Submitted by Kevin LaRose
In Indiana, Paige does a photo shoot. Everyone likes it. Paige falls down on the ground because she is so excited about her sandwich. This is the last we will see of her tonight.
In Phoenix, the Bellas and Bryan sit down to lunch at a really, really cute breakfast place. They are going to eat Dutch Babies. The Bellas want to start a charitable bra and panty line. Bryan doesn’t want to talk about Nikki’s vagina. Bryan tells a story of Brie giving him a Dutch oven.
In Orlando, Nattie is training with Mandy. Nattie is excited because she is going to have an opportunity to get closer to Mandy. Nattie is worried about her “loose cannon” father. She doesn’t want to be embarrassed in front of Mandy’s family.
The Bella twins are on the Today show. Nikki is excited to have meetings later in the day in New York. Brie wants to talk about babies, but Nikki doesn’t.
On some island in Florida, the Mandy family arrive at the bomb vacation house. They all pick their bedrooms. Her mom and dad don’t want to stand next to each other, because they are separated. Mandy cries. She wants them to be together again. Mandy has plans for them to rekindle their romance. They chase a crab and the Neidharts arrive. Nattie tells Mandy to let her know if her dad acts weird. He just got out of rehab.
The Bellas are at a really nice restaurant, elegant but casual. They are drinking wine and Nikki is talking business. Nikki set up a meeting with some famous business dude. Brie doesn’t want a meeting. She wants to make the bras and panties herself.
Back on the island, everyone is eating breakfast. Mandy and her fedora-ed brother spy on their dad through a tiny window. Nattie draws a lipstick heart on TJ’s face. Jim Neidhart is wearing a hilarious shirt that makes him look like he is wearing a sexy bikini.
In NY, Brie and Nikki go to take a sewing lesson. Nikki is super negative about learning. Nikki knows Brie is going to fail. Brie tries to make a pair of panties. Nikki thinks Brie is a total failure because she didn’t make a perfect pair on her first try. I think she has potential.
Mandy’s family and the Neidharts have a dragon boat race. Mandy’s family is so good at working as a team, and, as expected, the Neidharts are a mess. I bet that Nattie is going to have to learn to love her family, warts and all. She seems to always have to learn that. Nattie is embarrassed that her family lost. Jim Neidhart is pissed because some guy is massaging his wife’s ass. He is having a conniption. Nattie doesn’t want him to cause a scene. Mandy’s family gets in a van and they try to reminisce about old times. Mandy is stoked that her parents are sitting next to each other. The Neidharts join them at a dock and each family gets on a fishing boat. Jim Neidhart makes some very excited noises and then a noise of disappointment. Nattie’s mom reveals that she put a curse on him and he won’t catch any fish, he will only feel the excitement of it. Nattie’s mom catches her third fish. Nattie is pissed that her dad is acting wacky and having fun. She’s glad Mandy isn’t on the boat to see him. Meanwhile, Mandy tries to talk about her dad with her mom. Her mom doesn’t really want to talk about it.
Nikki and Brie are still bickering. Brie wants to be on Etsy, and Nikki wants this to be an empire. Nikki believes she is so much better at business than her sister. It’s funny because outside they are identical twins, but inside they are worlds apart. They have a meeting with a fashion designer. The fashion designer has a big show tomorrow, but she is more than happy to take time out of her busy day to talk to them. Brie explains her Etsy vision. This lady doesn’t think that’s feasible. I hope Brie doesn’t give up on herself.
Back on the island, Mandy takes a walk with her brothers. She remarks to them how much everything has changed. One of her brothers tells her that if she thinks that mom and dad are going to get back together then she’s crazy. Another brother thinks there’s a chance. They yell at each other.
Nikki and Bella are hanging out in their swank hotel room in amazing evening gowns. Brie tells Nikki that she is not as good at business as Nikki. Brie acts really humble. Nikki rubs it in her face, but she’s happy that she gets to be in charge. They each thinks the other gives gross hugs.
Mandy takes her family outside for a drink. Her dad acts all Italian tough guy. Mandy tries to talk to them about getting back together. Mandy cries. Her dad tells them that they are going to stay separated and everyone needs to deal with it. Mandy and her brothers cry. Everyone accepts that things have changed, and they decide to be happy. All the families gather together for a giant meal. They all reflect and laugh over the weekend’s adventures. Mandy gives a toast. Nattie loves Mandy, and she realizes the whole weekend was fun and she didn’t need to stress so much. Haven’t heard that one before, Nattie.
Nikki and Brie go into the Empire State Building for a meeting with the famous business dude. They tell him about their charitable lingerie line. He likes that the lingerie line is charitable. He brings in a designer and she draws some panties. He says a lot of noncommittal positive language and tells them he’ll be in touch. The Bellas are really happy.
Back on the island, Nattie’s tiny nephew gives some precious words of wisdom and they all take a picture of themselves. It may be a mess of a family, but it’s their mess, and I’m sure they wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Back in NY, the Bellas are at a really great, really expensive looking restaurant. The Bellas smile at each other, and they make a toast. Brie looks like she’s getting close to Brie Mode.
There was a show on another network tonight where a bunch of nut-jobs were excited about installing can lights in their bedroom. That coupled with tonight’s Total Divas, and this is officially the worst night ever in television history. Congratulations, America.
Mission Accomplished.
