Paypress testing

Tag: Dario Cueto

  • Lucha Underground results: 7-way Gift of the Gods title match

    We get a rundown of the Aztec Medallion matches so far this season, alongside Chavo stealing Cage’s medallion. Pentagon Jr’s demise is shown and we see Vampiro’s torture of him again. In his office, Dario puts stacks of cash in his bag and Cage runs in. Dario calls him the Medallion Machine and Dario tells him it’s his problem – and that if Chavo puts the medallion in the belt, it’s his. Dario and Cage come out of his office, and we get Striker asking what Cage is doing come out of it. 

    Dario stands next to the medallion-less Gift of the Gods Title and announces a seven man match to determine the Gift of the Gods. Dario tells everyone who has a medallion to come out – so Chavo will have to go through Cage to actually get into the match. Texano comes out first and puts the medallion in – resulting in an amusing “well done!” by Dario. Joey comes down while Dario says he has a sixth sense for fashion. Sinestro comes down without Catrtina, but with a new cape and hood – “spooky!” according to Dario.

    It’s “THE RETURN OF THE MACK! BIG MACK BABY MACK BABY MACK BABY!” and then “Sexy sexy sexy sexy sexy Star!” Dario is amazing, and a “strong star woman” according to him. Chavo comes down to a “chickenshit” chant. Cage kicks his ass, but only grabs a washer – and Chavo hits him with the chair to put the medallion in the belt. Dario puts Chavo in the match, resulting in “a sorry man” and Cage doing his goofy catchphrase and even goofier finisher to Chavo. Dario has to win best non-performer of the year just for this segment.

    Mascarita Sagrada vs. Argenis vs. Daga vs. Kobra Moon

    Famous B does Sagrada’s intro in his new 423-GET-FAME tie – which needs to be on ProWrestlingTees ASAP, and the phone number alone gets a chant. Striker talks about watching midget porn in high school talking about Brenda and Sagrada. Kobra snaps his neck on the rope and gets 2. Kobra Moon hits a Michonoku Driver, resulting in Vamp marking out since it was his WCW finisher. A tumbling exchange between Daga and Argenis is won by Argenis with a kick. Dada hits a dropkick on the apron, but a baseball slide misses and sends Daga to the floor where he eats an Asai moonsault.

    Sagrada gets a victory roll on Kobra for 2. Sagarada goes for an armbar on Argenis, but Argenis Backlund lifts him into a One Winged Angel for 2. Corner running uppercut to Argenis by Daga, and a huge German gets 2. Daga gets a Gory special on Kobra and a Billy Goat’s Curse to Argenis. Argenis tosses Sagrada violently against the ropes. Crazy Fosbury Flop dive by Daga to the floor! Kobra Moon hits a fire thunder driver to Sagrada and lets Daga win. Famous B and Brenda console Sagrada while the fans chant “GET FAME 423!”

    Backstage, Killshot suits up before Marty the Moth creeps up behind him and says he’s reporting for duty. He says they have a match and mocks him with gun sounds before a wacky kung fu movie fight breaks out between them. Killshot wins and give him a finger-gun bang while Marty cackles. Robert Rodriguez’s band plays Marty to the ring. Marty and Joey should be a creeper tag team in season three.

    Marty the Moth vs. Killshot

    Vamp talks about the importance of dogtags in the military, while Striker talks about Col. DeBeers, Private Daniels, and Vamp talks about Major Gunns. Marty bumrushes him with corner strikes and tosses him to the floor – where he lands on the floor. Marty teases a dive and leans over the rope – but then eats a high kick. Marty catches him off a flip dive and eats a powerslam. Vamp talks about being silent now because of his mental suffering and then Striker mocks him a bit. Release German by Marty and then a turnbuckle exploder gets 2. 

    Vamp says that Marty spends a lot of time in dark corners, while Striker says it was more than likely dark booths. Killshot lands a corner elbow and then lands a basement hook kick. A somersault cutter gets 2 for Killshot. Corner running hook kick lands, but they wind up on the apron. Marty teases an apron German, but avoids that and lands an apron death valley driver. Vamp credits it to his military training, where I guess they had extensive viewing parties of Perry Saturn in WCW. They exchange punches and Marty lands a huge lariat. Back stomp gets 2 for Marty. Marty goes for a corner ass splash, but Killshot catches him for the modified One Winged Angel for the win – this was a lot of fun.

    Marty jumps him after the match, while Striker says that wins and losses still matter – but this impresses Dario as well. So it’s kind of like Dana White wanting you to be an exciting fighter more than just being a winning fighter. Marty grabs the dogtags and then lands a top rope curbstomp before giving him a finger-gun bang to the head just like Killshot did to him in their backstage deal. I dug this – they have good chemistry together and they’re doing something new with each guy. 

    Chavo Guerrero vs. Texano vs. Joey Ryan vs. The Mack (Baby) vs. Sinestro vs. Aerostar vs. Sexy Star

    Chavo cheapshots Texano. Joey and Sexy go at it and she gets 2 off a backslide. Joey tries to kiss her, but Chavo stops it so he can get 2 off a schoolboy. Mack sends Joey outside with a dropkick and the faces stand proudly. Mack and Sexy have a tumbling exchange and then Texano and Mack go at it with Mack going for a sunset flip. Texano takes the top off of Aerostar and traps him in the corner with chops.S

    Aerostar lands a springboard tornado DDT for 2. Superkick by Texano, but he gets sent to the floor. Sinestro goes after Aerostar, but Aerostar lands a flying sunset flip for 2. A wacky exchange leads to Sinestro crotching himself and eating a kick to the face. Sinestro flip dives onto the pile on the floor. Sexy sells a leg injury, and then goes up top for a crossbody off the top to the floor onto the pile. Joey lands a pumphandle slam for 2. Backstabber to Joey gets 2 for Sinestro. 

    Sinestro lariats Texano, but Texano lands one on him when he runs into the opposite corner. Pop-up rana gets 2 for Aerostar. Sexy lands a running dropkick to Joey and stomps on the stomach. Mack and Sexy team up to chop the hair off of Joey’s chest. Double team legdrop/kneedrop thing from the combo. Chavo gets another “chickenshit” splash, but 2 off a frog splash to Joey.

    Everyone gangs up on Chavo. Stunner. Codebreaker. Texano bomb. Springboard legdrop, and a springboard dive hit him. Then Cage comes in. Hey no fair – you already hit your finish on him earlier. He kicks everyone else’s ass – I guess to ensure that Chavo wins so then he can beat Chavo and get the shot he feels is his. Steiner screwdriver to Joey Ryan gives Chavo the win and the Gift of the Gods. Cage congratulates Chavo on being champion and says that Dario told him that Chavo already agreed to face him for the title next week. I like that – they gave you a reason to explain things without words, and then gave you some as well to fully explain it. 

    In Vampiro’s temple, we see Pentagon tied up while Vampiro torments him and says he must break him to make him strong. Vamp promises to torment him until he refuses to show signs of suffering. Vamp canes his own head and talks about Ian trying to suppress him with pills and tells Pentagon that the beating he’s getting here is nothing compared to what Matanza did. As he prepares to swing a barb wire bat at his spine, the screen goes black.

    This was an outstanding episode of the show – easily one of the best of the season. They built up Killshot’s character well, gave Marty something to do, re-established Cage as a top act, showcased Dario in his best talking segment yet, furthered the Vampiro-Pentagon issue, and made a perfect use of their limited time to get things done.

    To see all of the screenshots for it, just click here.

  • Lucha Underground results: Rey Mysterio, Matanza debut at fun Aztec Warfare II

    In a Youtube-exclusive match, Joey Ryan entered Aztec Warfare 2 by stealing a win. It was a pretty entertaining match, and includes more of Vampiro comparing Joey Ryan to ’70s porn stars. Pentagon Jr. tells Fenix he will take his title. Catrina tells him that his master may be dark, but he doesn’t know darkness – and we see her flash into a skeleton briefly. She tells him he isn’t in Aztec Warfare, and he says he has zero fear – she tells him that’s only because he doesn’t know true fear. Catrina tells Fenix he will breathe his last breath, while Mil Muertes will reclaim his title.

    A large tribal celebration takes place while the crowd chants “aztec warfare!” Striker and Vampiro welcome us to the show, and Vamp is wearing a checkered shirt and not a hoodie or T-shirt for the first time ever on the show. It’s a bit weird. Fenix comes out while Striker comes up with 5,000 superlatives to describe him. Famous B and his date are here, in a white suit with a gold tie and a white dress with a gold feather boa respectively. Rey comes down and gets a huge reaction. Surprisingly, he isn’t in his El Rey gear that he had on URFight. Fenix moves aside to let Rey get his props and another big chant breaks out.

    Fenix hugs Rey and they go to a tie-up. Lucha tumbling sequence sets up a revolving door headscissor. Fenix gets 2 off of one of the most ridiculous things I’ve seen – a back-handspring Japanese armdrag. King Cuerno comes in and kicks both guys before hitting the Arrow of Death dive to Fenix on the floor. Rey kicks him off the apron to the floor and hits his Slip ‘n Slide splash under the ropes to the floor. Argenis returns and superkicks Fenix and Rey, getting a 2 on the latter. 619 hits Argenis and the frog splash hits to take Argenis out. Fenix dropkicks Cuerno to the floor and Johnny Mundo comes down before a commercial break.

    We come back to Mundo walking down the steps – so we’ve missed nothing in-ring. Rey and Mundo face off and Mundo sends him into the corner with an uppercut. Fenix comes in and kicks Mundo into the corner before hitting a jumping yakuza kick. Joey Ryan comes down and Fenix gets 2 off a pair of kicks. Striker’s badly-edited voice work tells us that Joey won a qualifier, and Joey handcuffs himself to the barricade so he can’t be eliminate. Cuerno superkicks him for being an idiot. Famous B gives Joey one of his golden business cards. Prince Puma comes down and hits a giant jumping lariat to Fenix. Flying cutter to Cuerno! Double-jump SSP to a pile of luchadors on the floor! Sidewinder suplex is countered into a rana by Cuerno. Rey gets a cross armbreaker to Cuerno and he taps out!

    Well, I sure didn’t see that coming. Jack Evans comes in and eats a beating. Rey climbs on Fenix’s shoulders for a splash onto Evans. Mundo pulls him to safety. Taya comes in as the first female entrant in Aztec Warfare this year. The remaining rudos and tecnicos get into a fist fight. Taya and Jack hold Rey down for the End of the World, but Cage (who is still a machine) comes down. He no-sells a dropkick from Evans and clotheslines him to death for a break.

    Cage attacks Johnny before Taya tries to save him. She eats a nasty slam, and then Cage is tossed through Catrina’s office window. Mascarita Sagrada comes down and Cage recovers and lariats Johnny to Hell. Weapon X on the floor to Mundo! Puma hits a standing SSP to Mundo mid-ring to take him out. Marty the Moth comes down and Vamp asks if they should have a Most Creepy Title just for Marty and Joey. Marty takes off his shirt and swivels his hips before kicking Sagrada down. Eans hits a tornado kick, but Marty doesn’t feel it. Marty fishhooks Jack’s face before Drago comes down and we go to a break.

    Evans goes for a Space Flying Tiger Drop, as you do, and Dragon sidesteps and kicks him. He kicks Joey as well and Drago fights with Jack in the crowd. Rey splashes Marty and takes him out of the match. Evans eats a crazy backdrop to the floor and hands face-first. The Mack comes down and hits a stunner on Marty. Cage and Mack slug it out and Mack hits a flying knee to send him down. Stunner to Cage while Puma chops Joey. Taya attacks Sagrada and Chavo comes down.

    Drago apparently powerbombed Evans on the steps, but we didn’t see it. Well, he’ll regret that later for sure. Chavo locks on the camel clutch to take out Sagrada in an homage to Gory. Taya prevents a 619 to Cage and Mundo hits Cage in the head with a cinder block to take him out. Fenix German Suplexes Taya to take her out. PJ Black comes down and suplexes Drago on the steps. Drago tosses PJ’s face into the post. Aero Star returns from outer space and kicks PJ while Joey tells Aero to eliminate PJ. CANADIAN DESTROYER OFF THE TOP TO JACK EVANS takes him out.

    Dragon Azteca Jr. comes down and dives onto the pile. Azteca makes use of his wacky kung fu training to kick PJ a few times.  OVER THE POST SOMERSAULT DIVE TO MACK ON THE FLOOR. Texano comes down for an ad break. Texano hits a flip dive onto a pile on the floor. PJ hits a double stomp to the back of Texano for 2. Texano lands a powerbonb and eliminates PJ. Mil Muertes comes down as Striker calls him “The Dangerous Precipitation”. Pentagon Jr. jumps him and Rey and Puma double team Mil to pin him. Catrina yells at Vampiro to get the f*ck out of here.

    Dario Cueto returns on the ramp and says THIS IS HIS TEMPLE and he’s the boss. He announces Matanza as the next entrant and the crowd goes crazy. As the graphic states, The Monster Matanza Cueto comes down. Matanza takes out Fenix with a rewind powerslam – guaranteeing a new champion. Mack’s stunner is no-sold a sick head-landing German gets the win for Matanza. Another German beats Aero Star! Texano chokes him with the rope, but the same powerbomb Texano used pins him here. He eyes a trapped Joey Ryan and rips the bars to free him so he can kick his ass. Multiple Karelin lift gutwrench suplexes beat Joey Ryan! Matanza is essentially a top 20 moves video on Youtube, and it’s fantastic for a movie monster character.

    Dragon hits kicks and elbows and a springboard dropkick slightly budges him before a huge Giant-style chokeslam takes Dragon Azteca Jr. out. Chavo talks to Cueto to make a deal, but Cueto tells him to off him. STANDING SSP BY MATANZA TAKES OUT CHAVO! Puma and Rey attack Matanza, but Rey gets tossed to the floor. A forklift-style fallaway slam and a German take out Puma! It’s down to Rey and Matanza for the Lucha Underground Title. Rey tries to use speed, but a big lariat takes him out.

    Rey kicks the knees, then the balls while Striker quotes Jebediah Springfield. An enzuiguri sets up the 619, but Matanza catches him! Rey finally hits it and sends him down! A rana off the top is met with a powerbomb into a rewind powerslam for the win! Cueto proudly declares that his brother is now the Lucha Underground Champion. This wasn’t as good an overall match as the first Aztec Warfare, but it still flew by and was a far better Rumble match than any Royal Rumbles have been this decade. Matanza was booked flawlessly, and unlike every other “monster” character of the past 20 years, actually busted out athletically-impressive offense beyond chokes, chokeslams, and lariats. They made him a very unique monster act and did more to make him a star in one night with him than TNA has done in 13 years with Abyss. To see all the screenshots for the show, just click here.