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  • WWE Total Divas: Total Divastation Episode 10

    Submitted by Kevin LaRose

    *****

    New York, NY. A boy gives the Bella’s some flowers. He shows them a Cena lunch box with a Nikki Bella action figure inside that he takes with him everywhere.

    Now they are in Denver. Paige and Fox meet a fan at a coffee shop. It’s not a nice restaurant; it’s a little place to get to-go coffee. No one hangs out there. They go to a park with a fan. He lives in Portland, OR. He wants Paige to help him come out as a gay man to his family. He is afraid that they won’t accept him. He tells Paige that he gets his strength from her. Fox and Paige agree to go to his house when he comes out to his family. 

    Now in Phoenix, going from town to town, we have to move fast. We have a lot of story to get in to just one tiny hour. Nattie is looking at at an app and she tells Mandy about her new cat. Nattie is going on a big family jet-skiing vacation. Mandy complains that she never had a family vacation. Nattie invites Mandy’s family on her vacation. Then she freaks out because she realizes how dumb that was. 

    Brie is stoked because she is wrestling in her home town. Everyone loves her and she wins. She hugs her brother JJ backstage. Nikki is bummed because she can’t go to Sedona. In Sedona, Brie, Bryan, and their friends and family, are also going on a different sort of vacation, a cleansing vacation. JJ is upset because he doesn’t want to do everything that Bryan wants to do. The Bellas talk about their breasts. 

    Eva and Mandy hug an Uso. Carrano wants to get some creative stuff going for them, get them on Mania to fight for the Diva’s title, and share some wacky ideas for Eva. They want her to dye her hair blonde. We saw what happened last time they asked her to go blonde. She went AWOL. 

    Ontario, California. Paige is backstage, talking to some Divas about the promise she made to go to that fan’s house to help him come out to his parents. Renee Young tells her it’s a little weird that she agreed to that. Everyone tells her she is going too far. They tell her it’s a bad idea, even Nattie. 

    Back in Phoenix, Bryan tells everyone on the way to the vacation that they are going to visit a reincarnated Buddha, a teepee temple, and then a stupa, “which is like a sacred place.” Brie wants lunch. He tells them there will be no alcohol. This isn’t going to end well.

    In Colorado Springs, Nattie walks up to Fox and tells her about the vacation with Mandy. She just learned Mandy is coming with fifteen people. R-Truth hugs Mandy and Eva. They tell him about their tag team. R-Truth wants them to be his dancers. 

    Meanwhile, in Sedona. Bryan and friends pull up to a sweet house with a meditation room, as Dean Ambrose and Renee Young show up. Ambrose has a hand drum. Bryan makes a healthy lunch. Everyone is pissed. They don’t want to eat healthy. Bryan tells Brie that she never cries. Bryan cries all the time. 

    Back in Colorado Springs, Paige and Fox are in a park. The entire WWE Total Divas universe has been turned on its head. Everyone is going on weird vacations, going to strange family houses, and sitting in small parks and no one is eating at any nice restaurants! Paige tells Fox that everyone said it was weird that they were going to that fan’s house. Fox wants to go. Paige decides to call him and tell him no. She chickens out when they hear his mom had a heart attack. Fox is happy because what’s the worst that can happen? I don’t know, Fox, how about two incompetent strangers showing up with a camera crew to a random and combustible family’s home, during one of the most sensitive conversations they’ve ever had? 

    In Tampa, Nattie smells her cat. She tells TJ about Mandy. Nattie tries to quote Maya Angelou. She googles Maya Angelou. TJ is saying funny things. Too bad you are reading this instead of watching, because there is no way possible to convey via the written word how he just interacted with his wife. He’s pretty chill about all of it in the end.

    Brie and friends show up to this place and they go into a teepee with this really excited man in a cowboy hat. They do meditation. Everyone hates it except Brie and Bryan. Ambrose is pissed. The guy blows a giant horn in Bryan’s face. Everyone laughs. Everything I would have never thought would happen on this show is happening tonight. 

    Finally some semblance of order, as Mandy and Eva walk into a very nice restaurant called Boca. It’s got nice lighting, and a surprising feature… a tree growing in the middle of the restaurant! A fan tells Eva how inspiring she is. No one knows who Mandy is. Mandy wants Eva to go blonde. Mandy, if you keep talking about Eva going blonde then you are already dead. 

    Bryan is pissed that everyone made an unhealthy dinner. Bryan said that everyone agreed to do as he said because he paid for everything. Bryan is pissed that everyone is drinking. He gives them the business. Ambrose, shirt reading “I’m just here for the beer,” tells everyone he thinks they should drink. They drink. Bryan chooses not to participate in their toast and tells them such.

    In Portland, Paige and Fox pull up to an amazing bed and breakfast. Fox says something stupid and they laugh. Paige asks the proprietor if he is gay. He is. He tells them that coming out to his dad was the hardest thing he’s ever done. 

    Back in Sedona, Bryan makes a joke then says he’s going to a Buddhist monument to meditate. Everyone says they aren’t going. Bryan says whatever. Brie doesn’t want to go, and Bryan is pissed. 

    Meanwhile at some dump of a bar in Portland, Paige and Fox are with the fan, and they realize they really aren’t qualified to actually help him.

    In Orlando, Mandy and Eva talk to Sara and Sarah about their tag team. Eva and Mandy don’t really know anything about tag teams, especially Mandy. Sara tells Eva privately that she is way ahead of Mandy and Eva doesn’t need to change a thing.

    Back in Sedona, everyone is in the hot tub. Dean Ambrose jumps in the pool. Bryan is sulking in bed. Brie tries to get Bryan to come to the tub. Bryan wants Brie to go to bed. Bryan surprises everyone and comes out in a cool bathing suit and judges a jumping contest. He has a really good time.  

    In Jacksonville, Eva and Mandy are at Tribute to the Troops. Eva and Nattie go to the mess hall. This looks nothing like the restaurants at which they usually dine. Eva tells Nattie about Mandy. Nattie tells her not to sweat Mandy.

    Back in Portland, Paige, Fox and the fan pull up to his house. Everyone is un-phased by the cameras. Some tense piano music plays and he tells them he’s gay. Everyone is super chill with it, and there was really no issue at all. Everyone hugs.

    In Orlando, Eva is fighting Bayley for the NXT Women’s Championship. 2016 WWE Hall of Fame inductee, Michael Hayes, in a hat no human should wear, stares at Eva and tells her she’s great. She wrestles and loses. Everyone in the crowd hates her and she loves it. She thinks that she’s entertaining. Mandy hugs Eva. Eva tells Mandy to get lost. Mandy acts cool and walks away.

    Guess we must wait to find out what happens on Nattie’s vacation.

  • WWE Smackdown results 11/19: Dean Ambrose & Roman Reigns vs. Kevin Owens & Alberto Del Rio

    – Air Date: November 19, 2015 (Nov 18 in Canada)
    – Location: Thompson-Boling Arena in Knoxville, TN

    The Big News:

    November 19, 2015. Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose are still the best of friends.

    Show Recap:

    R.I.P. Nick Bockwinkel.

    After airing a graphic for Bockwinkel, they plugged the WWE Title tournament semi-final matches for Survivor Series and pushed the tag team main event for tonight.

    The Miz welcomed everyone to MizTV, and he did that thing where he waits for the crowd to say “MizTV” but only five people do. He was about to introduce his guests but Kevin Owens’ music hit before he could finish.

    Miz said he’s supposed to introduce the guests, but Owens said he’s turning this into the Kevin Owens Show. Owens said he would win the WWE Title and would become, as Triple H puts it, the man. Miz was about to say something but Alberto Del Rio and Zeb Colter interrupted.

    Colter called Miz a hater and isn’t going to fall for his “gotcha” questioning. Colter said it doesn’t matter what you call MizTV, it’s still crap. Owens thought that was funny, but Colter called Owens a hater too and, “Worse than that, you’re from Canada.” Crowd popped. Colter wondered if Owens snuck across the border by ice skating across Lake Michigan.

    Very Tanned Alberto Del Rio told Owens that there would be a place in MexAmerica for people like him, because they need people to clean their pools. Owens responded, “You know who missed you while you were gone, by the way? Nobody.”

    Dean Ambrose came out next. Miz was upset, but Ambrose said he was there to help him and told him to sit down. Ambrose (who campaigned against all the talking on Raw) said this was a talk show so he was going to talk. He called Del Rio one tough hombre but will go through him for the title if he has to. He said Owens can give out a beating unlike anyone else, but Ambrose can take a beating unlike anyone else and would win the title.

    Miz said there’s someone who might disagree, and smiley-faced Roman Reigns came down through the crowd. Miz was still upset that he kept getting interrupted. Reigns told him we know what happens on MizTV – Miz talks until someone shuts him up.

    R-Truth came out next and everyone appeared nonplussed. Truth called himself the underdog and a survivor and would win the title at Survivor Series. Miz told him the tournament has been going on for two weeks and Truth was never in it. Truth apologized, wished luck to the babyfaces and left.

    Miz complained about his segment going off the rails. Reigns told him to act like a director and started directing. Miz yelled “Action!” like he was on a film set, and Ambrose punched him out. Del Rio and Owens bailed. This segment started well but completely fell apart once Reigns and Truth came out.

    After a break, Miz was still in the ring, scheduled for a match. He said he shouldn’t have to compete after being disrespected and wanted his match cancelled. He was interrupted again, this time by Cesaro.

    Cesaro beat The Miz via submission

    Miz got some offense briefly but Cesaro quickly cut him off and did a tilt-a-whirl into a crossface and Miz tapped. It was short. After the match, Stardust and the Ascension came out as Cesaro walked up the ramp. Stardust and Cesaro faced off before Stardust continued on his way. Rich Brennan was excited about this face off, and he’s the only one.

    Neville & The Dudley Boyz beat Stardust & The Ascension via pinfall

    Neville ran towards the ropes but Konnor held the ropes open as Viktor distracted the referee, resulting in Neville crashing to the outside. Stardust rammed his head against the table and Bubba encouraged Neville to get up. Then, Konnor gave Neville a big boot. Presumably the referee was distracted again, but he wasn’t in the frame.

    Bubba yelled at the referee because of how stupid all of this was. The referee looked like an imbecile here and so did the Dudleys frankly. They just stood there as their partner got double teamed illegally.

    After a break, Bubba made a hot tag and took out Viktor and Stardust. They did the diving headbutt spot to Konnor and called for tables. Stardust jumped back in and gave Bubba a disaster kick, but Neville took him out with a missile dropkick. Viktor tossed Neville to the outside, sending him into Konnor. Bubba and D-Von gave Viktor 3D for the win. This was not good, and this was a poor follow-up for Neville after his great match with Owens on Raw.

    They aired a video package for Undertaker & Kane vs. the Wyatts. Jerry Lawler hopes Bray Wyatt is in the match. This is not how you promote a PPV match.

    Tyler Breeze (w/Summer Rae) beat Zack Ryder via pinfall

    Before the match, Breeze said Ryder’s fashion sense reminded him of another uggo, Dolph Ziggler. He said Summer dumped Ziggler because she wanted an upgrade. Breeze said he’s what everyone wanted and he never goes out of style. Breeze said Ziggler would do what he’s done his entire career, and Summer finished his sentence by saying Ziggler would come up short. She motioned with her fingers, intimating that Ziggler has a small penis.

    During the match, Ziggler came to ringside. He dumped one of their drinks on the floor. The distraction allowed Ryder to get a nearfall on a school boy, but Breeze won shortly after with the Beauty Shot. After the match, Ziggler superkicked Breeze and left.

    The lights went out and the Undertaker’s druids came out in sheep masks. Bray’s music hit and the Wyatts came out. (They promoted this ahead of time so the crowd knew it wasn’t going to be Undertaker.) Bray rambled. He said the demon and the deadman would fail, it was just a question of how.

    He said Erick Rowan was cast aside by society and is fueled by vengeance. He said Luke Harper shows no remorse. Strowman spoke for himself, saying he’s dreamt of making great men fall and would shatter their bones to dust. Crowd chanted “What” at Strowman.

    Undertaker’s music and pyro went off and he eventually appeared on the big screen. Taker cut a usual Taker promo and said the Brothers of Destruction will reclaim what’s theirs. Kane held up a white sheep mask, which was on fire, and Taker said the Wyatts would rest in peace. Kane did that thing with his arms and his fire explosion went off in the ring and, suddenly, all of the druids were on the floor like corpses. This was wacky.

    They showed a replay of Paige’s controversial line on Raw. They referred to this segment as the “Diva Revulsion.”

    Non-Title: WWE Divas Champion Charlotte beat Brie Bella (w/Alicia Fox) via submission

    Short, back-and-forth match that ended with Charlotte reversing an X-Factor into a spear and Figure Eight for the win. The crowd wasn’t dead, but I’m not sure how much they cared about Charlotte. They sure yelled “woo” a lot.

    Backstage, Paige told Renee Young that Charlotte can turn into the Incredible Hulk if she wants but it won’t help her retain the title. Paige called Charlotte immature for the way she acted on Monday, which is pretty funny. Paige said she would cross the line if that’s what it took to regain the title, because that’s what champions do.

    Big E (w/Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods) beat Kalisto (w/Sin Cara) via pinfall

    Xavier Woods said there was a conspiracy against them because they weren’t in the tournament. They buried Ryback and Kalisto, making short jokes about the latter. Woods put on a mask and Kofi Kingston exclaimed, “He’s a luchadore! Because he’s wearing a mask!” Big E said he would show Kalisto that size does matter and began swivelling his hips.

    Once the match started, Sin Cara took out Woods outside the ring, and Kingston took out Sin Cara. Kalisto hit a dive on Kingston, but was distracted by Woods as he re-entered the ring, allowing Big E to hit a running body block and running splash for an extremely quick win. Terrible follow-up for Kalisto after his big win last week.

    After the match, Woods and Kingston held down Kalisto allowing Big E to hit another splash. Ryback ran out to make the save, taking out all three New Day members by himself, including hitting a splash of his own on Big E. He helped Sin Cara and Kalisto to their feet.

    They showed a pre-taped video interview Maria Menounos did with Paige and The Miz about their upcoming movie. This was basically a commercial, but it was the highlight of the show to this point. They were all in character. Miz tried plugging the movie, but Paige interrupted to bury Menounos, bringing up her failed attempt to become a [wrestler]. Menounos asked her what it was like working with an accomplished actor like The Miz. Paige laughed and eventually blew off the interview because she has more important things to worry about.

    They announced Ziggler vs. Breeze for Survivor Series.

    Ambrose and Reigns had a meeting backstage. Ambrose expected them both to win their semi-final matches at Survivor Series and Reigns acknowledged that this would put them against each other in the finals. Reigns patted Ambrose on the shoulder, saying he’s come too far and would have to treat Ambrose like everyone else. Ambrose expected nothing less. Basically, they agreed to give it their all and they bumped fists.

    Roman Reigns & Dean Ambrose DCO I.C. Champion Kevin Owens & US Champion Alberto Del Rio (w/Zeb Colter)

    After a break, the heels took control on Ambrose after Del Rio launched him into the barricade. As Owens beat down on Ambrose, he pointed at Brennan and yelled, “You watching this Rich you idiot?” Del Rio hit an enziguri and back cracker for a two count. Ambrose blocked a superkick, hit a rebound clothesline and made the hot tag to Reigns.

    Reigns used a clothesline and apron dropkick on Owens, followed by clotheslines in the corner. Reigns hit a tilt-a-whirl slam on Owens, but Del Rio broke up the cover. Reigns sent Del Rio to the outside, and Owens hit Reigns with a superkick. Ambrose hit a suicide dive on Del Rio and clotheslined him over the announce table.

    Owens tried a powerbomb on Ambrose outside the ring, but Reigns hit him with a superman punch. Del Rio tossed Reigns into the steps and gave him a superkick. Around this point, the referee called for a double count out. Lame.

    Del Rio tossed Ambrose in the ring but Ambrose hit Dirty Deeds. Ambrose slipped out of a pop-up powerbomb and Reigns hit Owens with a spear. Afterwards, Ambrose and Reigns both went out to look at the WWE Title at ringside and eventually bumped fists again.

    Final Thoughts:

    This show sucked. Four of the matches were under five minutes, and the main event, which was promoted all night, ended in a double count out. Nothing on this show mattered.

    Enjoy Survivor Series.