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Submitted by Michael Langan

Chikara Pro Wrestling followed up Princess Kimber Lee’s Grand Championship victory at Top Banana with a double shot kick-off for Season 16 at Chikara’s Training Facility The Wrestle Factory in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The afternoon show, titled The Days of the Phoenix after the AFI album, featured former Chikara everything winner Hallowicked & Wrestling Observer Rookie of the Year 2009 Frightmare challenging N_R_G for the Chikara Campeonatos De Parejas. While the evening show, titled 5 Senses after what I am assuming is the XTC album, featured Princess Kimber Lee’s first defense of the Chikara Grand Championship against Oleg The Usurper.

Both shows saw great turn outs, but the evening show was particularly note-worthy for the super standing room only crowd. Under the new format, Chikara is doing slightly shorter shows — running anywhere from 90 minutes to 2 1/5 hours at the Wrestle Factory rather than a normal 3 hour show. Show one ran about 2 hours with intermission. Show two ran a little more than 2 1/2 hours. Like last season, Wrestle Factory shows are named after favorite musical albums. Shows outside the Wrestle Factory will be subtitles of movie sequels as When Nature Calls, Dead Man’s Chest, The Secret of the Ooze, and the New Batch have already been scheduled.

Chikara: The Days of the Phoenix | Saturday January 30th, 2015

After the passing of the torch from Gavin Loudspeaker, “The Party Tsar” Vlad Radinov is now doing Chikara ring announcing duties. Vlad brings a bit of comedy that hasn’t been seen in wrestling ring announcing since Joel Gertner. Referees for the evening were Bryce Remsberg and Larry Peace.

The Proletariat Boar of Moldova b Arctic Rescue Ant in 8 minutes after a gore as Ant jumped into the ring through the ropes.

This was a fun opener and a slick finish. With the demise of Orbit Adventure Ant at King of Trios and Missile Assault Ant now a part of Battleborn, Arctic is the lone remaining member of The Colony: Xtreme Force. Boar has begun really enjoying his time in the ring and is talking a lot more during matches. The crowd was into this. Vlad Radinov brings out Chikara Director of Fun, Mike Quackenbush. Quack talks about Season 15 being about two things: the season long Challenge of the Immortals tournament and Princess Kimber Lee’s victory. He brings out Kimber. They then raise a banner in the Wrestle Factory commemorating the Crown & Court victory. This was a nice touch.

The Hermit Crab & Rock Lobster b Ben Macklemore & Lewis Ryan in 3 minutes when Crab pinned we’ll say Lewis Ryan after a middle rope walk elbow drop.

This was the unannounced 6th match of the card. Hermit Crab’s partner, Cajun Crawdad, recently succumbed to a knee injury. Since he is a Crawdad it could be problematic. This was Rock Lobster’s debut. A nice showcase for the new team. The crowd sang about Crab People. The remaining members of the Bruderschaft des Kreuzes (BDK), Jakob Hammermeier & Pinkie Sanchez came out. Jakob noted he is here to deal with the traitor, Soldier Ant. They did a BDK roll call and introduced Jaka as the 3rd member of their trio. Pinkie Sanchez mentioned Eddie Kingston, which angered Jakob.

Jaka with Jakob Hammermeier & Pinkie Sanchez b Amasis in 10 minutes after a splash from the top.

The ending was pretty clean. They did a sweet Russian Legsweep from a springboard bit with a slight slip, but it still looked really nice. Jakob was all over the place here yelling at referee Bryce Remsberg. Pinkie Sanchez was fantastic all day. Seriously, words cannot describe just how good he is. Pinkie was taken out by a miscommunication Jaka dive, crawled into the ring, was ignored by Jakob and then rolled to the back.

– They announced Chikara would be going to Toronto on July 23rd before intermission. They’ve since put up tickets for two Saturday shows. Additionally, there is a Chikara v. SMASH Wrestling event scheduled for July 24th. After intermission, they did the drawing for the Magic Move. There was a bachelor party at the show. The gentleman getting married drew the ball. Remsberg read the move as a “long and prosperous marriage”, then noted the Magic Move was really a clothesline over the top rope.

Juan Francisco de Coronado & Prakash Sabar b Dasher Hatfield & Heidi Lovelace when Sabar pinned Hatfield in 15 minutes with a small package after a low blow by Juan in the Magic Move Match.

This was a follow-up to Juan & his team winning the 2015 Cibernetico at the season finale. There was some good comedy with Juan and referee Bryce Remsberg as Remsberg wouldn’t count against Dasher’s team and would force Juan to follow the rules in an overly exaggerated manner. Prakash continues his streak of hitting the Best Bronco Buster in the World. The Proletariat Boar of Moldova came to ringside and interfered. This eventually brought out Icarus, whose arm was in a sling. Dasher debuted a suplex into a gutbuster then a cradle instead of his usual Jackhammer. The story here was Prakash knocking Icarus off the apron after Boar interfered. They tried to use Juan’s Ecuadorian Flag. “Mr. Touchdown” Mark Angelosetti came to the ring to stop it. He took out Boar. Juan begged off, then tossed Touchdown the flag. He directed Dasher to see what was in the ring. Dasher saw Touchdown and assumed he was there to break the rules again. There was a confrontation. As Touchdown tried to explain himself, Juan hit Dasher with a low blow leading to the small package by Prakash for the win. This story is working out very well so far. Hatfield hit the Magic Move. Everyone got a Chikara pen.

Vlad attempted to do Rafflemania. He brought a kid into the ring. There was no Rafflemania. Vlad said that there are no losers in Chikara and proceeded to award the kid 2 semi-mint condition Jim Ross WCW trading cards that “for some reason prominently feature Lex Luger.” Planned or not, this was fantastic.

Soldier Ant b Jakob Hammermeier with a spinning chokeslam in 10 minutes

Solider is fresh off of breaking the spell of the Flood and the Eye of Tyr and is finally back to being himself after Top Banana. He got a Welcome Back chant. Jakob got in a Worldstar! punch early, but Soldier survived. He also hit his Death Valley Drive over the knee for a near fall. Pinkie Sanchez crawled out in commando face paint and circled the ring. He eventually was laid out by Soldier. This was so excellent. Soldier eventually hit Jakob with his own version of the Worldstar punch, told him he was dismissed, then chokeslammed him for the victory. With the win, Soldier Ant received his 3rd point and can now challenge for the Chikara Grand Championship. Soldier, having previously been under a spell, did not realize he had done enough to qualify. This was a fine blow off.

N_R_G (Race Jaxon & Hype Rockwell) b The Nightmare Warriors (Frightmare & Hallowicked) 2 falls to 1 to retain the Chikara Campenatos de Parejas in their second defense in 18 minutes.

This was a bit of a shocking development as N_R_G is still gaining traction with a lot of the Chikara faithful, despite being around the main roster since just after the return show. This victory solidifies them as a real deal team, more or less. The story of the match was Race Jaxon taking everything possible from the Nightmare Warriors and going toe-to-toe with the former Grand Champion Hallowicked. Wicked would eventually overcome him for the first fall in 7 minutes after his cross-legged fisherman DDT, Never Wake Up. 

There was really no break between falls as Wicked just kept going at Jaxon. With a slight miscommunication, Jaxon pinned Wicked with a waistlock roll-up in 12 minutes to be only the 2nd person since Chikara’s return to defeat Wicked in some fashion (outside of Kimber Lee twice). This was a big deal. Wicked lost it. He was not happy with fans at ringside. Jaxon was finally able to make a tag to Rockwell. They cleaned house. Things got crazy as both teams traded big moves. Jaxon did a flip reverse blockbuster off the top on Frightmare. N_R_G retained the titles in 18 minutes when Rockwell hit the Hyper Wheel on Frightmare. This was really well done.

After the match, Los Ice Creams music hit. The crowd popped as Princess Kimber Lee had done the same thing at Top Banana. N_R_G faced off with Los Ice Creams and they got scared. They instead ran to the back rather than cashing in their golden opportunity. Fun end to the afternoon show.

Chikara 5 Senses: Saturday January 30th, 2015

Vlad Radinov welcomed the crowd. He announced that due to an injury during training, Icarus could not compete as scheduled against Pinkie Sanchez. This was seen by the sling earlier in the day. He then introduced Kobald as Icarus’ replacement.

Kobald b Pinkie Sanchez in 12 minutes with the Demon’s Toilet (squat splash from the top).

This match was fantastic. If Chikara gave out game balls, Pinkie Sanchez would get it for the day. They started with Pinkie demanding a test of strength since he noticed Kobald checking out his physique backstage. Pinkie, of course, cheated to get out of it. They did spots around the ring where they used the fans to hurt each other. They were given time to breath and have a great match. They did not disappoint. Crowd chanted for both guys.

Vlad Radinov noted that he knows where the parties are and right now, there would be a 60 second selfie party for the fans in attendance. Several members of the Chikara roster ran around the crowd to assist.

Los Ice Creams b Adam Ward & Burt West by disqualification in 3 minutes when the Devastation Corporation (Blaster McMassive, Flex Rumblecrunch, & Max Smashmaster) hit the ring and destroyed Los Ice Creams.

Up until that point, this was a showcase for Los Ice Creams. It was a tight 3 minutes where they got in all their moves and did very little of the comedy work. DevCorp were a bit of a surprise since they were not booked for the show and didn’t appear on the earlier show. They laid out Ice Creams for a while. Princess Kimber Lee eventually showed up and chased them off. Crowd booed DevCorp.

Wani b “Mr. Touchdown” Mark Angelosetti in 15 minutes with a somersault corkscrew neckbreaker.

This was fantastic and a great singles debut for Wani. Touchdown is one of those guys that when given time really brings it, he should seriously be on everyone’s radar. Touchdown paused for a bit on the walkway and looked back at the entrance where no one was behind him. He looked dejected, having lost everyone for the loaded elbow pad shenanigans last season. He tried to do a go-team salute before the match on the floor but no one came. Mid-way through, Juan Francisco de Coronado showed up. He attempted to hand Touchdown the Ecuadorian flag. Touchdown refused. Touchdown spent the match not cheating, only to eventually be screwed by Juan and cheating leading to the finish. Touchdown went to the top and Juan grabbed his leg. Touchdown fought it off, then went for a splash from the top. The delay gave Wani enough time to get his knees up leading to the finish.

Some of the crowd on the bleachers started chanting for “Doctor Touchdown” likely due to a misunderstanding. This led to a crazy series of chants throughout the match giving Touchdown different titles including Sherriff, Captain, Gym Leader, and even SmackDown! General Manager. The chants were so good that Vlad addressed them post-match with some future suggestions. He then asked the crowd if they had heard of King of Trios. The crowd popped. He then said okay and it was intermission time. Some tease.

During intermission, Snow Troll crawled out from underneath the ring. He began whispering to different people wondering where Kevin Condron was and if anyone had seen him.

Back from break, they drew the Magic Move for the next match, the move was drawn as the Alabama Slam.

Kevin Condron Presents Battleborn (“Juke Joint” Lucas Calhoun & Missile Assault Man) b The Batiri (Kodama & Obaryion) in 14 minutes with a sharpshooter by MAM on Obaryion in the Magic Move Match.

Vlad announced the Batiri at a combined height. The story here was Missile Assault Man was vicious. Juke Joint was also less cheery and fun than normal, going all out. They worked on Obaryion’s knee throughout the match. This led to problems on the comeback, especially given all the Batiri’s offense involves kicks and knees. The Batiri hit their Alabama Slam/knee lift double team to hit the Magic Move, but couldn’t capitalize due to the knee injury. This was really good and continues the Batiri’s streak of great tag matches when they get time. With the victory, Battleborn now have 3 points and can challenge for the Campenatos de Parejas.

Harold won Rafflemania for a Chikara Challenge of the Immortals T-Shirt.

The Colony (Fire Ant, Silver Ant, & Worker Ant II) b The Snake Pit (Argus, Ophidian, & Shynron) in 19 minutes when Fire Ant pinned Shynron after the Ant Hill.

Argus & Ophidian have matching gear now. Argus’ new gear looks great and he’s definitely slimmed down in the last few months. Fire Ant had both antenna for this match, despite walking around earlier in the day with only one previously showing the signs of the war with Soldier Ant at Top Banana. Argus was in this match a long way. He took everything from the Colony. He and Silver Ant had an extended exchange of chops and submission work. Argus stood up for himself and went toe-to-toe. The crowd chanted for Argus in a way that I’d never previously heard. This match was probably the match of the weekend, but Pinkie/Kobald was pretty close. This was a great top off to Argus getting his first pin at Top Banana as he came off like a star even in the loss. After the match, Fire Ant demanded that Argus get in the ring. He did. They did a face off. Ophidian and then Shynron joined. They hugged. Great match.

Princess Kimber Lee and Oleg The Usurper went to a no contest in 14 minutes when the Devastation Corporation broke up the match in a match for the Chikara Grand Championship.

Due to the result, Kimber retains the title. Vlad had a nice intro about how the Princess had to slay the giant during the heartbeat of Chikara prior to the main event. Oleg had new music. Kimber’s music was remixed. They squared off. Kimber hit some nice kicks. A little kid yelled that Kimber Lee can save herself. Oleg stopped and then lost it. It was a nice moment. Oleg hit more speed. He tried to suplex Kimber on the floor, but she reversed it. Kimber made a comeback and eventually went to lock on the Chikara Special when a Los Ice Cream (dressed in Brown & Pink instead of Green & Chocolate from earlier) walked down the ramp. A second Ice Cream in normal garb followed confused. The Brown & Pink Ice Cream kicked Kimber. He then unmasked to be Blaster McMassive, member of the Devastation Corporation. Flex Rumblecrunch & Max Smashmaster then jumped the other Ice Cream on the ramp. All three then destroyed Kimber & Oleg. This was a strong heel beat down.

Max shoved Bryce. Max got a microphone and stood over Oleg. He told him that just because you rip up a piece of paper doesn’t mean that you are free. Max then turned his attention to Kimber. He held her against the ropes and made her watch a little girl at ringside crying. He told her to watch. He said that when she won the title at Top Banana, she became queen, but they are here for her life. Larry Peace eventually came down and Dev Corp left the ring. This was a bit dark at moments, but if the idea is that everyone should hate the Devastation Corporation, they probably will. Bryce was helped up and stopped Vlad from announcing it as a DQ victory saying that it wasn’t a disqualification. This would indicate a No Contest and that Oleg would still be able to challenge for the Grand Championship at a later date without winning 3 matches in a row again. Crowd chanted that Dev Corp were not nice people.

Vlad said good night, but the crowd demanded one more match.

Heidi Lovelace b Juan Francisco de Coronado after The Heidi-can-Rana spike huricanrana as Juan was on his knees in 4 minutes.

This would be the last time Heidi would appear as the current Young Lion’s Cup holder as a tournament will be held on Saturday, February 6th in Reading, Pennsylvania as a part of National Pro Wrestling Day. Heidi now has 2 points towards a Grand Championship match. Heidi placed Juan’s Ecuador flag on top of him and left him laying to close the show. Juan laid in the ring as people left. With the lights brought back on, referees assisted the Ice Cream who had been taken out during the main event helping him to the back. He’d be laid out the entire encore.

*****

Thus ended the Season 16 Chikara Premiere. The entire day was very fun. The roster were all up to the task. The talk coming out of the show was a bit of concern, however. After the great victory for Kimber at Top Banana, there was tons of coverage of her title win. The close of the main event match feels a bit like couldn’t pull the trigger on her being a complete equal. The challenge is that Oleg doesn’t get beat often. Arik Cannon outsmarted him on the mid-west tour, but he’d only ever been beaten well by Hallowicked over the summer when he previously challenged for the Grand Championship. If the goal is that Oleg and Kimber have common enemies, there are multiple ways to get there without sacrificing Kimber as the lead-dog. What the next steps are following this beat down will determine how this show stands.

With Chikara, the safe rule is always be patient. The overall attack was strong. Devastation Corporation are no longer cartoonish Demolition/Legion of Doom style muscle monsters, but evil jerks that take things too far. There is a fine line that must be walked, especially given the size difference and the potential multiple views of such a destruction that if seen wrong or mis-stepped, could sacrifice all the PR, goodwill, and alternative perception the promotion has gotten in the last few months.