemed to have the match won on a pinfall attempt with his feet on the rope, but the Gobbledy Gooker pushed him off. Kingston yelled at him and the distraction allowed Kalisto to hit Salida Del Sol for the win. 

    After the match, Kingston and Big E continued to yell at Gobbledy Gooker, who remained outside the ring. An Uso came out on stage blowing an airhorn to the tune of “New Day sucks” and Xavier Woods was with him – in his boxers, hands and legs tied up, and mouth taped shut. Woods tried to say something, so Uso ripped off the duct tape and blew the air horn in his face. This caused Woods to fall and roll down the ramp. 

    They cut to the Gobbledy Gooker outside the ring and the commentators tried to act like they didn’t know who it could be. It was the other Uso. The four babyfaces took out the New Day, concluding with an Uso superkicking a helpless Woods and the other Uso finishing him off with a splash. Lawler was happy to see the Gobbledy Gooker finally get over. 

    They aired a video package for the Undertaker. 

    Backstage, Renee Young asked Dean Ambrose about his luck potentially changing tonight. Ambrose said he pinned Kevin Owens at Survivor Series and that wasn’t luck. Reigns pinned him and that wasn’t luck either – Reigns was the better man on that night. He said Sheamus cashing in wasn’t luck, it was right place, right time. Luck was winning the lottery, and Ambrose said he never won a buck off a scratch card. Ambrose intimated that if he were a betting man, he would bet on himself over Ziggler and Fuzzy Boots McGee. 

    I.C. Title #1 Contender’s Triple Threat Match: Dean Ambrose beat Tyler Breeze (w/Summer Rae) & Dolph Ziggler via pinfall 

    Kevin Owens came out for commentary and faked out a young fan who wanted a high five. Lawler told Owens that Breeze was suing People magazine for naming David Beckham as sexiest man alive. Owens said he almost fell asleep as Lawler said that because he couldn’t care less. As they plugged Raw in Pittsburgh, Ambrose tossed his hoodie at Owens and Owens responded, “I guess he thought he was insulting me, but I’m keeping it, so joke’s on him.” 

    Booker asked Owens who he matches up with best. Owens said he and Ambrose are both brawlers, he and Breeze are both gorgeous, but he has nothing in common with Ziggler and is proud of that. 

    Ambrose hit a rebound clothesline on Ziggler and Breeze tried to steal the pin, but Ziggler kicked out. Ambrose followed with a flying elbow on Breeze for a two count. Ziggler and Ambrose did the double running crossbody spot but they sandwiched Breeze who was caught in the middle. That was cool. 

    Breeze superkicked Ambrose and Ziggler superkicked Breeze for a near fall. Ziggler caught Ambrose with a Zig Zag but Breeze broke up the cover. Breeze hit Ziggler with the Beauty Shot and went for the Unprettier but Ambrose nailed him with Dirty Deeds for the win. Owens seemed displeased. Good match, and Owens was great on commentary. 

    After the match, Ambrose went out to face off with Owens. Ambrose pushed Owens back into his chair. Owens popped up like he was ready to fight but just walked away. 

    Final Thoughts: 

    Really lame show until the main event. 

  • A look at WWE TLC 2012: Dolph Ziggler vs. John Cena for the MITB contract

    This week…

    TLC 4: December 16, 2012, Brooklyn, New York, Barclays Center

    This was the first WWE show ever at the Barclays Center. Cole, Lawler and JBL on the sticks. 

    – Dark Match:  JTG defeated David Otunga in a singles match

    – Pre-show Match: Naomi won the Santa’s Little Helper battle royal to determine the number one contender to the WWE Divas Championship, by eliminating Kaitlyn last

    Main:

    – Sin Cara and Rey Mysterio vs. Rhodes Scholars (Cody Rhodes and Damian Sandow) in a tables match to become the number one contenders to the tag team championship

    • How did they drop the ball on this team?  I love the Rhodes Scholars!
    • Only one member of the team has to go through the table.
    • King made a joke about manila envelopes that legit got Cole to crack.
    • Sandow has to be on that post Wrestlemania clearinghouse list with Alex Riley.
    • Fun match with some nice flying spots and a pretty sick bump for the finish.
    • Cody shoved Sin Cara off the top rope and it launched him through the table outside the ring.
    • Then Sandow did a cartwheel.  Why did they break up?  Why are we being punished with Stardust?

    – Antonio Cesaro (c) vs. R Truth for the WWE U.S. Championship

    • Cesaro’s old music was terrible.
    • I’ve heard that R Truth is Vince’s favorite wrestler.  How?
    • I’m glad Cesaro stopped wearing the weird leg wraps.
    • Cole with some accusations that JBL hides money in Swiss banks.  Then JBL corrected him and said his money was actually hidden in the Cayman Islands.  IRS, are you listening? 
    • Cesaro apparently has a real broken hand during this match. 
    • Is Little Jimmy still around? 
    • Cesaro wins with the Neutralizer.
    • Stryker then got in the ring and asked Cesaro what he thought about the crowd booing him?  Cesaro said he was the greatest U.S. Champion, which he may have been, until this last John Cena U.S. Championship Open run.

    Ugh, then we got a bunch of “Touts.”  Remember those awful things?  WWE kills everything it touches. 

    Josh Matthews interviews Dolph Ziggler about illegality, then Dolph says he will be the biggest star in 2013, and he will end John Cena’s career.

    Then the Miz is introduced and comes to the ring for a Miz TV segment.  I love all WWE in ring TV shows.  It’s hilarious to me that they put seats and couches in the ring on a red carpet.  I now hate this show, as he brought out Three Man Band.  I change my mind.  I love it again.  3MB claims they are better than Jay Z.  I’d agree.  Miz’s zingers must have been written by 6th graders.  Then 3MB does a rather racist angle by calling out the Spanish announce team and running them down for not speaking English.  Ricardo comes to the rescue but starts to get bullied, until Del Rio makes the save.  Finally, Miz and Del Rio clean house to save the Mexicans.  So it’s going to be Miz and Del Rio and a partner of their choice to take on 3MB later. 

    Now we see Kane and Daniel Bryan backstage as Team Hell No.  Short hair and medium beard Bryan seems so odd now.  They get hyped to take on The Shield later.

    Now Stryker interviews Wade Barrett.  I guess we’d seen too much wrestling in a row and needed five talking segments.

    Wade Barrett vs. Kofi Kingston (c) for the Intercontinental Championship, a.k.a. The Kiss of Death Championship

    • Wade is on a winning streak coming into this match.  Must have been nice.
    • Remember when the IC title made you the number one contender to the World title?  Which makes Kevin Owens next in line.  I’m fine with that.
    • Kofi beat Wade after an average match and a Trouble in Paradise kick.

    We now see CM Punk in a skybox with Paul Heyman.  Punk is on crutches.  He’s giving us a status update on his knee.  He’s wearing his Knees 2 Faces shirt, as he runs down Brooklyn and calls them dumb.  Hey now, words hurt too.  He then runs down Ryback, and reminds us that he is a fan of The Shield but not involved with them and that he’s the longest reigning WWE champion of the modern era.  Day 392.

    Ryback and Team Hell No (Kane and Daniel Bryan) vs. The Shield (Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns, and Seth Rollins) in the first ever six-man TLC tag match

    • Since no belts are hanging, this is basically just a weapons match. 
    • Poor Reigns is still having to do that dumb crowd entrance.
    • It starts in a big brawl. 
    • A lot of mainly ladder smashing spots.  Why would you ever climb in this match?  But… I’ll bet that happens anyway.
    • Ryback was going for a double shell shock.  I hope he gets it later.  Now it’s isolation on Ryback.
    • Reigns screams at the Spanish announce team.  Poor fellas.  Their table is about to get broken.  Triple power bomb by The Shield on Ryback through the table. 
    • The Shield is laying waste to all three guys with some interesting table stuff.
    • Ambrose took a choke slam through a chair, which looked like it sucked.
    • Reigns speared Kane through the barricade.  The timekeeper looked terrified. 
    • WWE rule number 2:  Don’t go for a belly to back suplex on Daniel Bryan.  He will back flip out of it. 
    • “This is Awesome,” chants for a match with Ryback, after, of course, the “Goldberg” chants.
    • I think Tim Kennedy could beat Ryback. 
    • This match is still going on.  The Shield is beating Ryback with chairs out on the ramp. 
    • Yep, Seth is climbing a ladder!  Ryback is climbing after him.  Ryback tossed him off the ladder through the double table stack.
    • Daniel Bryan was pinned by Reigns after a power bomb off the top turnbuckle through a table.
    • Fun match!

    Eve Torres vs. Naomi in a singles match for the WWE Divas Championship

    • Eve won with the neck breaker.  Then her husband told Ronda Rousey she was doing great after round one.  Great career advice.

    Big Show (c) vs. Sheamus for the World Championship in a chairs match

    • I really hope they cancel the chairs match this year. 
    • Chair shots are legal, but we’re supposed to believe that neither man has the desire to hit his hated rival in the head with one. 
    • Big Show Choke Slammed Seamus, but Seamus kicked out so Big Show went out and threw in 10 more chairs, because that will help.
    • Seamus hit White Noise on to some chairs, but Show kicked out.
    • Knock Out Punch by Show, and Seamus kicked out.  Big Show’s finish is a punch.  A punch!  Why doesn’t he win every match?
    • Big Show pulls out a monster-sized folding chair!  What?  Hilarious!  He hit Sheamus with the really large folding chair for the pin.  Why would that be under the ring?  Why would it exist?

    John Cena is backstage throwing air punches and AJ Lee walks up in a Cena shirt, which she cut to look girly.  Cena told her he was going to beat Dolph. 

    Three Man Band vs. Miz, Alberto Del Rio (with Ricardo Rodriguez), and the Brooklyn Brawler

    • The air guitar playing by 3MB pales in comparison to the air guitar played by the New Day.
    • Del Rio rolls out in his Lamborghini.  The person in the room watching with me just proclaimed, “This is really stupid.” 
    • Then the Brooklyn Brawler came out.  He was wearing a number 8, Deron Williams, Brooklyn Nets NBA Jersey. 
    • Heat on Brawler as the announcers just name old wrestlers with dumb gimmicks.
    • Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale on Jinder Mahal then Brawler put him in the Brooklyn crab for the submission win.

    John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler in a ladder match for the Money in the Bank contract

    • Dolph was putting a sleeper on Cena and Cena still climbed the ladder until Cena fell and put both of them through a table.
    • WWE rule 3:  Tables are allowed in ladder matches.  But not chairs.  We mean it.
    • Cena lifted a ladder with Ziggler on it, onto his shoulders.  Really cool spot.
    • JBL is vehemently opposed to this match, as it’s unfair to Dolph, somehow. 
    • Zig Zag on Cena.
    • Cena was busted hard way. 
    • Dolph must have gotten my memo on ladder climbing speed.  Cena did not.
    • JBL spouts out some stats about Ziggler’s amateur wrestling credentials, and Cole said that those don’t matter.  Noted.
    • Wait, chairs are legal after all.  So WWE Rule 4 is now: All ladder matches are TLC matches.
    • Vicki runs down and gets a chair to hit Cena, but AJ runs in and makes the save.  She bumps Vicki then does the “You Can’t See Me,” then Cena starts to climb the ladder and AJ turns on Cena and shoves over the ladder.  Dolph super kicks him and climbs the ladder and wins back his brief case.
    • Great finish.  Great match actually. 
    • The crowd went nuts on the AJ turn and on the Dolph win. 

    Great show.  Well worth watching.  It’s now number one on the list, which is now 4,3,1,2.

  • WWE TLC 3 – A look at the new December classic

    Tables, Ladders, and Chairs… Oh My! Part 3

    By: PeachMachine (@hendosfoodblog and @parkingcone)

    This week…

    TLC 3 – December 18, 2011 – Baltimore, Maryland – 1st Mariner Arena

    I’m actually looking forward to watching this show this week, as I know it can’t be three stinkers in a row.  The hype video to open the show was a really well written WWE version of The Night Before Christmas poem.  It’s only a two man announce crew tonight with The King and Cole having to fill the void of Matt Stryker. 

    Dark Match – Drew McIntyre defeated Alex Riley

    Zach Ryder defeated Dolph Ziggler (c) (with Vickie Guerrero) in a singles match for the US Championship

    • I’m predicting Zach gets axed in the post Mania clearinghouse this year.
    • We are in the middle of the “WWE must talk about twitter all the time” horrible period. 
    • Michael Cole just made as many social media references as he could. 
    • Vicki got booted for putting Dolph’s foot on the rope.  Why do refs allow anyone at ringside at anytime, ever?  What percentage of time does the person at ringside NOT get involved? 
    • This match is pretty good.  A lot of heat actually.  Too bad Zach accidentally got popular.
    • Ryder wins with the Rough Ryder.
    • I feel bad for Cole.  No way could he actually be that big of a dork.  He must hate himself.
    • Zach celebrated with his dad in the crowd. 

    Backstage, Alicia Fox chatted up Booker T until Cody Rhodes jumped him.  

    Air Boom (c) (Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne) defeated Primo and Epico (with Rosa Mendes) for the Tag Team Championship

    • Primo and Epico wore some sweet serapes to the ring.
    • The tag belts are awful.  They’re bronze.  “I’m the best at tag team wrestling.  If you don’t believe me, check out my bronze belt.”
    • King claims that Air Boom breaks the laws of Physics.  So, either Evan Bourne and Kofi Kingston are wizards, or King doesn’t understand Physics.
    • Heat on Bourne is just an excuse to focus on Rosa’s, ahem, assets. 
    • Cole, “Air Boom is trending.  People are actually talking about the tag champs.” He really said that.
    • Why don’t tag matches ever end during the time of the match where two men are kicking the crap out of one? 
    • Air Boom wins with Trouble in Paradise

    Then there was a skit with Teddy Long as Santa and Hornswaggle as an elf.  They do some awful race relation’s humor, and then Swaggy gets a gift from Teddy, which is Rosetta Stone in Ebonics. I wonder if they’ll follow up with this angle and bring Hornswaggle back as a jive talking elf.

    Randy Orton defeated Wade Barrett in a tables match

    • Orton body watch:  He’s tanned out of this world, and jacked.  Definitely the best shape of his career to this point.
    • Your pretty standard table fare with a lot of brawling.  A better than average match.
    • The finish was Orton catching a diving Barrett in an RKO through a table. 

    Then we got another Santa skit with the Bella’s arguing over who was the good one.  Santa Teddy said they both were bad so Teddy gave them his card with his number.  Then Jack Swagger showed up and griped about Mark Henry.  Then Sheamus showed up and told us a story about someone getting their head in an arse. 

    Beth Phoenix (c) defeats Kelly Kelly

    • They replay the angle from the Slammy’s with Kelly Kelly winning Diva of the year.  Very prestigious.
    • Remember when these two quit WWE for no real reason?  Do you think they regret not being around for this amazing diva’s revolution? 
    • Women wrestlers can just go ahead and not make sound when selling.  It’s unsettling to hear Kelly Kelly screaming “no” and making horrible death noises while getting beaten up. 
    • Beth Phoenix wins clean after the Glam Slam.

    Alberto Del Rio is seen yelling at Ricardo when the Miz walks up to talk about their alliance.  Del Rio admits he was playing the Miz, so Miz has to take a dig at the Baltimore Ravens.  That ought to shut up world famous Baltimore Ravens fan Alberto Del Rio.  Then Ricardo come back with a pie or something and gets it shoved in his face.  They need to teach a WWE rules class at the performance center.  I’ll start a tally.  WWE Rule 1) Don’t carry a pastry anywhere.

    Booker T. vs. Cody Rhodes

    • Cody jumps Book before Book even gets to the ring and the doctors determine he is unfit to perform.  No match.

    HHH defeats Kevin Nash in a sledgehammer ladder match

    • Home Depot must have sponsored this match.   Actually, Home Depot should sponsor the whole PPV.
    • This was the ridiculous feud where Nash murdered HHH, as he laid unconscious strapped to a gurney. 
    • “The sledgehammer can be used legally to beat your opponent.” Announcer, real quote.
    • Nash comes out to the nWo music.
    • HHH spends the opening part destroying Nash’s legs, including a figure four around the ladder.  I think a higher percentage knee-destroying move on Kevin Nash would be to run an infinite crisscross.  It would be funny just to see these two in a race.  Quads vs. Knees.
    • Nash comes back and does his side slam on a ladder. 
    • Nobody has gone after the sledgehammer, because in a ladder match, you’ve already been supplied with plenty of alternate types of sledgehammers. 
    • HHH back drops Nash over the announcers’ table.
    • Here comes the table from under the ring.  So I guess tables are allowed in a sledgehammer ladder match.
    • HHH hits Nash in the head with the hanging sledge, and Nash takes a bump through the table.  That’s a decent bump for Nash. 
    • HHH starts the sledgehammer beating.  HHH connects with the pedigree and goes back to the sledge.  Nash, in desperation, throws up the click hand sign, and HHH responds with a crotch chop and a final sledge shot.  HHH wins.

    Strkyer interviewed CM Punk about the beating he took on Raw.  Punk’s promo was great.  He ran down everyone in the match, and Cole, and John Laurinitis.  Then Big Johnny showed up and they talk about the Slammy Punk was supposed to get.  Punk get’s in a “future endeavors” line, and then Johnny has to point out that he’s taller than Punk.  This company is so petty.

    Sheamus defeats Jack Swagger (with Vicki Guerrero)

    • Good thing these guys didn’t get along backstage earlier or we would not have this buffer match.
    • I guess they’re giving Vicki a second chance to behave herself.
    • Boring match.  Sheamus wins after the Brogue kick.

    Big Show defeats Mark Henry (c) in a Chairs match for the World Heavyweight Championship.

    • This was the feud where they did the ring implosion spot.
    • Show starts the match by making it rain chairs.
    • Henry had his ankle heavily taped. 
    • Show wins the title after delivering the Knock Out Punch through a chair.
    • Then Henry comes back and lays out Big Show with a DDT on the chairs.
    • I honestly wrote, “Mark Henry defeats Big Show” before watching the match because I couldn’t remember Show having a title run.  Then I remembered why…. Daniel Bryan runs in after the match and cashes in his Money in the Bank contract and pins the Big Show.
    • We just saw two title changes.

    Josh Matthews interviews Booker T and T says he’s going to fight Cody tonight!  Oh thank heavens we get that match tonight!  

    Cody Rhodes (c) defeats Booker T for the Intercontinental Championship

    • This is the storyline where Booker T had been retired for two years.  Was anyone dying for Booker T to come out of retirement?
    • I’ve never liked Booker T in any of his roles.  Ok, King Book was pretty good, but nothing else.  Well, I really liked when he and Goldust reviewed movies.  But that’s it. 
    • Cody wins after the Disaster kick, which Cole identified as, “another kick to the head.”

    CM Punk defeats Alberto Del Rio (with Ricardo Rodriguez), and Miz, in a three way TLC match for the WWE Championship

    • Champions usually fare pretty well in three ways.  WWE loves declaring the 33% chance of winning, which is absolutely incorrect, unless of course Roxy Roxborough actually says it.
    • Punk starts climbing and as he does, Ricardo Rodriguez manages to handcuff Punk to a ladder. 
    • Punk broke free by breaking the ladder strut, to which he was attached.  In hindsight, the handcuffing was ridiculously unnecessary.
    • Del Rio delivers an enziguri on Punk and then Punk takes a bump through a table to the floor.
    • Why does Ricardo cut his hair so he looks like a vampire?
    • Del Rio gets up alone, with enough energy to dilly dally on the floor before easily setting up a ladder.  I guess he accidentally swallowed a Qualude somewhere in there, because as he steps on to the ladder, he lost the ability to move his muscles, and could not climb.
    • Rodriguez takes a bump off the ladder through a table on the floor.
    • Oh wait, now Miz handcuffs Punk to the turnbuckle which is ridiculous, but then Punk actually tries to reach for the belt, as if, maaaaaybe he can win the match from his knees attached to the ring post. 
    • Super Punk breaks free from the handcuffs a second time, climbs the ladder and dumps Del Rio, catches Miz in the GTS and climbs again to grab the belt, in really good TLC match.

    Analysis:  This show has been the best TLC to date.  The main event was very good.  The HHH match was pretty good.  The Air Boom match was short but fun, and everything else felt appropriately placed.  Even Big Show and Henry had a decent chairs match.  We saw Z Ry and D Bry win belts, and we may have seen Booker T’s last match.  I’d call that a thumbs up show. 

  • WWE TLC 2010 – A look at the New December Classic

    Tables, Ladders, and Chairs… Oh My! – Part 2

    By: PeachMachine (@hendosfoodblog and @parkingcone)

    This week…

    TLC 2 – December 19,2010 – Houston Texas – Toyota Center

    Dark Match – Daniel Bryan (c) defeated Ted DiBiase (with Maryse) for the WWE United States Championship

    • Not on the network, but let’s start our tally of current WWE employees versus goners – D. Bryan still with the company (barely), but DiBiase and Maryse are gone, so it’s 1-2.
    • U.S. Champion D. Bryan in the dark slot.  Ya. 

    Dolph Ziggler (c) defeated Kofi Kingston and Jack Swagger in a triple threat ladder match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship

    • Stryker, Cole and Lawler again.  Cole has his Slammies.  Remember when the Slammies were real, or something like that?
    • Of the four performers involved in the first match, yes for Kofi, yes for Dolph, yes-ish for Swagger, and no for Vicki, so it’s 4-3.
    • A pretty average three way and a pretty average ladder match with a super flat finish of Dolph picking the title up off the ground that was dropped by Kofi and Swagger.

    Natalya and Beth Phoenix defeated LayCool (Layla and Michelle McCool) in a tag team tables match

    • Natalya is the only one still remaining, so we’re at 5 in and 6 out.
    • I’ve haven’t heard as many hi-yas in one place since my 6 year old birthday party where we all were dressed as ninjas.
    • Stryker just sounds like a complete dork.
    • I enjoyed the painted table because I have no idea if it was supposed to be flattering or insulting to LayCool.
    • I see why they haven’t done another one of these since.
    • The double Sharpshooter by Natalya actually looked pretty good.
    • Natalya having to do the cross body off the top because the table didn’t break made the ending at least enjoyable.

    Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov (c) defeated The Nexus (Justin Gabriel and Health Slater) (with Husky Harris and whatever Curtis Axel was before, something McGuillicutty?) by DQ for the WWE Tag Team Championship

    • Santino is not wrestling anymore, Kozlov is gone, Gabriel quit, Slater is a jobber, Harris is now Bray Wyatt, and Axelmania is, well, unclear at best.  That puts us at 8 on the roster and 9 not, and the biggest current player of this match is Husky Harris.
    • Remember Kozlov?

    John Morrison defeated King Sheamus in a ladder match to determine the number one contender to the WWE Championship

    • Wow, Michael Cole really stepping up his annoyingness putting himself over in this one.  Nothing I like more than hearing the announcers talk about how great they are personally.
    • Sheamus is still around, and Morrison is doing stand up comedy.  Who came out better?  9 still here, 10 gone. 
    • Let’s toss the announce team into our tally, so we have Cole and King still around and Stryker gone.  Now we’re even at 11. 
    • Pretty wild ladder match.  I like when they build stuff out of the ladders. 
    • Do you think Morrison really did Parkour?   Like in his free time, would he go run in the park and jump off of picnic tables?  Or did he just go to the gym like a normal person.
    • I like to think that all contract disputes are settled this way.  “Alright, we’ve acquired the Donaldson contract.  Let’s all thank Gary for winning that ladder match.”
    • Michael Cole, “That steel ladder bent in half!”  WWE Director, “And now lets got a shot of those wood shards from where the wooden section of the ladder broke.”
    • This is actually a dang good match.  Really fun stuff here.

    The Miz (c) (with Alex Riley) defeated Randy Orton in a tables match for the WWE Championship

    • Miz is still around and now wearing a cape, Orton is around but injured, and A-Ry?  MIA.  I can’t count him as a current roster member… Well I just checked the WWE Superstars page, and he’s there, so I have to count him.  14 yes – 11 no.  Oh wait, I forgot to add Josh Matthews to the no list.  14-12. 
    • I once pitched a tag team idea for Zach Ryder and Alex Riley.  They would have been called A Ri to Z Ry… And by pitched I mean, said to myself alone in the car and giggled. 
    • Did you do your Randy Orton body research from last week?  One day when I figure out how to screen shot something I’ll do it myself.  Nah, I won’t.  Regardless, he looks better in 2010 than 2009.  Bigger for sure.  And it looks like he finally got those wonderful tattoo sleeves completed. 
    • A Ry took the table bump and Miz put a lifeless Randy Orton through the remains, and Mike Chioda didn’t see it because he had been bumped. 
    • Chioda saw the replay on the big screen and restarted the match.  Let’s start the 90-second timer… Way less.
    • So now Orton falls off the apron and into a table and the match is over. 
    • So the ref can use replay but only if they happen to notice it.  It can’t be done officially, I guess.  Cole was yelling about how instant replay is illegal.
    • They showed a replay of Chioda watching the replay.  Whoa!  Trippy.

    Edge defeated Kane (c), Rey Mysterio and Alberto Del Rio (with Ricardo Rodriguez) in a Fatal-4-Way TLC match for the World Heavyweight Championship

    • Rosa Mendes and Del Rio chatted it up before the match.  Strangely, they are both still on the roster.
    • Edge is gone, Rey is gone, Ricardo is gone, Kane is now two people, but he’s fired.  Whatever.  17 yes and 15 no.
    • This is just after the “Edge is a psychopath father torture” angle. 
    • Edge took a ladder and threw it near the announcers and you could see Stryker do the “stop short” arm move for the King.  That was nice.
    • Then Stryker says that Edge chose the biggest ladder because of his experience.  Ok?
    • Some pretty inventive stuff here.  Rey jumped off one of the prop tables that were hung over the stage.
    • Ricardo took a big bump from Kane. 
    • This was a heck of a TLC match.  Just sort of brutal and realistic.  When the spots get too inventive, it takes me out of it.
    • It also takes me out of it when at the start of every ladder match the guys have to stare at the title longingly. 
    • Hellacious bump by Del Rio coming off the big ladder through a table out of the ring.
    • Kane’s back up and looks to have a trickle of blood on his head.  Better go to that wide shot.
    • Edge spanked Kane with a chair.
    • Remember the Con-Chair-To?
    • Kane took a pretty solid bump to the floor through a table after a spear by Edge.
    • Really excellent TLC match. 

    An unbelievably embarrassingly bad comedy Santa skit…

    • Dashing Cody Rhodes came out to speak.  He’s still on the roster, sort of.  18 and 15. 
    • Fat material.  Jowl puns.  Wow.
    • Michael Cole’s fake laugh is sickening.  “Irritable Jowl Syndrome.” Haha!  Good stuff Cody. 
    • I enjoy the old school heel running down the audience, but this material is “Boy Meets World” level bad.
    • Then the Bellas came out as elves and Big Show as Santa.
    • Big Show is out to plug Knucklehead.  I hope that ends up in my stocking this year.
    • The Bellas and Show are still on the roster.  21-15
    • Big Show’s finish is a punch.  How is he not the Champion on an amazing undefeated streak if all he has to do is punch?

    John Cena defeated Wade Barrett in a chairs match

    • CM Punk comes to the ring to announce.  He’s out.
    • Cena is still the man even though he’s off TV for a bit, and Barrett probably wishes he were fired a long time ago.  23 yes, and 16 no.
    • There are literally dozens of chairs at ringside and Cena can’t seem to pick one up.
    • “We Hate Cena” T-Shirt guy in the front row.  Speak for yourself!
    • This match is just silly. 
    • Chair use in this match is idiotic.  Wade continually tries to decapitate him but keeps missing, and then gently swipes him on the side later when he had him dead to rights.
    • Red Hat guy in the crowd
    • This PPV is dragging. 
    • Cena “knocked out” Barrett, then poured cold water on his face to wake him up, just so he could zoom him down the ramp on a rolling chair into the propped up ring steps.  That’s really what happened. 
    • Now I’m supposed to take this match seriously.
    • Oh, remember earlier when Cena knocked out all five other Nexus guys earlier in the night?  He’s concussed a half a dozen men this evening. 
    • Cena wins by giving Barrett an Attitude Adjustment onto 8 chairs. 
    • That match was pretty stupid.  It had a zany finish of Cena putting Barrett under a protective table, and then pulling down the prop chairs and they all fell on Barrett. 

    Summary:  This was a much better show than the year before.  Actually, I just went through the card again, and I’m wrong.  It’s not as good.  The terrible stuff was just the dirt worst, and there were some cringe worthy matches.  The TLC match was really good.  Go watch that.